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Old 05-15-2007, 09:35 AM   #11
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Re: That's it, I gave in and did it.

You have my prayers. I'm in a similar situation. DS is 2 1/2 and we just don't know how to deal with him anymore. He's really been true to form - very high maintenance - almost since birth and we just broke down last week and called the Early Intervention Unit to see if they can help us. I love DS dearly and wish I knew how to better parent him so that we all 'like' each other again. He has his eval later this month. Good luck with your DD, I'll be thinking about you! Let us know how it goes.

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Old 05-15-2007, 09:39 AM   #12
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Re: That's it, I gave in and did it.

Prayers for you!

I also remember your post from a few months ago, and I'm sorry to hear that things are still not great with her. I think that it sounds like you are making a brave and responsible choice, mama. I can see how it would be hard to take this step and go to the therapist, but that is what they are there for!

Your daughter is lucky to have a caring mama who wants to make things work!
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Old 05-15-2007, 11:02 AM   #13
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Re: That's it, I gave in and did it.

I wish it was just a phase or that she has a new sibling but this started at 15 months old and has esclated since. I felt so guilty for so long, like I was a failure for not being able to deal with my own child. I have read books, took a class and still we have issues. I have tried every form of punishment (mostly gentle disipline) and while I don't believe in spanking I've had to do it a few times. It's now worse than it;s ever been and she's getting mean, manipulative and sneaky. It must stop! If it's about me dealing with her than I feel for the rest of the world as the world does not revolve around her. This needs to be about changing her and teaching me to understand and work with her to change. She has breakdowns over the most minor things, if it's not her way it's no way and she will ruin everyones time to prove this. She slammed my dc childs arm in the car door yesterday then proceeded to yell at her, saying it was her fault. When I was calmly talking to her about her attitude she let go of the baby and smiled (she was holding her hands, helping her walk), the baby screamed in pain from the fall. When her dad was talking wiht her about how she needs to act she screamed at him, right at his face. My family won't watch her as she's just too much, no one actually wants her around as everyone has to tip toe to Madison's needs. That is not acceptable and I do not tolerate it at all. I am so embarrassed, I always said I'd never have one of "those" kids yet I do and mine is worse. It has to change now. This is what I have to do.

Oh and it's so not a red allergy, we already tried that route.
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Old 05-15-2007, 11:38 AM   #14
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Re: That's it, I gave in and did it.

I feel for you! I have similar issues with my DS (almost 4 yrs old). He is just so angry and mean all the time. This started when he was 14 months old and has gotten progressively worse. I took him off of Red Dye 40 in February and that has made a difference but it's not completely better. He's still very angry and does things that are downright mean for no reason. He has horrible outbursts of anger. Anyway, I took him to see a child psychiatrist and I'm so glad that I did! She made me feel so much better. She told me that he was a normal 4 yr old (very intense, but normal). She helped me to realize that even though he was extreme....he was exhibiting normal 4 yr old behavior. She said that his feelings are more extreme so his reactions are more extreme.

She suggested books for me to read and is going to meet with DH and I one evening to talk about ways to deal with him. One thing she mentioned that I never thought of before....he views anger as power. When I want him to do something and I ask him 10 times with no response, I yell at him. So in his head, he needs to yell (or be angry) to get what he wants. She basically told me that our household needs to relax. We're trying it, but it's hard. It's hard to take a deep breath before talking to him about something for the tenth time and not yell. But, I'm doing it and hopefully things will get better/easier. I feel so much better now than I did before.

Good Luck and I hope you find the answers you are looking for!!
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Old 05-15-2007, 02:07 PM   #15
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Re: That's it, I gave in and did it.



Im so sorry your having a hard time. It sounds like your doing the right thing though, maybe an outside perspective can help you two work together.

My FIL tells similar stories about my SIL. She was a tough kid and all the resources and energy they had went to dealing with her. I think I have maybe heard one or two baby stories about my dh, and a zillion about his sister. His whole childhood was overshadowed by his sister and her needs. I guess what I am saying is that its a good thing you recognize the challenges and are taking a step in the right direction. I think your other kids will thank you, and I am sure your dd is not happy right now either
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Old 05-16-2007, 01:09 AM   #16
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Re: That's it, I gave in and did it.

Just want to mention that Feingold is not all about red #40, all though that is a biggie for a lot of kids. It can be sooo much more than that. All though I don't doubt there could be bigger issues at hand I would really encourage reading the book "Why Can't My Child Behave" - forget the author, which addresses the many foods that can affect a child - not just red dye. And it can be natural foods as well - apples, tomato's, etc.
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Old 05-16-2007, 01:15 AM   #17
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Re: That's it, I gave in and did it.

{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}
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Old 05-16-2007, 01:20 AM   #18
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Re: That's it, I gave in and did it.

This is going to stir the pot but I just want to voice the concept that just because something is "normal" doesn't mean everything is ok. There are at least a dozen things considered "normal" in our society that I could rattle off that I don't consider acceptable just because they are normal. Some things are normal because our culture and society are programmed/set up to produce the result. It is okay to break from a norm if you don't feel comfortable with it.

I don't mean to belittle the doctor's diagnosis or opinion. In fact, I am no expert and have never even met your child so I really have no professional basis to make a decision on that matter. However if you, as a mom, feel that something is not right - that things are not the way they should be than I wouldn't accept "it's normal". I would keep digging until you actually feel that the dynamics of your family are in harmony. If you feel that the problem was only on your side and you just didn't have age appropriate expectations than perhaps hearing "it's normal" was the best solution. If you find that entire groups of people and family also feel the behavior is unacceptable than accepting "it's normal" is possibly a route that will leave everyone feeling unhappy, unfulfilled and disconnected.

---this is in response to DEmomof2 -- whoops forgot to quote.
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Old 05-16-2007, 01:21 AM   #19
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Re: That's it, I gave in and did it.

I just want you to know you're NOT alone! I have a hard time "liking" my DS sometimes although I love him to death. He's my sweet boy sometimes but sometimes he's just plain out of control.

My 3yo Joey is "that one" in my 5 kids that seriously is gonna break me one day! It's all I can do on a daily basis to get through it sometimes. He can be the sweetest most caring and loveable guy but the crazy comes out sometimes and he's just plain scary! All my kids have been normal fussy when teething/sick babies, they had their terrible 2's but overall they were very good kids! I used to look at other parents and be like "Dude, get a hold of your kid! Jeeze!" Now that I have Joey I know that sometimes the parents can do everything until they're blue in the face and that kid is just gonna scream! Anyway, I just want you to know that you have support here and shouldn't feel guilty about this. You need to do what's right for your DD!
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Old 05-16-2007, 01:25 AM   #20
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Re: That's it, I gave in and did it.

wishing you lots of patience and luck mama!!!
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