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Old 11-20-2012, 07:54 AM   #51
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

Good grief....lay out his pj's and pull the cover back on his side of the bed. ???? WTF??? seriously?? I don't even have words. That article totally peed on my cornflakes. I am all for doing it great for my hubby, he's my favorite person in my world. But seriously?? The mom needs that time for someone to help her out for once. Is that so much to ask for??
Ok, rant over.

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Old 11-20-2012, 08:01 AM   #52
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

Some of the ideas are a little creepy to me too.

But, I'll be honest... two parents who put each other first have kids who are better adjusted and happier. I have three daycare families who take care of the marriage first, then the kids. Their kids are awesome! Loved, secure, bright, happy kids. I just got two families where the parents are either going through a bad divorce, or should get divorced. Those kids cry more, they are not secure, they pout more, they worry more.

Obviously, that is upheaval, so any kid would feel insecure in a situation like that...but, perhaps if they had put their marriage first, they would either not be getting divorced, or not hate each other so much during the divorce. You can get divorced and still respect and care about each other.

(some spouses are just jerks though, and all the notes and pictures in the world won't make him or her a better parent/spouse/person)
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:04 AM   #53
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Awwww, hell nuuuuuh.

I just gave birth to seven pounds of screaming boob sucking goodness, and you want me to fluff pillows? Puh leeze.

If this gives me cubic zirconia status rather than rubies, that's fine.
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:13 AM   #54
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by escapethevillage View Post
Some of the ideas are a little creepy to me too.

But, I'll be honest... two parents who put each other first have kids who are better adjusted and happier. I have three daycare families who take care of the marriage first, then the kids. Their kids are awesome! Loved, secure, bright, happy kids. I just got two families where the parents are either going through a bad divorce, or should get divorced. Those kids cry more, they are not secure, they pout more, they worry more.

Obviously, that is upheaval, so any kid would feel insecure in a situation like that...but, perhaps if they had put their marriage first, they would either not be getting divorced, or not hate each other so much during the divorce. You can get divorced and still respect and care about each other.

(some spouses are just jerks though, and all the notes and pictures in the world won't make him or her a better parent/spouse/person)
I get what you're saying, but there are so many other variables. I've also known people who 'put their marriage' first and have terribly adjusted kids and like wise, divorced parents who have wonderful kids! You just never know. But I get what you're saying.

I admit, and this is my own opinion remember, I had a friend who had a baby 2 weeks ago. 1 week after the birth she was all like "keeping our marriage first and going on our first date out post baby."
Personally, PERSONALLY I think that's ridiculous. And to be honest, bragging. A husband can wait a few weeks at least. I didn't want to leave my baby for literally several months and even then, I called 3 times in ONE hour!
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Awwww, hell nuuuuuh.

I just gave birth to seven pounds of screaming boob sucking goodness, and you want me to fluff pillows? Puh leeze.

If this gives me cubic zirconia status rather than rubies, that's fine.
Oh man, too funny, but I agree!
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:21 AM   #55
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The only one I really disagree with is getting a babysitter. I don't leave the kids, even with daddy until much later if I'm going any father than the bathroom . the rest of it imo is just doing little things to remind your dh you love and appreciate him. He does similar things all the time. me having a baby doesn't mean those nice gestures should stop.

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Old 11-20-2012, 08:23 AM   #56
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

Quote:
Originally Posted by escapethevillage View Post
Some of the ideas are a little creepy to me too.

But, I'll be honest... two parents who put each other first have kids who are better adjusted and happier.
I have three daycare families who take care of the marriage first, then the kids. Their kids are awesome! Loved, secure, bright, happy kids. I just got two families where the parents are either going through a bad divorce, or should get divorced. Those kids cry more, they are not secure, they pout more, they worry more.

Obviously, that is upheaval, so any kid would feel insecure in a situation like that...but, perhaps if they had put their marriage first, they would either not be getting divorced, or not hate each other so much during the divorce. You can get divorced and still respect and care about each other.

(some spouses are just jerks though, and all the notes and pictures in the world won't make him or her a better parent/spouse/person)
Any man who lets his wife, who is still in recovery, do some of this stuff is not putting *her* first. If I tried to lay out DHs PJs and fluff his pillow he would order me to the couch and bring me a cup of tea. My recovery is more important than his comfort. We teach people how to treat us and I fear for what new mothers who do some of these things are teaching their husbands.

But, I'm of the belief that putting my marriage first is NOT always the same as putting my husband first.
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:26 AM   #57
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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I can't remember a time anyone ever thanked me for changing my kids' diapers, their fathers included. Or when anyone did the majority of the things on that PP list. And guess what? I'm not crushed nor crying emo black tears in a corner.

If all it takes is 6w of being put after baby and mama sanity, to warp your entire world, my lessened attention isn't your biggest problem.

Why is it expected? I don't get it. Why should we have to feel as though we have to make up for taking care of a newborn? It's not something to be sorry for. So sorry to inconvenience you with my pesky habit of feeding, changing, engaging, keeping baby alive and all that. I know it's a bummer If anything WE should be being thanked for doing it and not going mad or hulk smashing someone/something along the way.

No, dear, you don't get to stick it in my bleeding, torn, raw, painful self that just birthed your child and carried on the family name. Not sorry. Your sexual WANTS (not needs, it isn't necessary, you don't die without it) aren't on my top priority list above BFing, eating, sleeping, surviving, etc. Not ashamed.

I hate the stigma. I really do. If I were a man I would be offended that so many women in the world think that men need to be coddled and made to feel extra super special just for existing and not running for the hills, and helping in ways that they should be anyway because it's their child, too. I would be annoyed someone thought so little of me that they would think I would put my sexual desires above my wife and child, or that I would find her going out of her way to do things to make me (the perfectly fine, not recovering, grown *** man) feel special rather than sleeping, taking a shower, healing, etc to be acceptable. No way, no how.

Appreciation is great. Fluffy bull crap is not. Sorry, all of this got me into ranty mode

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Glad I married a man and not some insecure little boy.
I concur.



That blog entry was disgusting. I sincerely hope those women have spouses who are putting that much effort into making them happy as well. The alternative is just so depressing.
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:26 AM   #58
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

Am I reading this right? After baby comes, daddy feels threatened and insecure. Like those male hamsters who eat their young to enforce the whole alpha male ideal. Please don't tell me that if I don't do these things, I will come home to DH nibbling on our children.
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:51 AM   #59
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Not a fan of the article.

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Old 11-20-2012, 08:54 AM   #60
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Any man who lets his wife, who is still in recovery, do some of this stuff is not putting *her* first. If I tried to lay out DHs PJs and fluff his pillow he would order me to the couch and bring me a cup of tea. My recovery is more important than his comfort. We teach people how to treat us and I fear for what new mothers who do some of these things are teaching their husbands.

But, I'm of the belief that putting my marriage first is NOT always the same as putting my husband first.
Well, like I said, some of those ideas are creepy. But, sending pictures of the baby, and saying "We miss you" is perfectly reasonable. Besides, I didn't get where she said when the baby was just a week or so old. I assumed she meant for the next several years, not as soon as the baby is born.
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