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Old 12-25-2012, 10:48 AM   #11
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Re: Bridesmaid while breastfeeding - am I stressing for nothing.

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Originally Posted by JennTheMomma View Post
I don't think you're being melodramatic. There are a lot of hormones going crazy still at 8 weeks postpartum, you may or may not be done with lochia yet, you may or may not be sore on your bottom, you may or may not be breastfeeding smoothly, etc. So many different possabilites. I would just tell her that you are so honored to be a bridesmaid, but you really need a dress with a strap. I assume she has no kids yet, so probably doesn't understand. I cannot nurse in a strapless bra, no way. My breasts are too heavy when not full of milk and if I wear a strapless bra I have to use that glu stuff to keep it up, and that's not very compatible with a nursing infant.

I think she can bend a little for you. Sure it's her "day", but you really don't need the stress which can escalate a lot of emotions so early on in your postpartum weeks. It's also not just for your comfort, but for your baby's. Sitting around in a car or bathroom just because she didn't want you to wear straps, is not worth the hassle in my book.

I truly hope you two can come to an agreement that works for you both. Maybe you can suggest clear straps on both your bra and dress.
I like this idea combined with the matching ring sling. I wouldn't want the hassle of pumping. Nor would I be comfortable leaving my nb with a sitter. Likely I would spend the evening on the phone checking up on baby instead of having fun.

I don't know your current size but when I am 8 weeks post partum I am a size G. Not a strapless dress size regardless. I don't think I would look very good sagging down to my belly button. Leaking milk everywhere. Freaking out if the sitter doesn't promptly answer the phone. Likely she is just in the bathroom or trying to put baby to sleep but still I cannot see her.

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Old 12-25-2012, 10:56 AM   #12
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Re: Bridesmaid while breastfeeding - am I stressing for nothing.

I personally wouldn't do it if I couldn't wear straps, but then again most people I know getting married currently don't do the goofy matchy matchy thing, so everything coordinates but doesn't have to be exactly the same. I don't wear strapless dresses, period, so nursing or not I wouldn't be able to be a bridesmaid for someone that stiff in the whole "their day" thing to the point that I could not wear a dress with straps.

I did it once, for a family member, and would never do it again. In retrospect I should've just politely declined but I was pressured into it unfortunately (not by the bride, but other family). It was more than just the actual wedding. The entire day was filled with activities we had to be at, including activities leading up to the wedding and during the reception. There was a specific table we had to sit at (I did NOT know these people, and they all knew eachother, it was not fun) and there were dances we had to participate in - I don't dance - etc. Honestly I'm just not bridesmaid material, we got married in a court house and I couldn't be happier with that decision, LOL
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Old 12-25-2012, 11:37 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by JennTheMomma
I don't think you're being melodramatic. There are a lot of hormones going crazy still at 8 weeks postpartum, you may or may not be done with lochia yet, you may or may not be sore on your bottom, you may or may not be breastfeeding smoothly, etc. So many different possabilites. I would just tell her that you are so honored to be a bridesmaid, but you really need a dress with a strap. I assume she has no kids yet, so probably doesn't understand. I cannot nurse in a strapless bra, no way. My breasts are too heavy when not full of milk and if I wear a strapless bra I have to use that glu stuff to keep it up, and that's not very compatible with a nursing infant.

I think she can bend a little for you. Sure it's her "day", but you really don't need the stress which can escalate a lot of emotions so early on in your postpartum weeks. It's also not just for your comfort, but for your baby's. Sitting around in a car or bathroom just because she didn't want you to wear straps, is not worth the hassle in my book.

I truly hope you two can come to an agreement that works for you both. Maybe you can suggest clear straps on both your bra and dress.
I don't think you're overreacting, either. I would absolutely refuse if I couldn't wear a dress with straps - I was a 32F after having my son, so NOTHING strapless was happening, much less a formal dress.

I *went* to a wedding with my son when he was 8 weeks old. The wedding was at the end of July, and I ended up trekking around carting him, sweating my butt off, missing half of everything because of nursing, etc. No way could I have actually participated in the ceremony and other wedding activities that took place ALL DAY and into the evening. Especially without a nice, supportive nursing bra with straps. Hehe

I think she can be considerate of you and your newborn and find a way around absolutely having to have all of her bridesmaids in strapless dresses. If not, oh well. Pick another bridesmaid, then. JMO.
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Old 12-25-2012, 11:47 AM   #14
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Re: Bridesmaid while breastfeeding - am I stressing for nothing.

Ok, so I'm confused. Why is not being a bridesmaid so you can focus on your newborn and family considered selfish? Once married, your husband and children should come before other relatives. Focusing on your family is not a bad thing nor is it selfish. You and your husband need to decide what is best for your family. What are you going to do if your new little one is fussy? Daddy is not always able to calm the little ones and I am sure the bride would not appreciate a screaming child in the middle of her wedding. What happens if your milk is heavier than you thought and your dress falls. I have had sippers fall on stage several times (one broke) because the dress didn't fit right...either too big or too little. I was able to cover it up a bit each time and make my way off stage really fast, but will you be able to do so if something starts to slip?

Here is a few ideas if you do decide to be a bridesmaid. You could get "clear" straps for the bra/dress. They don't hold as well, but would work for the length of a wedding. You could even double up if you felt insecure. You could also look into the "fashion" straps that are more like jewelry, but I am not sure how well those hold.

Your decision to either be a bridesmaid or not is yours and your husband's to make. Talk with your hubby and think about what is best for your family. No matter what you decide, he will be able to support you in that decision and help where needed. Good luck!
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Old 12-25-2012, 11:56 AM   #15
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At 2 months you're still trying to get your legs under you with your new child. And the hormones. Forget it. If the bride was unable to accommodate I would withdraw. But surely something can be done. You are not being melodramatic. Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:13 PM   #16
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I was my sisters maid of honor with a 4 month nursling in a strapless dress. I had zippers put in the armpits of the dress so that I could get boob access without stripping. I wore him in his ergo 99% of the reception and nursed as needed in another room (he needed a break from the loud music and overstimulation). I also brought an extra dress that was nursing friendly as an option to change after the ceremony if I needed. It was hard, but it honestly worked out really really well. I was just honest with my needs. As for the bra....target sells these stretchy Lycra like bras that have straps that can be pulled down to be strapless. I was a full b/c cup and it fit snug enough to provide support with enough give to handle the milk fluctuations. If you are not super huge on top it may work well for you. I think they were like $15 for 2??
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:24 PM   #17
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I was just a bridesmaid a few weeks ago with my EBF 3 month old. A pain in the butt, sure, but it worked out. I think straps will be a nuisance, honestly. The dress I wore was strapless as well and they make them with so much boning that there was plenty of support without a bra. I just bought some nursing pads with sticky strips and stuck them on the inside of the dress. To nurse, I just draped a nice big Aiden and Anais blanket over my shoulder and flipped the top of the dress down. Certainly not as comfy as nursing at home, but it was only for a day. Then halfway through the reception I changed into something more nursing friendly.

My advice: don't wear a bra, buy some sticky nursing pads (Lansinoh are great), get a generous sized nursing cover or blanket, and ask if you can change once pictures are done. As far as sizing goes, I ordered mine when I was 7 months pregnant and they were very good about figuring out the size. Don't worry about it. You will regret not being in your brothers wedding though.

And about a 21 month old flower girl, don't worry about that either. No matter what she does, people will think its cute!
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:26 PM   #18
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I was a 34j when my milk came after ds3 so no straps wouldnt be an option. I'm a g normally so I wouldn't do no straps anyways. If you don't want to being in the wedding be honest about it and dont let anyone guilt you in to it.

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Old 12-25-2012, 12:39 PM   #19
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Re: Bridesmaid while breastfeeding - am I stressing for nothing.

I was in a wedding a few months ago when dd was 6 months old. It was our beloved BIL and SIL who were getting married but the wedding was hard on all of us. DH and I were both in the wedding party, 6 yo ds was a ring bearer, 3 yo dd was a flower girl it was expensive and LONG but it worked. It turned out that SIL was very lax which helped a ton.

I'm petite with D cups while nursing. I'm not a very modest person but even I was blushing when I tried on my dress without straps. I promptly sewed the straps that came with the dress on. I didn't even run it by the bride. If she gave me a hard time, I would tell her why and offer to back out of the wedding if that bothered her but there was NO way I was going to a wedding looking like that. It turned out I was the only person in the wedding with straps but the bride didn't care.

Nursing was a PITA. I had to completely undress from the top to my waist to nurse in a car in that dress. I actually have a beautiful silk ring sling that went perfectly with my dress but there is no way I would have been able to nurse in that dress with that sling. I also can't for the life of me figure out how pumping when I have baby right there is more convenient that just nursing baby directly so nursing in the car it was.

But it worked. It was one day and I'm glad I don't have to do it again.
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:45 PM   #20
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Re: Bridesmaid while breastfeeding - am I stressing for nothing.

Understandably to be concerned about this. It may or may not go well but if both are important to you than it can be completely workable.

Here are a few things I have seen or have done that helped:

Pump for the duration of the ceremony/wedding and have someone feed the baby a bottle

When being altered, have the seamstress put built in support. Also, a strap that can be tucked in during the pictures and ceremony can be added so the rest of the time you're supported comfortably.

Only wear the dress during pictures and the ceremony. Wear more nursing friendly clothes of the same color the rest of the time.

Have the dress to be altered into a top and bottom. Lift the top to nurse.
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