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Old 05-30-2013, 08:35 AM   #1
LaughingPeaMama
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I want another-He doesn't what do I do?

Ok I'm posting here because we have primary infertility so I CANNOT get pregnant without IF treatments. We have two wonderful beautiful kids. One is 4 the other is 17 months. I have always wanted 3 kids. We have donor sperm left so that wouldn't be an expense but the meds would be. A couple of things though:

1. I want to have the lap band procedure done. It says pregnancy is safe after a year so no biggie there

2. I have had complications with the IF treatments I had a ruptured ectopic once and OHSS last time where I had to have fluid drained.

3. I'm 34 so I'll be AMA soon.

4. I'll have to have a c-section. I've had two and no one around here will v-bac after two plus I have a ventral hernia that puts the uterus in a funny position.

5. Dh is not a baby stage person. I breastfeed so I'm usually the sole caretaker until they reach the more mobile stage.

6. I get PPD.

Even with all of this, I still want one more. DH says he's done but I did manage to talk him into DS and though it was rough going at first he's an amazing dad. My family is everything to me. I can't imagine being done right now. However, I know it will be rough because we have modest incomes... he's a teacher and I'm an x-ray tech but I just got my teaching certificate so we will be on two teacher's salaries. We have a 4 bedroom house which is great but the neighborhood isn't fantastic and we've talked about moving. I do NOT want to wait too much longer because I do not want to be having babies when I'm 40. Even on this timeframe I'll be 36/37 when the baby gets here if I get pregnant right away. What if something happens to me/the baby(ies) because that is a possibility. DH will balk because we will have just got one out of daycare and would be putting another in daycare which is a huge expense for us.

I know there are many many cons to having another baby, but in my heart I want another. We are really not financially able to adopt and I am not really ok with the heartache that can come from a disrupted adoption especially when it will affect my kids. But I'm afraid I'll always miss the baby I didn't have if I don't try again.

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Old 05-30-2013, 09:05 PM   #2
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Re: I want another-He doesn't what do I do?

That is a tough one. Honestly I think you have to find a way to gently encourage hubby while also finding some way of being at peace even if you only have 2 children. Dig deep and really ask yourself in what ways could you be at peace with the status quo. I am in a somewhat similar boat. I always wanted 3 kids, but am struggling to conceive a second. I have really had to find a way to be at peace with the fact that I may have an only child. Read about other people's experiences and challenges. Keep trying to convince hubby, hope he will be inspired but in the end you can't force someone to have another child. After all we are going through I know it is sooooo unlikely I will ever have three kids.
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Old 05-31-2013, 07:05 AM   #3
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Re: I want another-He doesn't what do I do?

I quit my job so I could stay at home with my two. It has helped me mentally for sure. I'm not so sure that we will ever get pregnant and DH is not very for IF treatments. He says 50,000 and 5 years, but in the long run, we don't have 50,000 and he doesn't have the patience or interest in giving it 5 years of really trying. I'm hoping that we all just get lucky and it just happens. (I'm not counting on it, but a girl can wish)
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Old 05-31-2013, 07:11 AM   #4
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Re: I want another-He doesn't what do I do?

I would re-consider what adoption might look like five years down the road and make a plan to get there so you are much more financially stable and on the same page as your DH. Adopting at 40 is no big deal (for some pregnancy isn't) but you have so many health related issues to pregnancy I would make sure you are taken care of first so you can be around a long time to enjoy your little ones.
Bottom line, if you DH isn't ready then you both aren't. Sending prayers your way for everything to work out the way you want it to.
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Old 05-31-2013, 07:12 AM   #5
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Re: I want another-He doesn't what do I do?

I would re-consider what adoption might look like five years down the road and make a plan to get there so you are much more financially stable and on the same page as your DH. Adopting at 40 is no big deal (for some pregnancy isn't) but you have so many health related issues to pregnancy I would make sure you are taken care of first so you can be around a long time to enjoy your little ones.
Bottom line, if you DH isn't ready then you both aren't. Sending prayers your way for everything to work out the way you want it to.
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Old 05-31-2013, 08:41 AM   #6
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Re: I want another-He doesn't what do I do?

I'm not against adoption, if someone were to drop a baby off at my doorstep and say this one's yours take care of him/her I'd be over the moon. However, I cannot handle the heartbreak of a failed placement. I have went through an early pregnancy loss and that was bad enough. I also cannot imagine putting my children through a failed placement.
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Old 06-17-2013, 06:22 PM   #7
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Re: I want another-He doesn't what do I do?

i decided against adoption too. mainly cause of the cost and the stress. 3 yrs of up and downs is common and heck, I think 9 months of pregnancy is hard enough but I will gladly do that over adoption now.
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Old 07-05-2013, 09:20 AM   #8
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Re: I want another-He doesn't what do I do?

Ugh I just agreed to sell 2 of our 5 donor vials...We need the money and I'm not sure DH will ever agree to another but I refuse to give up the other three until he pitches a fit. The thing is I'm not ready to try NOW, but I want the option for later. Why is it that women get that baby urge but men never do?? And it makes me crazy when he says things like, well you can't handle 2 now...no I can't handle you basically half-parenting until I finally do it for you when I'm here and you whining because I work a weird schedule...anyway, just another whine
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Wife to my soulmate since 7/12/03 mom to dd 2/9/09 and ds 1/5/12 and angel baby 10/07. Infertility survivor!ISO(willing to trade my FSOT items for) snapped unpaper towels EEEEUC or NEW heavy/long mama cloth
FSOT NOTE: SMOKE FREE DOG FRIENDLY HOME. EVERYTHING IS LINT BRUSHED BUT STRAY HAIRS WILL BE FOUND. IF THIS BOTHERS YOU DON'T FSOT WITH ME PLEASE
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Old 08-02-2013, 05:59 PM   #9
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Re: I want another-He doesn't what do I do?

Sorry. It's hard. We have 3, after 2 miscarriages. It was hard to conceive, I have low progesterone, and bled the first 12 weeks with pregnancy 3 and 4 (1st and 2nd live birth).

My house is chaotic, the kids are loud, my soon to be 3 year old is defiant, and likes to make messes. And, I still want more. Husband says he is done. Unless we get rich and can afford to hire a maid.

And I hear you on the half parenting thing. I hope he gets baby fever soon!
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