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Old 11-21-2012, 12:59 PM   #151
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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I'm sorry, if my husband told me that he WASN'T waiting 6 weeks for me to heal, we'd have a HUGE problem.

My DH was counting down the days for my 6 week "clearance" from my OB. When I came back from the appt with the no-go (I had issues healing and was still having a lot of pain), he was upset, but understanding. He ended up waiting close to 2-3 months before we got "back at it." I just had a lot of pain every time we tried, and he didn't want to cause it...

I'm here to meet the needs of my hubs...I just think that as adults in a relationship, we both need to realize that there are ups and downs. At times he may have to go without while I need extra care, and on the flip side, I may have to go without while I care for him. I think it's important that both people in a relationship realize that it's not all about them all the time...
He told the doctor also that 6 weeks was way too long. I was just lucky that I didnt have an complications though from birth. It is my fault he is the way is because I have always catered to his every need and never questioned it. Yes I am the wife who will get up and make him a sandwich when he says he wants one. He works very hard our family though so he is taking care of us also.

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Old 11-21-2012, 01:27 PM   #152
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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He told the doctor also that 6 weeks was way too long. I was just lucky that I didnt have an complications though from birth. It is my fault he is the way is because I have always catered to his every need and never questioned it. Yes I am the wife who will get up and make him a sandwich when he says he wants one. He works very hard our family though so he is taking care of us also.
Don't blame yourself for his actions. He has a mind of his own. Similarly, it's your body, and if you need 6, 8, or 50 weeks to heal, he has no say in that.

I may be reading your posts wrong, but it just sounds like he treats your body as something that is "his." He really shouldn't be saying things like, "6 weeks is too long" or that he flat out isn't waiting that long...

If you're truly happy with your relationship though, just tell me to back off lol
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Old 11-21-2012, 02:14 PM   #153
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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I guess it's just the undertone of the article that I interpret as women once again being told to put everyone ahead of themselves, even in a time when, again, in my opinion a mother should have 2 worries: mothering and healing.

Helping Daddy feeling included is one thing. I just find that *some* of the blog post is reinforcing the belief that men NEED sexual stimulation at all times and cannot be deprived of it, even in a 6 week healing period, or else you'll lose him/ he'll become miserable. Same thing with the suggestion that I should stay up extra late for him or set out his PJ's... it's just further suggetsing that I need to baby my DH to keep him happy.

Again, that is *my* interpretation.
That is exactly how I read it too. This seems, to me, like it's setting women up for PPD if they're waiting on their fully capable husbands ever want and whim and giving him a BJ every time they get back to bed from feeding/diapering the newborn.
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Old 11-21-2012, 02:28 PM   #154
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Originally Posted by Urchin

Don't blame yourself for his actions. He has a mind of his own. Similarly, it's your body, and if you need 6, 8, or 50 weeks to heal, he has no say in that.

I may be reading your posts wrong, but it just sounds like he treats your body as something that is "his." He really shouldn't be saying things like, "6 weeks is too long" or that he flat out isn't waiting that long...

If you're truly happy with your relationship though, just tell me to back off lol
Yeah. I dont get it.

There is a reason women are told to wait 4-6 weeks for sex. Your uterus is a giant open wound site where the placenta detached. The risk of infection is too great.

My ob gives clearance at 4 weeks. If my husband said he couldnt wait then he could find the jergens and a box of tissues on the bathroom counter. Thankfully for us waiting has never been an issue and we are regular dtd 5 nights a week people.

As far as the blog post, meh. I think people are reading too much into it.

I dont do jack squat after having a baby. I love laying in bed, nursing and healing while enjoying my "new family".

My husband is a big boy. He can handle things for himself for a week or 2.

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Old 11-21-2012, 02:41 PM   #155
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they're waiting on their fully capable husbands ever want and whim and giving him a BJ every time they get back to bed from feeding/diapering the newborn.
Do you think maybe you're exaggerating what most women are actually talking about, though? Exaggerating what the lady in the article was trying to say? Maybe just a bit of hyperbole here? I quoted the same sort of straw man in your last post.
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Old 11-21-2012, 03:47 PM   #156
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I probably did a thing or two on that list. I'm not sure if this post was or wasn't saying we should. That's where my issue comes in. We should think of others if we have it in us after thinking of the brand new other (the baby). But I can't get on board w the bad wife/good wife bc you do or do not do xyz....
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Old 11-21-2012, 05:15 PM   #157
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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I had to in the sense that life didnt stop because I had a baby. Yes my husband expects a lot of me and I do a lot for him. I am ashamed to to admit everything that I do for my husband because I would have less friends than I do now. He is in the military so we have gone more than 6 weeks due to seperation. He just refused to go 6 weeks without if I was there every night. If it came down to being medically impossible for me, then I would still do my best to meet his needs any way he requested. Yeah I stick out like a sore thumb in this thread .
Thank you for answering, I really was just curious I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as you agree to it KWIM? And how sad that someone wouldn't be friends with you because of how *you choose* to live I'd still be your friend
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Old 11-21-2012, 05:47 PM   #158
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Thank you for answering, I really was just curious I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as you agree to it KWIM? And how sad that someone wouldn't be friends with you because of how *you choose* to live I'd still be your friend
I agree. As long as it's your choice. I don't have to understand, just accept, Id still be your friend too! Although for me personally the idea of my DH actually putting sex above my health and well being makes me feel icky inside. My DH would probably say it was too long, but not actually expect it of me til I was ready.
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Old 11-21-2012, 06:07 PM   #159
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Originally Posted by Terra

Thank you for answering, I really was just curious I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as you agree to it KWIM? And how sad that someone wouldn't be friends with you because of how *you choose* to live I'd still be your friend
I still feel really bad for her. It doesn't sound like she wants to do it but is going along with it as the supportive wife. I am one of the last people that should give advice on happy marriages (I've had many a thread here abt my hubs :S )but he never demanded or passive agressively "made" me put out when I should be recovering. That could really hurt her! Not to mention is really douchey behavior. Bet she wouldn't get too far demanding sex after he had a vasectomy or other surgeries on his junk!

Jodie ~ wife & mama
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Old 11-21-2012, 06:12 PM   #160
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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I still feel really bad for her. It doesn't sound like she wants to do it but is going along with it as the supportive wife. I am one of the last people that should give advice on happy marriages (I've had many a thread here abt my hubs :S )but he never demanded or passive agressively "made" me put out when I should be recovering. That could really hurt her! Not to mention is really douchey behavior. Bet she wouldn't get too far demanding sex after he had a vasectomy or other surgeries on his junk!

Jodie ~ wife & mama
I get what your saying and understand. She's really a sweetheart. As long as she is choosing too and wants too I'm okay with it. If she's unhappy and wishes it to be different, I'd feel bad and be here for her to help in whatever way I could online. If that makes sense. I don't know how she really feels of course since I'm not her.

I'm kind of on the more extreme opposite in that I refuse to go out of my way and change and 'give more' because I feel like eh, this is life, suck it up DH and do it without thanks. And that's not good either KWIM?

I guess I'm just trying to get through each day too!
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