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Old 11-20-2012, 06:55 PM   #111
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Originally Posted by joeslittlewoman

Meh, I think all people want to be appreciated and acknowledged. I know nothing is expected of me when I have a newbie, but it isn't much for me to say "thank you" when hubby takes care of the toddler and dinner because I am napping or nursing the little. It isn't much for me to not gripe when he chooses a different diaper than the one I laid out, or he folded something different, etc. It isn't much for me to try to take a few minutes to sit down and have lunch with him, or snuggle up to watch a show (actually, I long for those snuggles). I don't think my still thinking of him makes him a four year old. My thanking him and not criticizing his every move seems reasonable.
I agree all of this is reasonable. But some of the suggestions just seem so ridiculous and over the top to me. It's not the idea of appreciating your spouse that offends me, it's the idea that at a time when I've been through a physically and emotionally draining experience followed by an extended period of sleep deprivation that I also have to make some extra special effort to make sure my poor insecure husband still knows he's my #1. I find it offensive to the men and women, but maybe I'm reading too much into it.

And I do believe the favor should be returned. I don't expect to be coddled after childbirth, but I will probably need some extra caring for depending on how the birth went. I take care of DH when he needs it. After his knee surgery I did for him all things he couldn't for himself, encouraged him to be as mobile as recommended to aid recovery. While I do appreciate a little gratitude, I don't think he has to put on his fancy underwear and do a dance to demonstrate it. I just think that this list takes it a little too far, IMO.

And somehow the fact it comes from another woman makes it worse to me...

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Old 11-20-2012, 06:55 PM   #112
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by Terra View Post
I'll just leave this here for your reading pleasure.

This is quite amusing and I would probably say something similar if my DH said such a thing to me. The big difference in this cartoon and the article being discussed is that no man is telling a woman how to treat him in the article.
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:01 PM   #113
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by mibarra View Post
I agree all of this is reasonable. But some of the suggestions just seem so ridiculous and over the top to me. It's not the idea of appreciating your spouse that offends me, it's the idea that at a time when I've been through a physically and emotionally draining experience followed by an extended period of sleep deprivation that I also have to make some extra special effort to make sure my poor insecure husband still knows he's my #1. I find it offensive to the men and women, but maybe I'm reading too much into it.

And I do believe the favor should be returned. I don't expect to be coddled after childbirth, but I will probably need some extra caring for depending on how the birth went. I take care of DH when he needs it. After his knee surgery I did for him all things he couldn't for himself, encouraged him to be as mobile as recommended to aid recovery. While I do appreciate a little gratitude, I don't think he has to put on his fancy underwear and do a dance to demonstrate it. I just think that this list takes it a little too far, IMO.

And somehow the fact it comes from another woman makes it worse to me...


Amen to this as well.
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:09 PM   #114
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
This is quite amusing and I would probably say something similar if my DH said such a thing to me. The big difference in this cartoon and the article being discussed is that no man is telling a woman how to treat him in the article.
This cartoon cracks me up all the time. Just humor, don't read too much into
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:23 PM   #115
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Originally Posted by mibarra

I agree all of this is reasonable. But some of the suggestions just seem so ridiculous and over the top to me. It's not the idea of appreciating your spouse that offends me, it's the idea that at a time when I've been through a physically and emotionally draining experience followed by an extended period of sleep deprivation that I also have to make some extra special effort to make sure my poor insecure husband still knows he's my #1. I find it offensive to the men and women, but maybe I'm reading too much into it.

And I do believe the favor should be returned. I don't expect to be coddled after childbirth, but I will probably need some extra caring for depending on how the birth went. I take care of DH when he needs it. After his knee surgery I did for him all things he couldn't for himself, encouraged him to be as mobile as recommended to aid recovery. While I do appreciate a little gratitude, I don't think he has to put on his fancy underwear and do a dance to demonstrate it. I just think that this list takes it a little too far, IMO.

And somehow the fact it comes from another woman makes it worse to me...
Yeah, the lingerie would be way out there for me while I'm recovering, but I'm sure there is some woman out there that would rather shake it than have to swallow her "you swaddled the baby wrong" comment. Surely some woman out there feels sexy immediately postpartum. I can hardly bend my ankles, so I'll stick with verbal affection and quality time where we can squeeze it in, lol. At least until I can stand up straight and get up without holding my stomach.
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:25 PM   #116
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

I really don't see what the big deal is. She said she had people asking for advice. She gave her advice. If she does some of these things and they have a happy marriage, of course she is going to share what works for them or what she has seen work for others she knows. I didn't really get that she was saying to do all of them. Just pick things that look good to you or things you know your husband would like


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Am I reading this right? After baby comes, daddy feels threatened and insecure. Like those male hamsters who eat their young to enforce the whole alpha male ideal. Please don't tell me that if I don't do these things, I will come home to DH nibbling on our children.
I think I would have spewed my drink if I had one...



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I don't really see the big deal . If it wouldn't/doesn't work for your relationship, don't do it. But I know several couples who work like this... and both partners feel equally loved, respected, and appreciated. It works for them.

My husband thanks me almost every day for what I do (running the household, cooking, taking care of the kids and him, etc). And I need that expression of gratitude. It makes me feel like my contributions to the family are noticed, and appreciated. Because of that, I try to show/tell DH that I appreciate all he does for our family. I don't do nakey massages (like, ever, much less PP!), but I do other nice things for him. He doesn't require it or need it, but he likes it. And that doesn't make him a baby, or insecure, or domineering, or whatever else men have been called in this thread.
Exactly.

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Those of us who don't really agree with this article ALSO care about our marriage, even in times of adjustment. We just realize that we married a grown man who can take responsibility for his own feelings, not a four year old child.
First sentence, great.

Second sentence, uncalled for IMHO. Any woman that CHOOSES to do any of the things in that article shouldn't have to see someone compare their DH to a 4 year old.

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Lifting more than 15 pounds that soon after delivery was irresponsible of you and frankly, I'm quite upset that your DH allowed you to do this. Were the discharge instructions not conveyed to you in a manner in which you could understand?
It shouldn't surprise me anymore to read things like this from you. It actually does surprise me though to see how lightly you seem to take insulting others. Seriously.

You realize that not all women wish to be treated as though childbirth crippled them right? There are some out there that heal incredibly quickly WHILE carrying on normally in life. My longest recovery was actually after the child I decided to follow *traditional advice* with. I learned that for me personally, I bounce back a lot faster if I just take a day then jump back into the swing of things. I know I am not the only woman on the planet that has found that to be true.



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Well sure the woman in the third world country doesn't have a choice. She's got to get out there and do what she has to do to survive. But you can't tell me that a woman in a first world country with a fully functioning DH doesn't have a choice- unless she's stuck in a patriarchal marriage where she is subservient to her husband who is put on God like status such that he needs his floor mopped on hands and knees (recommended in the article) in the postpartum period. That's just crazy talk. And moving boxes into a Uhaul 2-3 days after delivery? That's not something to boast about. If I had done that 2-3 days after delivery, my husband would be ashamed of himself for not stepping up to the plate, being a man, and allowing my body to recover from childbirth.
Do you seriously find posting like this okay? Really?

Are you intentionally trying to post things to get jabs in? To attempt to make anyone that does things differently than you feel as though she is trapped with a man that has a God complex?

You don't know how the mom you just passed judgement on felt after her birth or what she is, or is not, capable of. You do not know what her DH said, or did not say, to her. You chose to judge her anyway and start tossing around phrases like "unless she's stuck in a patriarchal marriage where she is subservient to her husband who is put on God like status"

That seems pretty rude.



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Originally Posted by SaraElise View Post
I think they are interesting suggestions that may work for some, but not for others. If I can, I do things like get dressed up a little for my husband, or try and make sure there is at least a clear path through the toys from the door to the living room
but it's not something I will kill myself over either if I am having a bad day or a rough recovery. I see no problems in putting a little extra into my marriage if I can, and we definitely live by the "marriage comes first" rule in this house, though obviously kids NEEDS are met above all else.

As for being active after birth? Everyone and every birth is different, and to each their own, you probably know best how quickly you are healing or not healing.

After my first I could barely walk with a 4th degree tear and a broken tailbone, if someone suggested I do anything but lay on the couch and have DH bring me the baby when he needed to nurse I would have chucked my water bottle at their head. I slept on the couch because I physically could not get up the stairs for the first week.

My next 2, I still tore, but not nearly as bad and my tailbone didn't break, I went back to taking care of my other kids (13 month old with the second baby, and a 2 and 3 year old with the 3rd), but definitely limited lifting kids to times I needed to, and wasn't running all over the house all day long. I also bleed for 6-7 weeks even with light activity, I could see someone with no tears, and who just felt back to normal sooner moving on with life. I don't think either way makes someone more or less of a good mom though as long as they are listening to their body.
Exactly.

I'm one of those women that after 4 of my 5, I bounced right back.
I have very little pain at all after birthing. No tears etc. I get up shower,dress myself,wash my baby and eat. By day 2 I'm back into the swing of life. No heavy bleeding at all.Ever. no severe cramping or other issues letting me I normally quit bleeding after a couple days. 5th child was an exception to that. I feel that by choosing to take it easy, I slowed down my recovery. I kept seeing people say a new mommy needed to take it slow and easy. I figured after #5 I'd go that route and see what it was all about. I won't next time unless I have the type of birth that requires it.

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I'll just leave this here for your reading pleasure.

I saw one on FB earlier today and totally thought of bringing it here too! It was along this same line. Funny stuff
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:28 PM   #117
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Yeah, the lingerie would be way out there for me while I'm recovering, but I'm sure there is some woman out there that would rather shake it than have to swallow her "you swaddled the baby wrong" comment. Surely some woman out there feels sexy immediately postpartum. I can hardly bend my ankles, so I'll stick with verbal affection and quality time where we can squeeze it in, lol. At least until I can stand up straight and get up without holding my stomach.
I may not feel very sexy for the first 6 WEEKs pp, but I do get to have nice full breasts that fill out an outfit. I may still look 8 months pg, but DH finds the pg look incredibly attractive and who am I to argue with him? Honestly, if I waited until I felt sexy to have sex, I'd still be a virgin.
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:52 PM   #118
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Originally Posted by mcpforever

I may not feel very sexy for the first 6 WEEKs pp, but I do get to have nice full breasts that fill out an outfit. I may still look 8 months pg, but DH finds the pg look incredibly attractive and who am I to argue with him? Honestly, if I waited until I felt sexy to have sex, I'd still be a virgin.
Bahahahaha! Love the last line. I don't wait long to have sex (after lochia, and not a second longer, lol), but I do put off lingerie for a while. Hubby likes the breasts. He doesn't find the pregnant form sexy, but he is honest and kind about it. He just concentrates on the "jubblies"
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Old 11-20-2012, 09:05 PM   #119
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I think a big problem in this thread is so many people saying along the lines of "how dare a man expect his wife to do xyz" this article had nothing to do with what the man expects. In my marriage dh doesn't expect anything crazy from me. But I like to let him know I appreciate the things he does. post partum and in normal day to day life. Ill write him a little love note, surprise him with a favorite dinner, lay out his clothes. He doesn't expect or demand these things. But I enjoy doing a little extra for him when I can.

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Old 11-20-2012, 09:21 PM   #120
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

I love to do nice things for dh to let him know he is appreciated. I don't see the big deal. I am one who feels great a day or so after childbirth. I am back to normal activities as soon as we get back home (minus sexual activities). My dh is more likely to be neglected during the pregnancy.
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