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Old 11-22-2012, 11:58 AM   #91
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

My MIL is never around. Yipee!! She still has not met her second grandson, who is 7 months old. She lives in FL. I'm dumbfounded as to why she can't "afford" plane tickets, but can afford tanning and getting her hair cut and all that other nonsense. Priorities are messed up I guess. I should have never expected more from a mother that practically let the grandparents raise her child. For some reason DH still thinks she's the best mother ever. *scratches head* We only ever got into it once, whne she was visiting several years back and we were still living with GMIL due to DH having lost his job. We got along fine for over a year, until she visited. Not only did she cause me to move out, but caused a big rift between GMIL and GFIL. That woman is just drama waiting to happen, though acts like its not her fault. That said, she txts me from time to time and will say she loves me. She never ahd a daughter, always wanted one, and wanted tob e good friends with me, but our personalities are just too different. She's immoral, dishonest, vulgar, and I don't respect the way she parented DH. We are just very different people.

GMIL... well... she's old and we've had our parenting differences, but I finally have got it thorugh her head that she is NOT the parent and she respects our wishes. I've learned to pick my battles (before I was picking at every.little.thing because it was such a power struggle!) and she doesn't dare cross me on the important issues. But... sometimes she just doesn't think and there are still problems.. like asking to feed my 6 month old pudding in replace of baby food, or putting one of those strap in highchairs (the kind that Velcro onto a regular seat) into a truck to use as a "carseat".. ugh.. I suppose I am blessed because she's just not smart. She's not doing things to be secretive, manipulative or challenge my authority.

As far as MY mom... my husband will rarely be around her. When we were dating, he had a smart mouth with her, and my mom is a hick with a sailors mouth. She cussed him out and banned me from ever seeing him. Of course, I still saw him anyway and married him. Even though my mom has her problems with him, as far as she's concerned, he married me even though I was pregnant, he's stayed with me, and its a MIRACLE because he changes diapers, plays with the kids and is home in the evenings (all the things my dad didn't do). My mom is excellent about staying out of our parenting business, not bugging us, etc. but, DH still refuses to be around her because she usually smells (doesn't shower much, lives with 8 dogs, smokes) and has an odd, dirty, hick-ish sense of humor. He tolerates her when we bring her to our home, but will never go to hers.

As for me.. I could see myself being a not so liked MIL. I'm a non confrontational person, so I'm sure I wouldn't be hated because I couldn't imagine overstepping boundaries or being rude or mean... I truly hope I can adore and love my DILs, but can't make any promises.

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Old 11-22-2012, 12:26 PM   #92
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My MIL lives about 15 mins away, and hasn't seen my daughter in over 3 months except for a few family get togethers where she gets to see her for a few mins. And as you can see by my siggy, the time anyone gets with my daughter is pretty priceless. My DH says that she thinks I don't like her so she doesn't want to "bother" me. Oh did I mention she can take no responsibility for any of her actions? The last 4 times she has made plans to come over and see her she has texted with a lame excuse/lie and canceled. I guess that's somehow my fault too.

I'm also 8 months pregnant with her first grandson, which she has been begging us for for 5 years and hasn't even gotten him one tiny thing! Which I'm not superficial or care about gifts, it's just that everyone especially our family has pitched in quite a bit to help us get ready for the baby because of the financial struggles we have with all of the medical stuff and me having to be off work. She even came to the baby shower with an IOU card! I don't want an IoU! Just make a blanket, or something? Really? Ugh!

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one!
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Old 11-22-2012, 12:31 PM   #93
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

You guys make me feel really lucky. We're actually living with the in laws right now and they are awesome! My MIL didn't bat an eye at any of my "weird" parenting stuff like, EC, BLW, homebirth...she even made DS a bunch of pocket diapers and over 100! (seriously) prefolds for DS and new little cousin.
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Old 11-22-2012, 12:32 PM   #94
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Urchin View Post
Ditto this! I love my MIL and FIL. They're my *real* parents to me. They're fatastic, generous, intelligent people. They offer advice but understant that we need to parent on our own terms.

My poor DH is the one who got the crappy-end of the stick in the in-law department. My parents are nutty and awful...
Here too! I love my in-laws... I honestly didn't care for them at first but we've gotten really close in the last few years! My parents, however, and obnoxious and I feel sorry for my DH!
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Old 11-22-2012, 08:09 PM   #95
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Urchin

Ditto this! I love my MIL and FIL. They're my *real* parents to me. They're fatastic, generous, intelligent people. They offer advice but understant that we need to parent on our own terms.

My poor DH is the one who got the crappy-end of the stick in the in-law department. My parents are nutty and awful...
I could have written this! I don't know how my poor DH puts up with my side. Always drama.
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Old 11-23-2012, 03:11 PM   #96
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I'm pretty blessed in the in-law department. Though my in-laws are very different from me politically and denominationally (is that a word??), they are kind, civil, generous and stay out of our relationship and parenting choices.

My family OTOH is all DRAMA! Poor hubby.
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Old 11-23-2012, 04:11 PM   #97
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I butt heads with my ILs a lot. They are very judgemental, selfish, over bearing people. They were and are horrible parents to my husband and his siblings, constantly trying to play them off of one another. My MIL gossips constantly, especially about my FIL (who by the way has come a long, long way from when I first met him, parenting and just personally) and is always trying to get involved in me and DHs relationship. She's super manipulative and plays the victim constantly.

And my FIL thinks if he isn't yelling and screaming he won't be respected. He's just a giant bully, and incredibly egotistical. He also gets depressed very easily, so he calls and wants to come over constantly.

And me being me, I don't put up with it. I won't accept the families "that's just mom attitude." And I definitely will not put up with the bullying. We haven't had it out too bad as of yet, and it's been 10 years so I think I'm doing pretty well, but since having my DD it has gotten worse so we'll see how it goes from here. The only way l stay sane is first off MIL lives 8 hours away (thank god), and my husband is in total and complete agreement with me on all of my choices with them, all of the arguments, everything, he is always on side. If he wasn't, their would be no way I could stand any of it.

Sometimes in other cases i think it's just different up bringings, beliefs, or opinions and ILs just being stubborn. But then there are those times when your ILs are just total nut cases. Lol
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