s/o: You got me excited to skip the birthday party

[Palooka]

And then I told a family member. Eeek! After reading the threads on here from parents who don't do big birthdays I really came around to the idea. Our son's 1st birthday is coming up and a friend/family member asked about our party plans. When I told her I was thinking of skipping the party she looked as if she might call CPS on me. "No, you have to have a party" was her response.

1) We don't want/need a bunch of toys right after Christmas (he was born in January). If people want to give us something we will be gracious, but I don't want to have a day where everyone thinks they need to show up with a gift in hand. Saying no-gifts doesn't dissuade people. If there is a party they will bring a gift.
2) We can't have a party in our apartment because the neighbors bang the ceiling if we so much as walk too loudly, and our older family members can't manage the stairs up to our place anyway. Renting a party space in the city is outrageously expensive and I hate those places with a passion. It is going to be freezing and snowy out, so we can't do anything outdoors... which leaves having a party at another family member's home in the suburbs. I don't want that for many reasons.
3) I like the idea of his birthday being about just our little family and doing just a family thing. Hubby and I were thinking when he's older we could do a special little vacation or something.

Hubby isn't 100% onboard with the no-party idea, but he agrees with all the points above. He's just never seen a family that doesn't do birthday parties. He's also afraid of how our extended family will react, and after the response I got yesterday I can understand. Should I just suck it up and have the crummy party?

[stevensmom]

we always do at least the 1st bday party.

Can you do it at a family members place? Tell them that you can't have a party for him at your house because of the neighbors and the stairs. See if anyone will step up. If they truely want you to have a bday party for your son they will step up

[babynme8]

I don't have big Birthday parties for my 3 but I have always had a big 1st birthday party. After that we usually just have grandparents over for cake. I agree with the pp maybe you could ask a friend or family member if you could have a small get together at there place.

[Palooka]

Originally Posted by stevensmom we always do at least the 1st bday party. Can you do it at a family members place? Tell them that you can't have a party for him at your house because of the neighbors and the stairs. See if anyone will step up. If they truely want you to have a bday party for your son they will step up

Our extended family would jump at the chance to have his party at their home. I'm not worried about that. But frankly I don't like the parties I've seen there... I don't like forcing everyone to watch as the parents unwrap the gifts one at a time for an hour. I don't like everyone staring as the kid picks at a piece of cake for 20 minutes. I don't like the food that gets served. And by having it at someone else's home their desires will get pushed on me. This is what always happens.
I wasn't crazy about having a baby shower and this same family member insisted on planning it for me, then she planned it around her own pregnancy and ended up going into labor at my baby shower! It was fun and all, but it definitely wasn't about me or my pregnancy. So I feel like I would have to put my foot down hard (and I hate doing that) in order to avoid letting my son's birthday party become what everyone else wants.

[HeatherlovesCDs]

I didn't read the other thread.

We don't do big parties for b-days. But, I do have a party for the first b-day, not too big still. After that, we just have family.

[jam's mum]

We didn't have a party for Jams because we didn't know anyone else with babies and our families live far away. We had a roommate at the time, but even she wasn't there. It was just DH, Jammy and I eating cake in the park and it was beautiful and perfect and I will treasure that memory.

[R055ANA]

Hi there!

Don't do big parties here either. I am in complete agreement w/ what you are doing because it is what you think works best for your family.

I don't see why do a party for a 1yr old because a 1yr old is too young to understand or usually appreciate it.

Don't do it @ a relatives house because it will end up a frustrating event for you.

I see how your DH thinks this is odd because most families do parties but remember you aren't getting rid of it altogether. You are just doing a small thing w/ your immediate family.

I agree w/ getting too many gifts that you want/need and I think you came up w/ a good solution.

Good for you for trying to go against the grain.

Best wishes!

[essential1892]

We always just have the grandparents over for the first birthday- we don't have any friends with babies. When they are in school we do bigger parties with friends.

I look at it as the party is for the child and at one, the child does not care about a big party. They just want to be cuddled, play with wrapping paper and maybe splat some cake on their face. Besides, having too many people around can sometimes freak a one year out.

[R055ANA]

Originally Posted by essential1892 I look at it as the party is for the child and at one, the child does not care about a big party. They just want to be cuddled, play with wrapping paper and maybe splat some cake on their face. Besides, having too many people around can sometimes freak a one year out.

I agree w/ this completely. Not to mention a party, especially a big one, can totally be over-stimulating for 1yr old.

[happysmileylady]

I assume you live in an apartment complex, does the complex have a clubhouse or something similar that you could rent out. Or do you go to a church with room you could use? Does a family member? OR....could you pay off your neighbors downstairs to just deal with it for a few hours? Maybe give them a gift card to go out to eat on you for a few hours during the party. I realize that does cost money, but for sure less than renting some sort of party room somewhere.

You could always go to chuck e cheese lol. You don't have to rent anything, bring your own cake, and tell everyone if they want pizza, they can order it themselves lol. You can do it in the middle of the day on a weekday so that it's not busy at CEC, not crazy...and then the family that's all put out about the idea of not having a party at all has to deal with taking their own time off work if they want to go lol