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Old 12-10-2012, 03:52 PM   #1
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How do you deal with other people?

Ok so it's been a hard week all around. The introduction of the Christmas Tree has been pretty hard on Ezra and he's been in one of his moods for about a week now. We decided to go to the store yesterday to get some stocking stuffers and some odds and ends we needed and it was just a disaster.

Now I am going to say right off that when Ezra gets loud and screams and cries in the store I just let him do it. I don't think that taking him outside till he calms down is good. He needs to know that what he's doing is not bad and I feel that if I take him outside it's scolding him. He's non verbal and when he screams and cries it's just his way of trying to tell me he wants something.

So yesterday we were in the store and he started in, we did what we needed to do as fast as we could but the lines were crazy so we had to wait a few people deep before we got to check out. I heard an older lady (maybe 50 or so) say some things about my son being a brat and needing a wooping. I let it go and did not say anything. We got done and as I was putting them in the car Ezra was still crying. She was parked next to us and she started complaining about it loud enough for me to hear.

Now I had already had enough of her in the store so I told her that it was not my son's intention to bother her but that he is Autistic and really had no other means of communicating that he wanted something. She then got really rude and bit#$* so I lost it on her. I was so mad and pissed off that she would be talking crap about my 3 year old son that I called her every name in the book. I told her I would be ashamed if I were her and then she had the nerve to tell me she raised "NICE" kids. Like saying that my son's not nice cause he's Autistic

I swear if it were not for Tyler I would have gone over there and punched her in the face. I just got in the car and started crying. How could someone be like that when it comes to a child? I mean I just don't understand how someone could think that was ok. It not only upset me but it made Ezra even more upset cause he knew I was upset.

I guess I just wonder how everyone else deals with people like that? I mean I know getting in to a shouting match with her in the parking lot was not smart but at that point I had just kind of lost it cause of what she was saying. I guess when it comes to my kids I tend to lash out and I know that is not good but I felt like she was attacking him

I want to be a good mama to him and I kind of feel like I let him down


Aubree, Proud Mama To 7 Little Hellion's, Wife To My Sexy Baker Tyler Crunchy, Tattooed, Pierced, Dreddy, Baby Wearing, Extended Rear Facing, AP Parenting, Circumcising, No Longer Vaxing, Mama To An Autistic/ADHD Boy And Dam Proud Of It
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Old 12-10-2012, 04:05 PM   #2
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Re: How do you deal with other people?

My ds is not autistic, but he has lots of issues that were way worse when he was younger. I would get similar comments and looks. Mostly, I just ignored them (not easy, I know!!).
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Old 12-10-2012, 04:09 PM   #3
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Re: How do you deal with other people?

You really just have to learn to ignore them to some extent. I pity them that they cannot truly understand that some children have very special needs that have to be addressed differently. My response probably would have been "I'm sorry you find my sons behavior upsetting. Maybe if you're parents would have whooped you more you would have learned some manners". That's about as mean as I'll get, but that's when I just can't take it anymore. Instead of calling names, I just roll my eyes and move one. Really, if someone doesn't want to get it, they won't, and no matter what you say they will think you are making excuses. You're better off arguing with a wall than some people.
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Old 12-10-2012, 05:47 PM   #4
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Re: How do you deal with other people?

There are some really ignorant small minded people out there! I wish I could have been there to tell her off for you!
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Old 12-10-2012, 06:55 PM   #5
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Re: How do you deal with other people?

Christian WOHMama to DD1 7/07 and twins DD2 and DS 11/11
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:17 PM   #6
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Re: How do you deal with other people?

My ds is autistic and non-verbal as well. I try to ignore other people the best I can. I know sometimes if we are in line or in a crowded area and my ds is having a fit I will try to say something comforting to him or to his older ds that clearly indicates my son has needs and this is part of his "plan."

My oldest gets frustrated when my youngest starts crying or screaming too so it works well to remind him what helps his brother. I just say it a little louder than I normally would.

Luckily most people have been really sweet and understanding
Suzi, working mama to my ODS(2004) , YDS(2006), DSD(2004) and married to the love of my life
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Old 12-10-2012, 10:32 PM   #7
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Re: How do you deal with other people?

mama! it is really rough when there this lil & have no verbal skills. i remember this when my oldest son (who has autism) was that lil & we had the same things happen to us. unless they spoke directly to us we just ignored them. we refused to let then get to us. insted we took the negativity turned it around & used it insted for good. we would tell r kids how special they were. gave them hugs & kisses. keep smiling & acting chearful. i learned in the end that ticks them off more since your not letting them get to u.

now if somone did walk up to us & said somthing to us. i was very blunt to them & this is what i would say "my son has autism. if i wanted your opinion on how i should handle this situation i would of asked. since i didnt obviously i dont want it. u need to mind your own business & i'll attend to mine. goodbye." then i would just ignored them. if they did contunie w/ it i would go & speck to the manager or whoever is in charge. it usally didnt go that far for us.
mama & sorry to hear u had a bad experance. hoping this is the only one & the rest are good ones.
I'm a proud sahm mom 4boys & 1girlWife to my Dh Were a, erf, hs, loving family. enjoying our jurney in life!
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Old 12-26-2012, 06:21 PM   #8
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Re: How do you deal with other people?

Ignoring is all you can do

And just so you know, an OT told me this years ago, real trees let off some dander or dust or something that really irritates autistic children, our therapist highly recommended doing a fake tree or nothing at all, I guess it messes most autistics up the whole time it's around.
Tara Joyfully serving Yeshua, Happy helpmeet to my dear husband J, Blessed momma to: J - 15, M - 13, D - 10, R - 3, M - 7/31/12 and praying for more!
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Old 12-26-2012, 07:07 PM   #9
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Re: How do you deal with other people?

This is one of the hardest things to deal with as a parent of SN child; not just the lack of support, but the amount of opposition! It gets a bit easier to deal with, but it's never easy. My DH almost got into a fight with another dad at chick FIL a the other week because he yelled at our DS.

What really hurts is all the stupid comments from people who work with SN kids. Like when they say its not that hard because they do it 8 hours a day, blah, blah, blah. IMHO, that is about as rude as saying, that because you are an oncologist you know what it feels like to have a child with cancer.

Just keep your chin up. And yell at the few who need it. seriously. They need to think twice about how hurtful their comments are and how they need to keep their pie hole shut, because not everyone is going to take it. Plus, I am not going to let someone bully my kids and say hurtful things to them. Often non verbal kids can still understand what is being said around them, so these types of derrogatory remarks can be very hurtful to our kids.

Last edited by *Peanut*; 12-27-2012 at 05:04 PM.
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