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Old 11-21-2012, 03:17 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by luvsviola
Our adoption ended up being a foster adoption, but the parents would only agree to sign rights away with the adoption agreement. DCS didn't think they'd win on termination, so they wouldn't go through with TPR. So, we got the financial benefits of a foster adoption, but still had an adoption agreement.

His mom would be a bad influence in his life. She is a heroin user, and in and out of rehab. He doesn't really know who she is beyond her name, and wouldn't recognize her on the street.
Oh wow ya I can see why you wouldnt want her around right now...def does not sound healthy.

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Old 11-22-2012, 07:47 PM   #22
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Re: It would be interesting...

I am thinking that it's sort of a many shaded question (how many birthmoms are happy with their choice versus having regrets). I would think that many might be happy with the choice they made for the circumstances they were in and happy with the child's family, yet regret that they were in a position to be making that choice at all. Does that make sense? Perhaps while they might not regret the choice they made, they regret being in a place where that was the best choice... I would guess that this is the case with our daughters' birth mother. But, I guess as I am not a birth mom I can't say what any of them really feel no matter what they may communicate to us.

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Old 11-22-2012, 09:31 PM   #23
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Re: It would be interesting...

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Originally Posted by sunnymommy View Post
I am thinking that it's sort of a many shaded question (how many birthmoms are happy with their choice versus having regrets). I would think that many of might be happy with the choice they made for the circumstances they were in and happy with the child's family, yet regret that they were in a position to be making that choice at all. I would guess that this is the case with our daughters' birth mother. But, I guess as I am not a birth mom I can't say what any of them really feel no matter what they may communicate to us.
This is what I think too. The only birthmom I know well is totally at peace with her decision. She was in no place at 19 and single to raise the baby herself. She did not feel she could have an abortion because of her personal beliefs. I can only imagine (and could not have appreciated until I had kids of my own) how hard it would be to place a baby for adoption, but I know that although it was wrenching at the time, she has zero regrets. And the baby is now an amazing young adult
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Old 01-26-2013, 11:54 PM   #24
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Re: It would be interesting...

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Originally Posted by galesville1980 View Post
To know what percent of BM/BD are truly happy with choosing adoption. Our BM said she has no regrets what so ever and actually has a hard time relating to other BM's because of that.

What percent who have a closed adoption now wish they had a semi/very open adoption.
"Happy"? No. No one is ever happy that they couldn't raise their own child. That being said, I don't regret giving my daughter up for adoption. It was - and is - the best thing for her. It gave her a safe, healthy, happy home, and that was the most important thing. It was my only way to provide for her. Rationally, mentally, I know all of that and have come to a sort of peace and solace over the years. Emotionally, it's still a raw wound that bleeds inside. Time doesn't make it better. Every day that passes is another day of her life I'm missing and not apart of. I get pictures, I get phone calls, I even visit her once in a while, and she knows I'm her birth mother. But I'm not - nor ever will be - her Mommy. I can't explain how much that hurts. I'm happy that she's happy, thus no regrets. Just sadness.
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Old 01-28-2013, 10:44 PM   #25
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"Happy"? No. No one is ever happy that they couldn't raise their own child. That being said, I don't regret giving my daughter up for adoption. It was - and is - the best thing for her. It gave her a safe, healthy, happy home, and that was the most important thing. It was my only way to provide for her. Rationally, mentally, I know all of that and have come to a sort of peace and solace over the years. Emotionally, it's still a raw wound that bleeds inside. Time doesn't make it better. Every day that passes is another day of her life I'm missing and not apart of. I get pictures, I get phone calls, I even visit her once in a while, and she knows I'm her birth mother. But I'm not - nor ever will be - her Mommy. I can't explain how much that hurts. I'm happy that she's happy, thus no regrets. Just sadness.
thank you for sharing your experience.
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