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Old 08-17-2013, 12:45 PM   #1
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Not sure what to do...

I had my LO during my last class of my Masters so I was extremely stressed with everything. I ended up having an emergency c-section because my pelvis wouldn't open for her to come through which really broke my heart because I wanted a natural birth. After the surgery I had a lot of pain on my right side that ran down to my toes, I still occasionally have the pain and my leg easily goes numb but not as often. While I was in the hospital my BF was very supportive and amazing. When we got home he went back to work the next day to have the following day off to go to doctor appointments with me(which was on a Friday) that weekend he chose to go fishing majority of the day rather than staying home with me and our new baby when I was on a lot of restrictions and pain. My LO is now almost three months old and my BF is barely ever home to spend time with us. There are many days he goes fishing after work and then comes home he doesn't pay any attention to our little one, he just goes straight to the TV. At 5 weeks postpartum my doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and depression and she felt the reason I didn't get it sooner is because I had school to keep my mind busy. I feel as though my BF I'd the reason I am having a had time with things. He chooses fishing over me and our baby.

I'm not sure what I should do with a lot of things. There is a job I really want but it is in another state, which I have always wanted to move to even before I was pregnant, I have a masters degree and he has a GED with a couple of classes. The job I am looking at will be double+ what he makes but he has already said he doesn't want to move to the state. I feel like a single parent locked in a house with no where to go. Should I apply to the job? Any ideas of how things would go if I did get it? Custody for the little one? Any mothers been in the same situation?

If it helps at all, he is almost 30 and I am 26.

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Old 08-17-2013, 01:03 PM   #2
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Re: Not sure what to do...

I do not have lots of advice except to go ahead and apply. Then you can take it one step at a time depending on if it works out. Good luck!
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Old 08-17-2013, 03:29 PM   #3
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Re: Not sure what to do...

I would apply as well. Do you talk to him and tell him everything you are feeling? I hope things pick up for you soon! Try to get out of the house and do things! No reason to just sit around a wallow. Do you have a local library? If so, check for baby story times...that way you can talk with other moms and get out of the house.
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Old 08-17-2013, 03:34 PM   #4
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Re: Not sure what to do...

I would apply for the Job. If you are offered it you can always turn it down if it doesn't end up working out for you. You will have to ask an attorney about custody options and leaving the state.
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Old 08-17-2013, 08:52 PM   #5
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Re: Not sure what to do...

Thank you ladies, I will begin to work on the application. It can't hurt to do so. I have attempted to talk to him but he basically shrugs his shoulders and makes the comment that he at least tells me he plans on fishing after work or whatever day. We also have discussed about moving to the other state because there are so many job opportunities for me but he continues to tell me he's not moving there and also has said I can't take our LO with me but he's never there for her. I will have to look into the topic regarding an attorney. Maybe it will be a good idea either way just in case something else possibly happens in the future?
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Old 08-17-2013, 09:11 PM   #6
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Re: Not sure what to do...

Could couples counseling be an option?
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Old 08-17-2013, 10:16 PM   #7
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Communication.communication! Apply! Don't settle for someone that sounds like he doesn't want to be with you guys....I have 2 gals in my life older that had gotten involved & then moved & things aren't working as feelings go... counseling only works if both want it to work & don't know where to go.... bing wall marriage counselor.

Hubby & I truthfully sometimes feel on opposite ends of things/ ships inn the night...we used to communicate more not being married than married sometimes.... hugs. Baby would probably go with u & support setup. Custody only if issue.... you can be very specific on things for paternity.... note everfytime u talk & things done....
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Old 08-17-2013, 11:55 PM   #8
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Hugs

I say apply for the job and apply for custody. If you are breastfeeding continue to do so because breastfeeding babies ( most of the time babies in general) stay with the mom unless she is on drugs or something.


You need to ask yourself this
Do you want this relationship to work? Do you want to go to counseling? If you don't I say get your ducks in a row and split like Katie Holmes did. So he doesn't see it coming because then he will try to drag you down & make you stay.

Do you know anyone in the state you want to move to? If so tell your bf you're going to visit that person & then when you get there file for custody in the new state. (Check w/ a lawyer 1st to see if that is a good idea or getting custody in the state you are in now before leaving. Whatever you do (if you break up) file for sole custody 1st before he does.

I am so sad for you & wish I could help you somehow
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