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Old 12-06-2012, 10:00 PM   #11
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We are done. We have two boys and two girls and I got my tubes tied during my c section in August. I was on the fence about it beforehand. We had two boys and a girl and didn't find out the sex before. When she came out a girl I was content to be done. Then my OB said my uterus had become very thin - 4 c sections can do that to you - and I asked him to tie my tubes on the spot.

I'm content being done, but I think I'll always yearn for another baby. I loved being pregnant and I absolutely love everything about babies. Especially itty bitty newborns. My youngest is only 4 months old and I'm already nostalgic about her being a big girl and not a brand new baby anymore. I'm not heartbroken about not being able to have more kids, and I do have my hands very full with my four!! I've only got 2 in school and activities and our life is so hectic!!

Good luck making your decision. It's hard!

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Old 12-07-2012, 04:41 AM   #12
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

SO ladies who felt done after having your last baby... did that feeling come when your youngest was a toddler or was it more so when you were pregnant with them or they were babies????????????,

OP, my mom said you'll just feel done. I'm still waivering too (we have 4 as well). I am super content with 4, the oldest is 5 and the youngest is 1 and life is calming down a bit. It's sooo nice. We've never prevented getting pregnant, but are now and deciding whether to have another baby seems like a HUGE decision, but with the other 4 kids it was like a "no duh" decision... not even a decision, but an "of course" thing. It's so weird that it's not like that again and I wonder if that is like a sign or something. I don't know! Part of me would like to wait until the baby is like 2-1/2 years old to decide because I'm worried all the sudden I'll want another baby and that will overpower my fear of yet another c-section. Like another poster said, my hands and heart feel full with 4 and I think I'd feel fine if for some reason we couldn't get pregnant again; but I just get so worried that if we did something permanent when baby girl turns 2-1/2, I'd have this desparation for a 5th. Maybe I could talk dh into condoms for another year and a few months, but that's pushing it! ANyway, I feel for you!

I'm curious if others have waited that long (a few years after the youngest is born) and then knew they were done. Anyone?
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Old 12-07-2012, 05:48 AM   #13
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For us it was easy. I had a kidney transplant so my pregnancies are complicated. There is to a lot of intervention and overly cautious doctors and DH and I just cannot stand it. We knew we didn't want just one child so once number 2 came DH got a vasectomy. I used to feel like I couldn't go on until I had a little boy. The minute DD2 came out a girl I felt completely content with our two girls. She turns 1 tomorrow and I have zero desire to ever have another. We know what we can handle patience wise, financially, and for me medically, and two is it. We are very happy to be done.

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Old 12-07-2012, 06:59 AM   #14
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

The choice was made up for me. I refuse to have any elective csections and I had a failed VBAC. I also am sick as a dog, can't get out of bed, should probably go to the hospital kind of sick for 4-5 months. That's no fun and I have absolutely NO DESIRE EVER EVER EVER EVER to be pregnant again. So, we are done. Breaks my heart and tears me to pieces. Part of me just feels like there is a reason I failed and didn't have a VBAC - if I could have my children vaginally, I probably would have more biological. But now that I can't, my husband is getting a vasectomy and *I* want to foster/adopt. Best of both worlds.. hopefully get a baby/young child and not have to go through a terrible pregnancy!

My husband wanted to be one and done. Then we had our second. He's been an absolute joy!! DH is sad that we are done too, but he respects how hard pregnancy and csections are on me. He's still not sold on foster/adopt though. So we might only ever have 2 children, or maybe someday he'll be open to adopting.
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Old 12-07-2012, 07:23 AM   #15
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

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Sometimes I feel like I'm done having children and other times I long for just "one more". I have a lot of days where I think this is good. The baby is a toddler now and we are doing good. And on those days I feel like adding one more would be too much chaos. On the other hand, I just really want one more baby.

How did you know you were done having children? Does the longing for one more ever stop?
Mama, I could have written your post! We have 3 (2 bio, one adopted special needs) and I go back and forth. I work full time, often 50+ hours a week as a music teacher. I'm gone A LOT. I want one more, but struggle with if adding one more is just adding chaos and spreading me thinner.

After DD2 was born, I was DONE. I gave away my maternity things, and sold my newborn-12 month clothes. Now I've changed my mind. Ugh!

I am enjoying reading this!
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Old 12-07-2012, 07:32 AM   #16
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

For me it was when the desire to have another one, and don't get me wrong it's still there, becomes overshadowed by the dread of another pregnancy. I got baby fever so bad with the last one I'd have moved heaven and earth to have another baby. This time I'm just not feeling it. Sure I miss the newborn cuddles, but the idea of having another painful, sick, exhausting stress filled pregnancy does not thrill me and those feelings are at least so far much stronger than any desire to have another baby. I'm also really looking forward to being done with all the baby gear and trappings and get on to the next stage of parenting. I'm not rushing my youngest, I'm loving her babyness and such, but the idea that I can sell or otherwise dispose of all the baby clutter I've been clinging to as she outgrows it is so freeing!
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Old 12-07-2012, 07:43 AM   #17
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

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For me it was when the desire to have another one, and don't get me wrong it's still there, becomes overshadowed by the dread of another pregnancy. I got baby fever so bad with the last one I'd have moved heaven and earth to have another baby. This time I'm just not feeling it. Sure I miss the newborn cuddles, but the idea of having another painful, sick, exhausting stress filled pregnancy does not thrill me and those feelings are at least so far much stronger than any desire to have another baby. I'm also really looking forward to being done with all the baby gear and trappings and get on to the next stage of parenting. I'm not rushing my youngest, I'm loving her babyness and such, but the idea that I can sell or otherwise dispose of all the baby clutter I've been clinging to as she outgrows it is so freeing!
Desire being overshadowed by the dread of another pregnancy is a GREAT way to put it. I agree 100%. There are times when I get a little sad thinking of how I will never have that anticipation again of seeing the gender at birth or get to prepare a room or pick a name or buy little diapers but then I think of what another pregnancy would look like and I am snapped back to reality which is very happy to be done.
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Old 12-07-2012, 07:49 AM   #18
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

I never wanted a big family, but DH did since he grew up with lots of siblings. Our finances, however, determined that we could only have 2 children. To make up for that, I've permitted DH to get a cat, 2 turtles, and as many goldfish as he'd like.
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Old 12-07-2012, 08:36 AM   #19
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

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SO ladies who felt done after having your last baby... did that feeling come when your youngest was a toddler or was it more so when you were pregnant with them or they were babies????????????
For me, it was a feeling of contentment, that our family was complete, throughout my last pregnancy and when our youngest was born. Before her I had such an overwhelming desire to have another child. I hadn't had that before. She is now almost 6 and I am just as content now as I was then.
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Old 12-07-2012, 11:44 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by tallanvor

For me, it was a feeling of contentment, that our family was complete, throughout my last pregnancy and when our youngest was born. Before her I had such an overwhelming desire to have another child. I hadn't had that before. She is now almost 6 and I am just as content now as I was then.
That is how I'm feeling and hope it sticks. I didn't think I would ever be content to stop growing our family, especially not at only 3 kids, but I am. And I've always been all about babies/toddlers and unsure of how much I would enjoy the older stages, by comparison. Now I'm looking forward to those older stages. I'm looking forward to being done with the pregnancy/newbie stuff, and I'm looking forward to studying and working again. There has been a total shift of my focus and desire. And knowing we are having the 3rd son I always wanted, it just feels complete. Me and my 4 men :-)
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