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Old 11-21-2012, 06:21 PM   #161
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Originally Posted by Belle

Because this is what we're all discussing here. Like I said, I find it just amazing that some women are willing to describe other women's efforts in such a condescending, snarky, and dismissive manner, all while proclaiming how they would never let their husbands treat them as inferior. But it's okay to treat other women that way, right? The cognitive dissonance is astounding.

This comes from a woman who does nothing like that list or even close to it, I just hate seeing women derided by other women all because of different choices, lifestyles, and physical capabilities.
I don't find women that want to do these things to be less than. I find advising women to do them to be ridiculous. But I also find asking for advice on what your man wants to be ridiculous. Ask him. If his needs aren't being met, no one but him can accurately get across what the issue is and how to solve it. But I seriously doubt any man is going to say the solution is scrubbing a floor on your hands and knees in the nude with lochia running down your legs during your recovery period. A less shallow group of advisory ideas would've been far more suitable IMO. Not all men are consumed by sex, and if they're feeling neglected there is a deeper issue than physical relations.

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Old 11-21-2012, 06:41 PM   #162
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by Hillargh View Post
I don't find women that want to do these things to be less than. I find advising women to do them to be ridiculous. But I also find asking for advice on what your man wants to be ridiculous. Ask him. If his needs aren't being met, no one but him can accurately get across what the issue is and how to solve it. But I seriously doubt any man is going to say the solution is scrubbing a floor on your hands and knees in the nude with lochia running down your legs during your recovery period. A less shallow group of advisory ideas would've been far more suitable IMO. Not all men are consumed by sex, and if they're feeling neglected there is a deeper issue than physical relations.

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Old 11-21-2012, 06:48 PM   #163
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Thank you for answering, I really was just curious I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as you agree to it KWIM? And how sad that someone wouldn't be friends with you because of how *you choose* to live I'd still be your friend
Our relationship just tends to rub people wrong. We had some family friends that were very "whatever" about it to our faces, but I found out they were calling me a slave and all kinds of nasty stuff behind my back. And most of the people I come across in the general population are very "GO women" and "men suck".... Maybe it is just me I dont know. Most women would rather casterize their men if they were as demanding as mine is. You are a sweet heart .

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I agree. As long as it's your choice. I don't have to understand, just accept, Id still be your friend too! Although for me personally the idea of my DH actually putting sex above my health and well being makes me feel icky inside. My DH would probably say it was too long, but not actually expect it of me til I was ready.
I am not going to lie the thought of it really made me sick at the time.

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I still feel really bad for her. It doesn't sound like she wants to do it but is going along with it as the supportive wife. I am one of the last people that should give advice on happy marriages (I've had many a thread here abt my hubs :S )but he never demanded or passive agressively "made" me put out when I should be recovering. That could really hurt her! Not to mention is really douchey behavior. Bet she wouldn't get too far demanding sex after he had a vasectomy or other surgeries on his junk!

Jodie ~ wife & mama
Nope I didnt bother him after the big V.

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I get what your saying and understand. She's really a sweetheart. As long as she is choosing too and wants too I'm okay with it. If she's unhappy and wishes it to be different, I'd feel bad and be here for her to help in whatever way I could online. If that makes sense. I don't know how she really feels of course since I'm not her.

I'm kind of on the more extreme opposite in that I refuse to go out of my way and change and 'give more' because I feel like eh, this is life, suck it up DH and do it without thanks. And that's not good either KWIM?

I guess I'm just trying to get through each day too!
Thank you. Like I said before a lot of people are turned off to anything that doesnt involve them being in charge.
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Old 11-21-2012, 07:53 PM   #164
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Our relationship just tends to rub people wrong. We had some family friends that were very "whatever" about it to our faces, but I found out they were calling me a slave and all kinds of nasty stuff behind my back. And most of the people I come across in the general population are very "GO women" and "men suck".... Maybe it is just me I dont know. Most women would rather casterize their men if they were as demanding as mine is. You are a sweet heart .

I am not going to lie the thought of it really made me sick at the time.

Nope I didnt bother him after the big V.

Thank you. Like I said before a lot of people are turned off to anything that doesnt involve them being in charge.
I dunno, I think it's a hard balance. Some people are perfectly content with more traditional gender roles, some aren't. I don't think "men suck", but for me, I expect my marriage to be a partnership. I want to support my DH. Frankly I do more than my fair share of the work to help him out. But I also demand respect and consideration from him, and sometimes I do expect him to suck it up because I just cannot cater to his every whim for my own health and sanity. Everyone's different. He does not own me or my body, and while I do try to meet his needs and take care of him (as I expect him to do for me) he also understands there are times he's just not gonna get any luvin, so to speak. I also expect him to put my health and well being before his own desires, and expect nothing else from myself. I think it's less about how it looks from the outside, if you and your spouse love and respect and care for each other that's what counts
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Old 11-21-2012, 09:09 PM   #165
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by Kason's mommy View Post
Our relationship just tends to rub people wrong. We had some family friends that were very "whatever" about it to our faces, but I found out they were calling me a slave and all kinds of nasty stuff behind my back. And most of the people I come across in the general population are very "GO women" and "men suck".... Maybe it is just me I dont know. Most women would rather casterize their men if they were as demanding as mine is. You are a sweet heart .



I am not going to lie the thought of it really made me sick at the time.



Nope I didnt bother him after the big V.



Thank you. Like I said before a lot of people are turned off to anything that doesnt involve them being in charge.
I'm definitely not part of the "Go Women, Men Suck" movement but I am turned off by anything that doesn't involve me being in control of my own body. Even the Bible, which most people use as a source for traditional gender roles, says (right after the wives submit to your husband part) that "husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

I would have a hard time respecting my husband if he was pushing me to have sex with him before I was ready, physically or otherwise.
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Old 11-21-2012, 09:31 PM   #166
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Psh, do it over some puppy training pads, it'll catch everything and then some. Hey, hey!
you naughty thing! well I had a good laugh so thanks for that
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Old 11-21-2012, 09:34 PM   #167
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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I was fine with it (not that I'd do it but it seems ok) until the intimacy party. That part had me laughing out loud.

Naked massages? Between the lochia and spraying milk everywhere it would look like the site of a massacre. Never mind the fact I can't lie on nursing boobs because they are too big and sore. And flashing those boobs? Not sure how romantic it is to spray milk on one's husband?!

Or the dusting the tv in something risque? at 4 weeks post partum!? Do they make risque nursing bras? Where do I put my nursing pads? And the other pads too - do they fit in a g string!?

I think that woman has a different post partum period than I do.

LOL!
hilarious mental image! thanks for that visual, really appreciate it LOL

I am 6 days pp and will probably be wearing pads for another week. how any part of that is sexy, I dont know. I think my hubby would appreciate me NOT wearing anything risque at this point. he says anything but sweats is fine with him

I read him your comment and he started a rendition of "he thinks my nursing pads are sexy" to the tune of She Thinks My Tractors Sexy

Last edited by doodah; 11-21-2012 at 10:57 PM.
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Old 11-21-2012, 09:41 PM   #168
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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I can't remember a time anyone ever thanked me for changing my kids' diapers, their fathers included. Or when anyone did the majority of the things on that PP list. And guess what? I'm not crushed nor crying emo black tears in a corner.

If all it takes is 6w of being put after baby and mama sanity, to warp your entire world, my lessened attention isn't your biggest problem.

Why is it expected? I don't get it. Why should we have to feel as though we have to make up for taking care of a newborn? It's not something to be sorry for. So sorry to inconvenience you with my pesky habit of feeding, changing, engaging, keeping baby alive and all that. I know it's a bummer If anything WE should be being thanked for doing it and not going mad or hulk smashing someone/something along the way.

No, dear, you don't get to stick it in my bleeding, torn, raw, painful self that just birthed your child and carried on the family name. Not sorry. Your sexual WANTS (not needs, it isn't necessary, you don't die without it) aren't on my top priority list above BFing, eating, sleeping, surviving, etc. Not ashamed.

I hate the stigma. I really do. If I were a man I would be offended that so many women in the world think that men need to be coddled and made to feel extra super special just for existing and not running for the hills, and helping in ways that they should be anyway because it's their child, too. I would be annoyed someone thought so little of me that they would think I would put my sexual desires above my wife and child, or that I would find her going out of her way to do things to make me (the perfectly fine, not recovering, grown *** man) feel special rather than sleeping, taking a shower, healing, etc to be acceptable. No way, no how.

Appreciation is great. Fluffy bull crap is not. Sorry, all of this got me into ranty mode

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Old 11-21-2012, 10:16 PM   #169
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I want DH to know that I love him, respect him, and am thankful for his help post partum. So, I just tell him. I don't have to go out of my way to do that, it can be done while I'm nursing on the couch. He gets the assurance that he is not just a third wheel, which usually inspires him to continue to help out. Everyone likes being appreciated.
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Old 11-21-2012, 10:28 PM   #170
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you naughty thing! well I had a good laugh so thanks for that
Haha!

This naughty thing refused to give it up like a teen on prom night after squeezing out 7lbs 9oz of screaming baby. Hell to the no. He can last 7 months through a deployment overseas with only Rosy Palms he can last the six weeks and no puppy pads needed. Lol.
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