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Old 12-07-2012, 05:34 PM   #11
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I didn't go through any where near as much conception and birth trauma as you and I still had the same attachment to my first dd. There is nothing wrong with being head over heals in love with your child you worked so hard to have. I didn't even go on a date without dh without her until she was 11 months. It usually wanes a bit in toddlerhood

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Old 12-08-2012, 08:01 AM   #12
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Re: Baby paranoia after multiple losses *children mentioned

Hug's for you.!! You had been in so many trials before you had your baby so I think your reaction is really normal---(some say it is part of the postpartum depression though this is preventable/curable through supports). Even moms like us who have not experienced those things are also attached in our baby...and maybe even if they are older we will still remain like that. But if you think you are extending your limitation,. I agree with the counselling and I can't blame you...the experienced you mentioned is really traumatic,. if I were in your place I would also be over protective with my daughter. That's for sure!!
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Old 12-12-2012, 06:58 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wordmama
Hey mamas! It's been a while since I've posted anything but congrats and hugs in S&S. But I have a problem I think only you ladies can understand/help me with. It involves the birth and life of my DD, Teagan. So if you're not feeling up to reading about children, stop now.

You can read our birth story through my siggie, but the short story is that it took us nearly 18 months to conceive her and we lost many tiny babies in that time. Throughout the pregnancy, I was terrified that I was going to lose her. I was put on bedrest at the start of the 3rd trimester because I started dilating and contracting. I was hospitalized a half dozen times. We survived pneumonia, kidney stones and an anaphylactic attack together.

My water broke at 35 weeks and after a terrible induction, I was rushed to an emergency c-section because her stats crashed. They couldn't get her out because I have a cupped pelvic floor and bicornate uterus, so they made a T incision and pulled her out by her feet. She was born unresponsive, but was quickly revived.

All this to say, I was traumatized by our conception journey and her birth. I now find myself unable to let her out of my sight. She naps in the Ergo, sleeps in my bed and comes everywhere with me.

Has anyone else been through this and managed to attain a healthier attachment? How? I tried a regular counselor and found her NO HELP at all. I'm thinking I need to find a counselor who specializes in this kind of thing. Does that exist?

TIA if you got through all that. thanks even more if you can guide me.

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I can completely relate to this. Our DD was born last June and died from a twist in her umbilical cord. I delivered her little sister on September 1st this year.. She's 3 months old and the anxiety was eating me alive the first several weeks. I talked a lot with my midwife about it.. I mean baby was sleeping 8-10 hours and I was literally waking up every hour or so to make sure she was breathing. When I did sleep, I had dreams she had died or someone had taken her and I couldn't find my baby. She's still next to my bed and I put our angel baby's blanket in there and every night say a special prayer for peace for me and ask Abby to watch over us and especially her sister. Talking about it helps. Realizing there is very little I can actually do helps (follow safety precautions, but I can't literally stay up all night and watch her sleep). Just want to tell you you are not alone! I think it is mostly normal. My midwife wasn't concerned and reassured me it was normal, especially considering what we had been through with the loss. She said take help when you can (my DH is a great help) and try to nap/ rest with your baby often. I still am in awe that I GET to have another baby when it felt so not meant to be. Hugs!
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Old 12-12-2012, 10:10 PM   #14
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Re: Baby paranoia after multiple losses *children mentioned

Wow I am really starting to see why you feel this way. Since we lost our baby I'm so paranoid about my other kids. When they are at school or daycare I worry and worry about them.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:01 AM   #15
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Re: Baby paranoia after multiple losses *children mentioned

wow I cant imagine what that must have been like, my thoughts prayers and hugs go out to you! sounds like your a wonderful mommy who loves her daughter to pieces! enjoy her the years go so fast!
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:00 AM   #16
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Re: Baby paranoia after multiple losses *children mentioned

Lucy.
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Old 12-15-2012, 08:11 AM   #17
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Thank you everyone. And hugs to Amy and Lynn. I'm sorry that you also know this fear.

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Old 12-21-2012, 03:46 PM   #18
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Re: Baby paranoia after multiple losses *children mentioned

Quote:
Originally Posted by wordmama View Post
Thank you so much mamas. I am an attachment parent with all my children, but I recognize that my actions with Teagan are beyond this. It's anxiety and paranoia that grip me when we're not touching. I need to feel her breathing to be at ease. Even when we're sleeping, my hand is on her abdomen so that I can feel her breathe.

I have this morbid belief that I was never meant to actually bring home a third child. That any day now God will realize it and take her back.

I know my emotional state is damaged. I just don't know how to repair it.

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If you feel that your attachment borders on anxiety and obsession then you would know best. I think the bolded is the source of your fears and is what you need to sort out. If you can deal with this and see it as not true then it might be a big breakthrough. I don't know what your beliefs in God are but most people believe that He knows everything and that is in control so therefore he knows you have your baby and he gave her to you. I'm not quite the same as you but it took two years and a miscarriage and fertility treatments to conceive my daughter and I really thought that God would take her away too when I was pregnant. It didn't transfer to after she was born though. Good for you for seeking help, just keep searching for the right person. And maybe time too will also ease the pain you've been through and your anxiety.
Also, if you are religious, I always found the women in the Bible who suffered infertility inspiring and human. I used to think about pour Rachel who watched her sister bear child after child though she was barren. I once figured it was probably more than 8 years before she had Joseph, and we see how attached his father was to him, I'm sure his mother was even more so.

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Old 12-21-2012, 05:22 PM   #19
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Re: Baby paranoia after multiple losses *children mentioned

You are experiencing signs of post-traumatic stress disorder, as would just about any mama would who had been through what you've been through. Counseling would help you to work through your feelings. Your OB might even be able to recommend someone who specializes in birth trauma, but even if they can't any good counselor should be able to help. Practicing attachment parenting is fine, but anxiety and paranoia is not typical of that relationship and you need to take care of yourself too!
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