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Old 02-01-2013, 09:06 AM   #21
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Re: How much does my 24 month old understand

UPDATE! and need MORE HELP! lol

Thanks mamas! So the next time he threw baby Jesus I just took him away and said that we don't throw and we can try again tomorrow. He quickly forgot all about baby Jesus being taken away so I figured it wasn't going to do anything. Well, he hasn't thrown him since! Everyday (yes, we still have our nativity scene out... and our christmas tree. lol) he picks him up and says "no" and motions a throw and then says "yes" and rocks and kisses baby jesus and then puts him back. WOW!

So I've done this with SO many other things since then. Throw sippy cup, it goes away (although this one is still a common issue. I can't not let him drink all day. I'll take it away for a few hours and he'll be good for the rest of the day. But every few days he'll start throwing it again. Any suggestions for this one?). Bang fork on the table, have to eat with your hands. And it's been working well.

Anyways, what can I do for situations where things can't be taken away?!?

HITTING! Ah! He doesn't hit hard (anymore), he just very lightly taps, but he pulls his arm all the way back when he does it (kind of like a fake hit in slow motion). And he says "hit" with a smile when he does it. When he hits me or his baby sister, I immediately get up and walk away and say "we don't hit." He freaks out and cries and walks around following me. After a minute or two I'll crotch down to talk to him. I'll tell him hitting is mean. We don't hit. He'll say he won't hit again, hug me and say he's sorry. But he will usually end up hitting again that day. It's not getting any better. Now he doesn't hit hard, so it's not out of frustration. He hits knowing it's wrong. My husband has asked if ds wants daddy to hit him... and I don't want to go there so I need a solution FAST! I also don't like walking away because it's just like a walking around time out, but it doesn't work anyway.

Help please.

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Old 02-01-2013, 09:06 AM   #22
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Re: How much does my 24 month old understand

UPDATE! and need MORE HELP! lol

Thanks mamas! So the next time he threw baby Jesus I just took him away and said that we don't throw and we can try again tomorrow. He quickly forgot all about baby Jesus being taken away so I figured it wasn't going to do anything. Well, he hasn't thrown him since! Everyday (yes, we still have our nativity scene out... and our christmas tree. lol) he picks him up and says "no" and motions a throw and then says "yes" and rocks and kisses baby jesus and then puts him back. WOW!

So I've done this with SO many other things since then. Throw sippy cup, it goes away (although this one is still a common issue. I can't not let him drink all day. I'll take it away for a few hours and he'll be good for the rest of the day. But every few days he'll start throwing it again. Any suggestions for this one?). Bang fork on the table, have to eat with your hands. And it's been working well.

Anyways, what can I do for situations where things can't be taken away?!?

HITTING! Ah! He doesn't hit hard (anymore), he just very lightly taps, but he pulls his arm all the way back when he does it (kind of like a fake hit in slow motion). And he says "hit" with a smile when he does it. When he hits me or his baby sister, I immediately get up and walk away and say "we don't hit." He freaks out and cries and walks around following me. After a minute or two I'll crotch down to talk to him. I'll tell him hitting is mean. We don't hit. He'll say he won't hit again, hug me and say he's sorry. But he will usually end up hitting again that day. It's not getting any better. Now he doesn't hit hard, so it's not out of frustration. He hits knowing it's wrong. My husband has asked if ds wants daddy to hit him... and I don't want to go there so I need a solution FAST! I also don't like walking away because it's just like a walking around time out, but it doesn't work anyway.

Help please.
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Old 02-01-2013, 09:34 AM   #23
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Re: How much does my 24 month old understand- Update and new question

Keep explain short.. Just no. our something. You may need to do time out. They understand some but not long explain.they will eventually stop listening to you early on with big explains.....
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Old 02-01-2013, 10:09 AM   #24
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I may be of a different mind than many but I think it is pointless to explain things to littles. Not saying I don't talk to them about what has happened but I don't expect them to understand and reason like adults. They are children. Very selfish and single minded at times. Not saying there is anything wrong with that but it is what it is. I set clear rules with reasonable consequences. If they break said rule and do not like the consequence, too bad. I ignore the pouting or have them scream and cry in their room. A battle of will and reason with a small child is pretty silly, IMHO.
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Old 02-01-2013, 10:49 AM   #25
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So what is a reasonable consequence for hitting?
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Old 02-01-2013, 11:00 AM   #26
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Re: How much does my 24 month old understand- Update and new question

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Originally Posted by Angel89411 View Post
I may be of a different mind than many but I think it is pointless to explain things to littles. Not saying I don't talk to them about what has happened but I don't expect them to understand and reason like adults. They are children. Very selfish and single minded at times. Not saying there is anything wrong with that but it is what it is. I set clear rules with reasonable consequences. If they break said rule and do not like the consequence, too bad. I ignore the pouting or have them scream and cry in their room. A battle of will and reason with a small child is pretty silly, IMHO.
What does having the scream and cry in their room accomplish? Kids can understand a lot more than some people give them credit for, but not every explanation or line of reasoning is understandable. It might be about finding the line of communication that works for the appropriate age. It would seem to feed into single mindedness and selfishness to ignore their reactions or minimize their emotions by confining them to their room.
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Old 02-01-2013, 11:07 AM   #27
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Re: How much does my 24 month old understand- Update and new question

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So what is a reasonable consequence for hitting?
My DS (25 mos) has been in the phase of saying "hit" with a smile and raising his hand. The vast majority of the time it really seem alike he's just wanting a physical outlet for his pent up energy. After all, he's 2. Sometimes I grab a pillow and let him get it out. Sometimes i let him high 5 me over and over to see if it helps. We'll jump, then land on the floor with his hands, or drum the floor with his hands. All sorts of things are available to diffuse the energy in a playful way that takes the attention off "hitting" and redirects into another activity.
His hitting has very rarely been done out of anger, and when it has we try to talk to him or at leads give him the word that describes what he's feeling. I'm convinced it will pay off in the long run as I try to teach him how to regulate his emotions and how to let off steam appropriately. I'm also realistic and understand that not much works immediately and effectively. Striking back might put an immediate stop to the behavior, but doubtful that the deeper lesson will be taught.
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Old 02-01-2013, 11:52 AM   #28
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Re: How much does my 24 month old understand- Update and new question

If I can't remove the problem (like a sippy cup), I remove the situation. Hitting the dog? You have to go away and leave the dog alone. Hitting your sister over a toy? You don't get to play. Hitting kids at the playground? We have to go home because we aren't playing nice.

I keep explanations simple and positive "No hitting. Hitting hurts. We have to use gentle hands" and it does take some repetition. Hitting in itself is developmental to an extent, it's a way of expressing frustration and anger. So I also try to provide alternate solutions "Ask your sister to share", "Say 'No, I don't like it!' instead of hitting", etc.
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Old 02-01-2013, 12:42 PM   #29
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What does having the scream and cry in their room accomplish? Kids can understand a lot more than some people give them credit for, but not every explanation or line of reasoning is understandable. It might be about finding the line of communication that works for the appropriate age. It would seem to feed into single mindedness and selfishness to ignore their reactions or minimize their emotions by confining them to their room.
I tell DS1 not to jump on the couch. He jumps again. I tell him again and warn him of the consequence if he does it one more time. And no, we do not spank for things like this. I do not believe in a violent coercion for behavior modification. I just set a consequence I feel is appropriate at the time. He jumps again and I deal the consequence. He gets mad and starts throwing a fit. I tell him it is fine to be upset but he needs to take it to his room until he calms down. After, I go over what happened and we talk about what he should have done. Does that mean it won't happen again? I wish! But I do acknowledge his feelings. I also don't want him to break an arm or his neck. I am the parent and it's my job to keep him safe. Considering the average 4 year old is not rational and has little life experience, this means having and enforcing rules. I want him to be a welcomed and alive member of society. I'm not saying he can't understand. I am saying it is ridiculous to think that small children are capable of rationalizing and reasoning like an adult who has had years longer to mentally and emotionally mature.
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