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Old 12-25-2012, 01:45 PM   #21
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Re: Need advice! Dont know what to do!

Maybe this should be in family planning? I agree that it doesn't seem to fit here where women are asking questions about continuing pregnancies. Or maybe it's the replies that explain how abortions might work that are rubbing me the wrong way?
OP, you have to live with yourself after whatever decision you make. Do you want a relationship with a person who wants you to abort a child? Pregnancy is always a risk of sex. The only way to make the risk 0 is to not have sex. Now you have to decide what you can live with .

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Old 12-25-2012, 01:51 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by MacMomma
I think if you don't mind carrying a baby to term, putting it in the loving arms of a family wanting to adopt is the most wonderful thing. My cousin can't have babies and her and her hubby have adopted two babies in the last year. They love them so much and are so thankful for the mothers decision not to abort.


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Originally Posted by songbird516
OP, you have to live with yourself after whatever decision you make. Do you want a relationship with a person who wants you to abort a child? Pregnancy is always a risk of sex. The only way to make the risk 0 is to not have sex. Now you have to decide what you can live with .
This is true. With your predisposition against abortion, I don't see how it could be an easy thing for you to live with or how your partner could be an easy man to be around after pressuring you into such a thing.
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Old 12-25-2012, 01:58 PM   #23
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Re: Need advice! Dont know what to do!

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Call a Planned Parenthood and ask for an appointment for "options counseling". I know that the PP affiliate here has a pro-choice adoption agency that is very supportive of the biological mother's choice and won't pressure you one way or another. All Planned Parenthood's have an adoption agency they can refer you to, as well as agencies they can refer you to, for help, should you decide to raise the child. Often laying out the actual facts of each choice, will make what you want to do, very clear. They can even lay out the legal requirements for the father to support the child, etc., should you choose to continue the pregnancy and keep the child. If you are truly opposed to abortion, they will not encourage you to have an abortion. You're the one who has to live with your decision, not the counselors.
I don't recommend a "pregnancy crisis" center as they have a very specific agenda and will push you based on their beliefs, no matter what you need or what is best for you and your family.
Also, the abortion pill, or "medication abortion" can be more complicated than a surgical abortion depending on what state you are in and that facility's protocols. I know in Ohio it takes 4 visits due to state law, but I think surgical AB only requires 2 visits in Ohio. Medication abortions are actually a two step process with two different medications. Medication abortions often require an ultrasound as well. You do not have to look at the ultrasound with either type of AB, even if it is required to have the ultrasound done. Just look away. Also, if it is very early there won't be much to see.
With a medication AB you would have symptoms similar to a miscarriage that would last at least a few days. It isn't as simple as "take a pill and you aren't pregnant". Also, you can only have a medication AB pretty early, again it varies by state and protocols, but I'm pretty sure it's only to about 7 weeks.
Good luck! You have a very difficult decision to make that will impact you and your current children for years to come. Don't let anyone push you one way or another. Just arm yourself with as many facts as you can so you can make a well-informed decision.
This information is not correct in every state and certainly not true by any means for every planned parenthood. The crisis pregnancy centers will help you as well. While it is true they will never encourage you to abort ( they are very upfront about this no hidden agendas) it shouldn't be a problem because op said she doesn't want that anyways. You need help right now and I wouldn't start at PP that is for sure. If you need help finding resources in your area pm me.
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Last edited by booty hunter; 12-25-2012 at 02:06 PM.
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Old 12-26-2012, 06:29 AM   #24
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Re: Need advice! Dont know what to do!

Please consider adoption, mama. Never use an abortion pill if you are a pro-life mama. There are a lot of childless couples who are in need of an addition to their family. I am sorry that you are going through this difficult phase in your life.
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Old 12-26-2012, 07:10 AM   #25
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Re: Need advice! Dont know what to do!

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I think its a very personal decision. I would recommend stopping at planned parenthood and talking with them. If you don't want to take the pill or get an abortion dont. But it wouldn't hurt to know your options, especially since you aren't sure. Fwiw my friend took the pill, she cramped and bled for two days but was otherwise fine.

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Originally Posted by snoggle View Post
Call a Planned Parenthood and ask for an appointment for "options counseling". I know that the PP affiliate here has a pro-choice adoption agency that is very supportive of the biological mother's choice and won't pressure you one way or another. All Planned Parenthood's have an adoption agency they can refer you to, as well as agencies they can refer you to, for help, should you decide to raise the child. Often laying out the actual facts of each choice, will make what you want to do, very clear. They can even lay out the legal requirements for the father to support the child, etc., should you choose to continue the pregnancy and keep the child. If you are truly opposed to abortion, they will not encourage you to have an abortion. You're the one who has to live with your decision, not the counselors.
I don't recommend a "pregnancy crisis" center as they have a very specific agenda and will push you based on their beliefs, no matter what you need or what is best for you and your family.
Also, the abortion pill, or "medication abortion" can be more complicated than a surgical abortion depending on what state you are in and that facility's protocols. I know in Ohio it takes 4 visits due to state law, but I think surgical AB only requires 2 visits in Ohio. Medication abortions are actually a two step process with two different medications. Medication abortions often require an ultrasound as well. You do not have to look at the ultrasound with either type of AB, even if it is required to have the ultrasound done. Just look away. Also, if it is very early there won't be much to see.
With a medication AB you would have symptoms similar to a miscarriage that would last at least a few days. It isn't as simple as "take a pill and you aren't pregnant". Also, you can only have a medication AB pretty early, again it varies by state and protocols, but I'm pretty sure it's only to about 7 weeks.
Good luck! You have a very difficult decision to make that will impact you and your current children for years to come. Don't let anyone push you one way or another. Just arm yourself with as many facts as you can so you can make a well-informed decision.
I like the advice here^^. Get all the facts of each option as soon as possible. Make a decision you can live with and please try to shut your ears to any one's agenda! Put you and your needs first.

Good luck. PM me if you need to talk one on one.
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Last edited by vatblack; 12-26-2012 at 08:35 AM.
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Old 12-26-2012, 08:33 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Ellasundies
IMVHO abortion shouldn't be used for birth control. I'm sorry your in this position Mama, but I really think the absolute most selfless thing you can do right now is adoption. You have been given the opportunity to bring great joy into this world. I would run with it if you are at all able.
This x500

Your birth control choice was to not use any control at all and abortion should not be used as a birth control option.

As a mother who struggled to conceive, your child would be a wonderful gift to this world and so many parents would be thankful to receive it. Adoption is such a better choice.
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Old 12-26-2012, 07:01 PM   #27
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Re: Need advice! Dont know what to do!

Keep in mind that the morning after pill does NOT always work. I have known two ladies IRL that took it, and ended up going to term. I am 110% Pro Choice, but YOU need to figure out what YOU want. How will you feel if you take the pill and it does work? How will you feel if you carry the child and give it to someone else? How will you feel in 2 or 5 or 18 years? How will your other children handle seeing you pregnant? Look long term Mama, not just the here and now.
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Old 12-26-2012, 07:31 PM   #28
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Re: Need advice! Dont know what to do!

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Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange View Post
This x500

Your birth control choice was to not use any control at all and abortion should not be used as a birth control option.

As a mother who struggled to conceive, your child would be a wonderful gift to this world and so many parents would be thankful to receive it. Adoption is such a better choice.
This. It doesn't sound like you need a professional opinion, you know what you believe. The only reason you are questioning yourself is because your boyfriend doesn't want a baby. You are pregnant, it happened. Getting an abortion or taking the pill will not change what has happened. You will still know even if others do not. Your choice is how to make the best of this situation. To me, a "boyfriend" who is asking you to go against your beliefs and take a life for his happiness isn't worth it.
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Old 12-27-2012, 09:55 AM   #29
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Re: Need advice! Dont know what to do!

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Keep in mind that the morning after pill does NOT always work. I have known two ladies IRL that took it, and ended up going to term. I am 110% Pro Choice, but YOU need to figure out what YOU want. How will you feel if you take the pill and it does work? How will you feel if you carry the child and give it to someone else? How will you feel in 2 or 5 or 18 years? How will your other children handle seeing you pregnant? Look long term Mama, not just the here and now.
You are confusing the "morning after pill" - also known as Plan B, Ella, or Emergency Contraception - with the "abortion pill". They are two different things that are used in two different situations.

The "morning after pill" (which may actually be 2 pills in the case of Plan B) is used to prevent pregnancy within 3-5 days of unprotected sex (though the sooner it is taken after unprotected sex the better it works). It does not cause abortion and will not terminate an established pregnancy. No, it doesn't prevent pregnancy 100% of the time, but it does reduce the change of pregnancy by about 90% (though this varies depending on how quickly it is taken after sex, which one is used, etc.). This should not be taken by the OP at all, as she is already pregnant. This would not terminate her pregnancy.

The "Abortion pill" is actually 2 different medications taken after a pregnancy is established (this is what the OP is talking about) and does cause an abortion. It also doesn't work 100% of the time (nothing does) and has a failure rate of about 4%, depending on the protocol used.

I know that wasn't the entire point of your post so please don't be annoyed by my clarification. I just think it is important to keep these two straight since many people are opposed to Emergency Contraception because they assume it causes abortion, but it does not.
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Old 12-27-2012, 10:02 AM   #30
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Re: Need advice! Dont know what to do!

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This information is not correct in every state and certainly not true by any means for every planned parenthood. The crisis pregnancy centers will help you as well. While it is true they will never encourage you to abort ( they are very upfront about this no hidden agendas) it shouldn't be a problem because op said she doesn't want that anyways. You need help right now and I wouldn't start at PP that is for sure. If you need help finding resources in your area pm me.
Please be specific about which aspect of my posting you feel is "not correct". It isn't really fair to quote my entire post (when it is that long) and say that it is not correct. If you tell me which details you feel are inaccurate, then perhaps I can clarify them.
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