View Poll Results: What are your feelings about labor & delivery?
Only in a hospital 24 27.91%
Only at home (circumstances permitting) 33 38.37%
Open to both 29 33.72%
Voters: 86. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 12-22-2012, 11:59 AM   #11
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Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!

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Originally Posted by Andbabymakes2 View Post
^ this. But I do agree that you have to b
sure you are a low risk mama. You need to do what's fight for everyone involved. A hb with a Squeamish partner is no better than a hospital birth IMHO. You need to know that he's 100% on board and can handle the pressure of the situation. Some guys just aren't good with that kind of thing. And that's ok. What you visualize a hb is going to be and what reality of it is can be totally different.

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My husband is a squeamish husband and weve had wonderful homebirths and one unassisted and currently planning our 2nd unassisted. We know what he can handle and what he cant. He cant cut the cord. He cant be down there when baby is coming out. He isnt the type that wants to catch baby. He is my emotional support, physical support, loves me and encourages me. The nitty gritty is left to my midwife, doula, or me and im ok with that. Water births have helped with him being able to handle watching. The water dispurses the blood and blurs the sight of baby's head emerging. Plus, i would rather a water birth anyday than a land birth now that i have had both experiences. e

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Old 12-22-2012, 12:19 PM   #12
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Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!

Mama. It sounds like you and I were dealt very similar hands. My first was born at the hospital and was fine, my second was born at the hospital and it was also TERRIBLE! To make a long story short I was assaulted (yes the legal definition of assault) and developed PTSD as a result. My first year with dd, as a result was also terrible. For the most part my PTSD was treated but it still rears it's ugly head from time to time and I have to really work at keeping it at bay at times.

DH and I always knew we wanted more then 2 children. After dd though I knew I would never plan on delivering in a hospital again. It was either find other options or change our life plans and have no more children. I was never a homebirthing type before that point but the research I did (LOVE henci goer's books) was really eye opening. When I would say these things to DH he would also get mad. He was pretty upset with how I was treated at the hospital too. He didn't want to see me go through that again(and I don't think he wanted to go through me with PTSD again either poor guy ). We learned together and made the homebirth decision together as well.


I know men feel vulnerable at their wives time of birth and all that. I would never feel comfortable making that decision without my DH's support but ultimately my comfort is #1. If I'm not comfortable then both baby's and my health is at risk. It concerns me that your DH won't even look into a homebirth that to me is very disrespectful. You should look out for your DH but IMHO you and baby come first. If your anything like me there is no way that I could go into a hospital delivery situation, with a healthy pregnancy and not have some serious stress related complications. Now if I had to have a hospital delivery due to complications then that is a different situation that I could be slightly more comfortable with.


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Originally Posted by lynn97 View Post
I would never risk it, personally. I, too, have watched the Business of Being Born and I still chose a hospital birth for DS and will for this one too. I agree with the documentary that our system is broken but I don't believe women are powerless either. The patient still has rights. I am friends with my old OB/Gyn and she is increasingly frustrated by the number of home births. Just last year, she had two incidents with her patients which resulted in deaths (one was a mother that died and the other was a baby). The mother was known to have complications and told that she had to deliver at the hospital but she ignored it anyway. A third patient said she would not be delivering with the OB at the hospital but had complications at the last minute and ended up with a c-section in the ER to save her and baby. Anyway, I know that plenty of women have babies at home without incident but there are also plenty who die or have major issues so why risk it? Modern medicine has drastically reduced maternal and fetal mortality due to monitoring and preventative care. I realize that many mamas on here will not agree with me but I will choose the informed professional route.

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Sorry but I find this post in incredibly bad taste. The OP asked for suggestions and ideas not a bashing on homebirth. You do realize that many of your points could be said about hospital birth as well right? (because Mom's die there too, which is probably why our maternal mortality rates are so abysmal).

And a big huge to the last bold comment. Because your decision to homebirth is the only informed & professional decision that you could make, right? This poor Mama already has a lot of anxiety in the cards she was dealt with, she doesn't need people making it worse. If you are so for hospital births why not offer her some ideas for feeling more comfortable in a hospital? There are many different birthing options (though some are hard for many to come by) and women have different needs and therefore come to different conclusions as to where to birth their babies. All should be respected. Women shouldn't feel judged on any side for their birth choices. IMHO It's a lack of choices that has made the system in this country so bad.
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Old 12-22-2012, 12:23 PM   #13
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Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!

DH always joked he could deliver our first son (our one and only homebirth) as he's helped with lots of calves and lambs. Thank God for midwives though... having skills, equipment, and lots of birthing experience saved my son's life! Our son was a severe shoulder dystocia, needed pulled out, oxygen, and resuscitated and barely made it as it was. While dh has pulled calves from their mothers, it's a little different with your child being born vs. livestock. He is usually quick to act as well and not phased by blood and such, but was frozen in place as the trauma unfolded. Finally snapped out of it when the assistant asked him to dial 911. If it had just been he and I, our son would not be on this earth. I worry, Slingmama, if your dh can't even handle being down there while your baby is emerging, what would happen in a crisis. I would even worry if he wasn't like that with no care provider who's had extensive training, education, and work.

Anyway, like a PP mentioned; visualizing what a hb would be like and experiencing it is totally different. Sometimes it's great and sometimes it's not. I have learned by having both homebirth and hospital births, is that it is not just about the experience, but all the after part (the baby, the raising, etc). Yes, there are cool parts to each and not so cool parts/risks to each. IMO, homebirths are just that... births at home. It won't ensure that you won't experience certain things or feelings. If your dh is so deadset against one, then I'm not sure how much energy I'd spend trying to change his mind. Maybe that energy would be best used finding someone who can advocate for you, figuring out what you want to do differently with this baby (things that could have helped after your second kiddo), and coming up with a good plan for your birth.
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Old 12-22-2012, 12:30 PM   #14
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I did a huge amount of research when I was planning a vbac with my second. I had wonderful care from amazing midwives until I had to transfer to an ob. My hospital experience was great, but it wasn't what I'd envisioned. After my hospital experience (where I experienced heavy bleeding that pitocin couldn't stem) dh does not support me in my quest to home birth this time.

The best thing you can do is arm yourself with information. Once you are informed you can present enough information to hopefully help your husband to at least consider a consultation with a home birth midwife.

I wish you luck in getting the birth you want.
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Old 12-22-2012, 12:31 PM   #15
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Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!

So I would like a third option of a birth center. I tried to have my son at a birth center, though I was moved to the hospital this would most likely route for #2 as well.
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Old 12-22-2012, 12:39 PM   #16
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Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!

I see now that you don't want to travel to the birth center. What kind of birth center is it? Does it have Certified Nurse-Midwifes or Certified Professional Midwifes? Is it direct associated with a hospital or is it stand alone?

If the BC only has CPMs and is stand alone it is barely any different than delivering at home. (which might be a at home arguement with your husband if he is okay with that BC). If it has CNM and/or is directly associated with a hospital than I would recommend that. It might be easier for your husband to accept.

We might be driving 55 min out of the way to go back to say BC on hospital grounds that #1 was suppose to be born at (we did end up in the hospital due to meconium in utero). I mostly don't want to for the drive there for appts to be honest - if it was only once for the birth that wouldn't be so bad.

It was almost a 40min drive when #1 was born -- we were lucky it was the middle of the night. I worked closer to the BC with #1 so it appts weren't bad. Maybe if you are worried about delivering in the car you can leave as soon as it starts?

i'm not sure I completely trust CPMs. I want to, I really do. I'm not sure if CNM do home births but that would be great!
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Old 12-22-2012, 12:56 PM   #17
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Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!

Before I weigh in, what made your daughter's birth terrible?
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Old 12-22-2012, 01:14 PM   #18
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I had a home birth, but would only do it with a well trained professional midwife that I was comfortable with. I needed emergency pitocin and cytotec for hemorraging immediately after delivery and thankfully in my state, midwives carry it and are well trained to use it, in addition to carrying oxygen and other emergency supplies. So check into to the laws and licensing requirements for your state as they are all different. Knowing the facts might help your hubby feel comfortable.

I know some people have also had "home births" in a hotel near the hospital, OR labored until close to delivery at home or in a hotel before going to the hospital to deliver. One of those options might work in your situation.

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is a great book to read about home birthing too. Good luck mama!
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Old 12-22-2012, 01:33 PM   #19
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Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!

Have you considered a family practitioner instead of an OB? If you're not high risk an OB is unnecessary and a family doctor is less likely to intervene. I have no problem with other people delivering at home, but for me it seems weird to deliver a baby somewhere that you'll be lounging the next day. Given the speed of my last labor though, I'm not ruling out an unplanned homebirth for myself.
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Old 12-22-2012, 01:37 PM   #20
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Re: Hospital vs. Home Birth...PLEASE HELP!!

It was my mother-in-law who suggested about homebirth but I was against it because I thought what if my birthing delivery goes complicated? I almost had a homebirth with my first baby but having suffered from 16 hours of labor and a narrow cervix at home, I was brought to the hospital and they performed emergency C-section on me. They found out that my daughter has her cord wrapped around her neck.

You have to be at low-risk to be qualified for a homebirth, as what another mama says here.
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