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Old 11-22-2012, 02:51 AM   #81
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

For years I *thought* I was getting along fine with my in-laws and loved them to pieces. I raved about how lucky I was. Then I found out that my MIL has been talking about me constantly behind my back to my SIL. She's called me all sorts of names, but my fave is "whack-a-doodle". I had NO idea she thought these things about me. I accidentally stumbled upon my SIL on a public baby forum. It's clearly my SIL because of profile pictures, other pictures posted, and all the things she's talked about. So, I am not mistaken. I've read SO many posts about things my MIL has said about me. My SIL mostly ranted about being annoyed that her mom calls her all the time to complain about me and she doesn't want to hear it. I'm a whack a doodle for breastfeeding, especially til 2, extended rear facing, cloth diapering, ect. She is VERY mainstream and isn't exactly the nurturing type. Since I found this out, I have been really angry and hurt and very cold and distant when we are around each other. I am sure she feels it because she doesn't say much to me now. They have NO idea I know this. I haven't told them. I just keep my distance now and just try to be civil.

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Old 11-22-2012, 03:10 AM   #82
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Originally Posted by My Sweet Blessings
For years I *thought* I was getting along fine with my in-laws and loved them to pieces. I raved about how lucky I was. Then I found out that my MIL has been talking about me constantly behind my back to my SIL. She's called me all sorts of names, but my fave is "whack-a-doodle". I had NO idea she thought these things about me. I accidentally stumbled upon my SIL on a public baby forum. It's clearly my SIL because of profile pictures, other pictures posted, and all the things she's talked about. So, I am not mistaken. I've read SO many posts about things my MIL has said about me. My SIL mostly ranted about being annoyed that her mom calls her all the time to complain about me and she doesn't want to hear it. I'm a whack a doodle for breastfeeding, especially til 2, extended rear facing, cloth diapering, ect. She is VERY mainstream and isn't exactly the nurturing type. Since I found this out, I have been really angry and hurt and very cold and distant when we are around each other. I am sure she feels it because she doesn't say much to me now. They have NO idea I know this. I haven't told them. I just keep my distance now and just try to be civil.
I'm so sorry! We are all whack a doodles with you
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Old 11-22-2012, 05:06 AM   #83
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

My IL's mean very well, and I know that they try to respect our wishes as parents even when they don't agree with them, which really means a lot to me. There are still things I know we don't agree on at all, and I am pretty confident that for years they thought I was shallow and convincing their son to make certain decisions.

At least recently it seems they are starting to understand that the two of us are a team and make decisions together. The idea of me bossing him around and telling him what to do is laughable if you spend any time with us at all.

So yes, they can drive me a little crazy sometimes and there are things that they do that make me scratch me head a little, but overall we all get along really well and everyone tries really hard to be respectful of each other.
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Old 11-22-2012, 05:29 AM   #84
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huh.

I'm a MIL, and I happen to think I'm pretty damn awesome.
I wish I had a MIL like you!

I always vow that when I'm a mother in law I am going to try my hardest to be an amazing one. Although I have daughters and it seems that men don't have nearly the problems with their mothers in law as women do :-)
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Old 11-22-2012, 06:08 AM   #85
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

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Originally Posted by My Sweet Blessings View Post
For years I *thought* I was getting along fine with my in-laws and loved them to pieces. I raved about how lucky I was. Then I found out that my MIL has been talking about me constantly behind my back to my SIL. She's called me all sorts of names, but my fave is "whack-a-doodle". I had NO idea she thought these things about me. I accidentally stumbled upon my SIL on a public baby forum. It's clearly my SIL because of profile pictures, other pictures posted, and all the things she's talked about. So, I am not mistaken. I've read SO many posts about things my MIL has said about me. My SIL mostly ranted about being annoyed that her mom calls her all the time to complain about me and she doesn't want to hear it. I'm a whack a doodle for breastfeeding, especially til 2, extended rear facing, cloth diapering, ect. She is VERY mainstream and isn't exactly the nurturing type. Since I found this out, I have been really angry and hurt and very cold and distant when we are around each other. I am sure she feels it because she doesn't say much to me now. They have NO idea I know this. I haven't told them. I just keep my distance now and just try to be civil.
Hurts to find out that way. My MIL behaves similarly, but she doesn't have the forethought to hide it. She talks about everyone behind their backs though.

Does anyone else read this and worry that they will be the monster MIL someday? Honestly, how can so many women be evil in the eyes of their DIL's? I hope I can like my DIL/SIL's so we can have a good relationship.
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Old 11-22-2012, 06:24 AM   #86
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

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Originally Posted by cbreeding View Post
My MIL and I get along fine but we aren't great friends. Our personalities just don't click. Here are a few reasons why we get along.

1. She stays out of our marriage.
2. She doesn't give parenting advice.
3. Communication in general is done through DH.
4. DH keeps healthy boundaries with his mom. He loves her but his loyalty lies with his wife and children.
You pretty much described my relationship with MIL.

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Originally Posted by My Sweet Blessings View Post
For years I *thought* I was getting along fine with my in-laws and loved them to pieces. I raved about how lucky I was. Then I found out that my MIL has been talking about me constantly behind my back to my SIL. She's called me all sorts of names, but my fave is "whack-a-doodle". I had NO idea she thought these things about me. I accidentally stumbled upon my SIL on a public baby forum. It's clearly my SIL because of profile pictures, other pictures posted, and all the things she's talked about. So, I am not mistaken. I've read SO many posts about things my MIL has said about me. My SIL mostly ranted about being annoyed that her mom calls her all the time to complain about me and she doesn't want to hear it. I'm a whack a doodle for breastfeeding, especially til 2, extended rear facing, cloth diapering, ect. She is VERY mainstream and isn't exactly the nurturing type. Since I found this out, I have been really angry and hurt and very cold and distant when we are around each other. I am sure she feels it because she doesn't say much to me now. They have NO idea I know this. I haven't told them. I just keep my distance now and just try to be civil.
Don't worry. There are a lot of fellow whack a doodles on this site.
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Old 11-22-2012, 06:43 AM   #87
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

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Originally Posted by Numommy View Post
I'm so sorry! We are all whack a doodles with you
Quote:
Originally Posted by Geckmumto3 View Post
Hurts to find out that way. My MIL behaves similarly, but she doesn't have the forethought to hide it. She talks about everyone behind their backs though.

Does anyone else read this and worry that they will be the monster MIL someday? Honestly, how can so many women be evil in the eyes of their DIL's? I hope I can like my DIL/SIL's so we can have a good relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by slimy72 View Post
You pretty much described my relationship with MIL.


Don't worry. There are a lot of fellow whack a doodles on this site.

Thanks, ladies It's crazy that the things she rants about is things pertaining to my kids and how I raise them. She's told me that she doesn't "get" breastfeeding and that I should just "pop a top" and put a bottle in their mouths. I went off a bit that night, slammed my hands on the table, and demanded that my husband take me home. I was pregnant with my 1st at the time. Over the years, I've set ground rules and stick to them with her and after a couple of years, I thought she had just accepted that I am the mom and I make the rules as far as parenting my children (along with DH, of course). Nope, she's just kept her thoughts to herself until I am not around. I did find it hilarious in one post where my SIL was talking about how my MIL had called to complain about me rearfacing my son well past a year. My SIL shut her up real quick by reminding her that she had her own son still rear facing past a year. LOL MIL quickly changed the subject. My SIL has followed some of my parenting like breastfeeding (not past a year, but MIL doesn't get breastfeeding at all), rear facing, and I eventually pulled her over to cloth diapers Funny thing is that SIL does some of these things, but I am the only whack a doodle

Also, my MIL hates her own MIL. She does the SAME things that she hates about her own MIL!!! She doesn't even see it!

But, no, I do not fear being like my MIL. I will be like my husband's MIL. She rocks and is not judgmental!
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Old 11-22-2012, 10:13 AM   #88
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

My MIL genuinely LOVES all of us. She is generous and caring and I love her. BUT... she drives me absolutely batty! She had her first child (DH) when she was 35, and acts like anyone YOUNGER than that has no life experience and doesn't know a thing about children. She also does the "Well... I did this with my kids, and they lived..." as an excuse for EVERYTHING. My response "Yes... and when you delivered the doctor was able to smoke in the delivery room... do you think that's good too?".

She also lacks a "buffer". Things just go from thought to speech, no matter how rude or offensive or insensitive it may be. And she doesn't apologize about things that she says without thinking about. She says... "Well maybe I shouldn't have said that" not.. "SORRY". She told DH after he told her we were expecting the first time that it wasn't news she wanted to hear, and then said I should have been on the pill (despite being very devoutly Catholic). DH lied and said I was... he gets to keep that one running for 15 more years or so.

Also, they live far away and come to stay for 1-2 weeks a few times a year (all major holidays and a few other occasions - all stressful). I can't cook for them because they won't eat anything I prepare (I'm not a bad cook either). So she does all the cooking (AWKWARD) so that DH can have his home-cooked food from his childhood. Fine.. I don't particularly enjoy preparing large meals for a group of people on a daily basis. BUT she re-organizes my entire kitchen EVERY TIME she is here. It takes me months to find things. She's 5 feet tall (IF THAT) and puts tons of things on top of my fridge and on the highest shelves possible, out of sight for some ridiculous reason because that's where she would keep it at home and I must obviously follow her logic.
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Old 11-22-2012, 10:44 AM   #89
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

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Originally Posted by amandajiggles View Post
My MIL genuinely LOVES all of us. She is generous and caring and I love her. BUT... she drives me absolutely batty! She had her first child (DH) when she was 35, and acts like anyone YOUNGER than that has no life experience and doesn't know a thing about children. She also does the "Well... I did this with my kids, and they lived..." as an excuse for EVERYTHING. My response "Yes... and when you delivered the doctor was able to smoke in the delivery room... do you think that's good too?".

She also lacks a "buffer". Things just go from thought to speech, no matter how rude or offensive or insensitive it may be. And she doesn't apologize about things that she says without thinking about. She says... "Well maybe I shouldn't have said that" not.. "SORRY". She told DH after he told her we were expecting the first time that it wasn't news she wanted to hear, and then said I should have been on the pill (despite being very devoutly Catholic). DH lied and said I was... he gets to keep that one running for 15 more years or so.

Also, they live far away and come to stay for 1-2 weeks a few times a year (all major holidays and a few other occasions - all stressful). I can't cook for them because they won't eat anything I prepare (I'm not a bad cook either). So she does all the cooking (AWKWARD) so that DH can have his home-cooked food from his childhood. Fine.. I don't particularly enjoy preparing large meals for a group of people on a daily basis. BUT she re-organizes my entire kitchen EVERY TIME she is here. It takes me months to find things. She's 5 feet tall (IF THAT) and puts tons of things on top of my fridge and on the highest shelves possible, out of sight for some ridiculous reason because that's where she would keep it at home and I must obviously follow her logic.

My MIL says that, too!!! It's a trigger for me and I am known to snap back with things like, "yeah, they were the lucky ones! The unlucky ones are dead!" or something to that effect. I seriously hate that catch all excuse! When you know better, you DO better! Your MIL would drive me batty, too! haha. I don't think my MIL would rearrange things, though. Her MIL sent them all to Disney World when my husband was a kid and while tehy were gone, she hired people to go into their house and clean up, replace appliances, and stuff. They came home to a kitchen they didn't recognized. My MIL was furious. but, really, I don't think I would complain if someone sent me on a paid vacation to Disney and then bought me all knew appliances for my kitchen! I think I would get over the shock real quick!
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Old 11-22-2012, 11:19 AM   #90
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My problem is this: my MIL still thinks that she's DHs sole support and family. She wants him to call her when he's sick and spend every holiday with her. Sorry lady, but I'm his new family, and he has in laws and step-family we like to spend time with. She's trying to continue mothering him the only way she knows how: as a child. The mother/child dynamic changes when children move out of the house, get married, and have children. MIL was fine while we were dating and living together but she felt...her position compromised (replaced?) when DH and I married and had a baby. Now she wants to be mommy to dd.

Er, sorry for derailing. Lol
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