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Old 11-20-2012, 01:46 PM   #1
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Unhappy Trying not to judge another mom...


So, the situation is a little complicated. An old male friend of mine married a woman who has a blog and posts all things baby - which I enjoy reading - but I cringe when I read or see some of the things she does with their child. I feel like I can't say anything because she thinks I had a past with her husband - I never did - I was always dating my now husband and the feelings were never mutual (he may have liked me). That's besides the point - but part of why I feel uncomfortable sticking my opinion out there.

Recently she posted pictures of their 7 month old baby in switched into a convertible car seat but facing FORWARD. I think she's under the impression that convertibles are only forward facing from the way she worded the blog posting. He's 7 months old! I really do try hard not to judge. Yes, in the past we were all lucky to be in car seats at all and we were probably forward facing if we were. Facts show how dangerous this is - we're lucky to have the facts now to make the correct choices. Right?

There are many, many other things but I've found maybe we're just more strict with things up here in the Northeast? They live in the deep south. They gave their newborn bottles of apple juice. Instead of ever giving formula they gave soy milk (he had no allergies to indicate having to feed him specially). They put him in a bumbo seat & a doorway swing at 1 month old, slouched over & not able to hold his head up.

It's not my place right? Should I just keep my mouth shut like I have been? My husband wants me to speak up because he's afraid she's endangering the baby. I'm not sure if her husband knows of all these things either.

Any advice? I'm at a loss!
-Sarah

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Old 11-20-2012, 01:50 PM   #2
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Re: Trying not to judge another mom...

I think I'd send an anonymous email/comment with nothing but facts and links to back it up
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Old 11-20-2012, 01:54 PM   #3
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Sounds to me like its a much bigger issue than jus the carseats. If you genuinely fear for the child's safety and well being then maybe mention it by way of 'Hey!! I was at the dr the other day and did you know they have released some really interesting facts about ________ recently? I had no idea so much had changed and I thought I'd spread the word.'

Unsolicited advice especially regarding children, and from another mom, is generally snubbed IME. But something said is better than nothing if you fear for the well being of her babies. that's a tough one.
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Old 11-20-2012, 01:55 PM   #4
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Re: Trying not to judge another mom...

Good idea to just mention! Thanks
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:08 AM   #5
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Re: Trying not to judge another mom...

You could always try wording it in a "hey, I'd hate for something to happen and you get pulled over and possibly get a ticket because your little one is legally too young/small to be forward facing". I'll admit, I've fibbed and told people that I KNEW were going to be stubborn about it that I didn't think it was a big deal & something cops would ticket over, but that I totally got a ticket for it once (even though I never have). I like the idea of an anonymous blog comment too, if her blog will let you do that...not anything long, just a quick "thought I'd let you know forward facing before a year is illegal, here's the state law" and a "your current seat is great for rearfacing though, just switch it around!" with a
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:14 AM   #6
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Re: Trying not to judge another mom...

I'd definitely do an anonymous comment with links to back up. Ugh And I live in NC, there is no way ANY doctor here would recommend giving apple juice to a newborn or soy milk instead of breastmilk/formula. Sounds like she's just clueless.
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Old 11-25-2012, 09:59 AM   #7
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I really like Mommabritt's wording. And considering her opinion of you, I think anonymous is def the way to go.

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Originally Posted by *Katherine*
I'd definitely do an anonymous comment with links to back up. Ugh And I live in NC, there is no way ANY doctor here would recommend giving apple juice to a newborn or soy milk instead of breastmilk/formula. Sounds like she's just clueless.
Maybe that's because you live in a fairly large/urban area of NC, but I am in rural NC, and trust me - there are plenty of backwards pediatricians here.
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Old 11-25-2012, 10:17 AM   #8
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Re: Trying not to judge another mom...

I think regional differences is probably a contributing factor, although you will find uninformed parents pretty much everywhere.

The thing is, there are people who ARE informed who just choose to do things exactly how they want to regardless of the evidence, and then there are those that are very honestly clueless. Just in case it is the latter, I would definitely say something, although you have to be very careful how you say it so that she is more able to listen and less likely to shut you out.

Definitely send a private email/message rather than posting on the blog, and definitely don't be anonymous. (Because how many of us would give serious consideration to an anonymous note criticizing our parenting?) Also I'd definitely save any advice for SERIOUS issues - and, apple juice in the bottle would not be one of those. (Not saying that you were going to say anything about that, just trying to illustrate what I mean by "serious.")

So maybe a nice note that starts out telling her that you love her blog, her baby is cute, wish you lived closer so you could get together for playdates, whatever. And then gently mention the car seat issue. "I don't even try to keep up with all the new advice that keeps coming out for parents all the time, but I have friends who have always made sure I'm on top of the car seat safety advice, since riding in a car is one of the most dangerous things that kids do! And so I thought I'd share with you that the most recent recommendations are to keep kids rear facing for as long as they will fit in the seat - apparently it is much safer than forward facing. The seat that you have is big enough where Billy should be able to fit in it rear facing for a few more years (it's okay for his feet to touch the seat!). If you want more information, here's a link that my friend shared with me. It's a little wordy, but there's lots of good stuff here!" And then share your favorite car seat safety link.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
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Old 11-25-2012, 10:33 AM   #9
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Re: Trying not to judge another mom...

I'm curious to read her blog now
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Old 11-25-2012, 01:13 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Whits01
I'm curious to read her blog now
Yep me too.
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