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Old 12-26-2012, 11:09 PM   #31
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

I sew at home a Lot so that I don't have to work out of the home. I took a job for a couple if days then quit, because I'm not that person anymore. I worked in an office until my daughter was 16 months old. Now I would do anything to stay home. I buy everything secondhand, I cook nearly all meals at home, etc. I get paid by the piece, so I sew as much as I can while still spending time with my kids.
My husband didn't feel as strongly about it, and would rather that I was making more money, but I'm doing the best I can for my family.


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Old 12-26-2012, 11:14 PM   #32
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

We always knew I would stay home. It's very important for us. But, when it actually happened, we were struggling with the mortgage payment without my income. We sold our house 9 months after my first was born. We moved in with my mom for reasons other than finances because we could afford more if we wanted/needed to. A year later, we moved into a house we already owned. The renters were moving out. It was our first house and was smaller than the one we'd sold and smaller than my mom's. I was pregnant with my first set of twins then. It was plenty big enough, but smaller than what we were used to.

We were doing okay in that house, but we wanted our mortgage to be even lower. So, we moved out of that house, turned it back into a rental and bought this house which is farther out. It is 400sq ft bigger but the mortgage is $500 less. However, it is not what I where I would choose to live if I had my choice.

We also cut out any extras like cable. We live frugally.

However, my husband does make good money and we are able to take lower cost vacations and such. I do feel that where we live is a bit of a sacrifice because as I said, this isn't where I would choose. But, our sacrifices aren't that great at this point.

That said, we both agree we would be willing to sacrifice a LOT for me to stay home. We have 6 children, but within reason, we would definitely be willing to sell this house and move to something much smaller if we needed to. We would sell whatever we needed to and cut out anything else, like our cell phones and Netflix, if we had to.

Everyone's values are different. To us, me staying home is one the most important things within our family values.
Heather SAHM to 6 who are 7 and under, including 2 sets of twins and our last little miracle, a surviving identical twin, born Oct 2012!

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Old 12-27-2012, 06:04 AM   #33
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

Well I made a nice salary. We sold both of our expensive cars that had payments for less than we owed on one. We bought a ten year old van outright. We sold the expensive house for just what we owed and took all our savings to put a large dowbpayment on an old farmhouse. We don't have cable and I shop on an extreme budget. We have five kids ranging from 8 months -18 years. We took a huge pay cut when I decided to.stop working for the youngest two babies. Teenagers really took a hit on cool things but it was important to the whole family that I stay home. My teens mow, 2 years later that they love it because mom can do more stuff we with them too.
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Old 12-27-2012, 06:09 AM   #34
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

Originally Posted by HeatherlovesCDs View Post

Everyone's values are different. To us, me staying home is one the most important things within our family values.
Same here. We'd go to extreme great lengths for me to stay at home. We are very blessed though and haven't had to do without too much to afford me staying at home. We don't go out on dates a lot, or do a lot of vacations, no cable, or eat out a ton; but we are comfortable and really can't complain. DH works so hard at a factory and our farm to provide. He is awesome and so supportive of me in my role and mission.
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Old 12-27-2012, 09:41 AM   #35
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

Originally Posted by badmisterkitty View Post
And I just wanted to comment on the part where parents only see their kids for a couple of hours at night and weekends.....those 3-4 hours I spend with my kids at night (plus the 2 every morning) are pure quality. The mornings are a little hectic, but those 5-6 hours I spend with my kids every day I try to be totally focussed on them. So I don't feel a lot of guilt about not being their everything all day. And my DH picks the kids up about 2 hours before I get home, so I feel like they are getting plenty of mom and dad time.
Yeah, in your case it does sound like that is a lot of time, and it works for you guys so keep with it.

Personally speaking, the people I know that have young kids (not school age) work hours that do not allow that kind of time spent. They literally get up, dress the kids, and then the kids are dropped off at daycare. The family I referenced earlier uses a home daycare and the daycare feeds the kids breakfast. There is no two hr window in the morning. Then the kids are picked up a little after 5pm and are in bed by 8, so only a few hrs.

One benefit of staying home that I LOVE is that we hit places like the zoo and childrens museum, and various other outings, when it's not peak time. So there is always an afternoon free to go do something fun with DS vs waiting till the weekend crowd is home. Also nice is that I can take him places that aren't overrun with older bigger school age kids, like the bounce house places where he'd get squashed on a Saturday, LOL. We have a lot of fun during the weekdays, I think it would be awful to have to only be able to do things when it's super busy and packed.
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Old 12-27-2012, 09:57 AM   #36
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We gave up going out all the time, traveling a lot to see family/friends, trimmed the fat on our grocery budget (well, more like we trimmed the steaks! We used to spend $600-700/mo for two adults and we ate VERY well), bought a smaller, more readily affordable house in a lower COL area, and basically had to practice a LOT of restraint. For the first time in a long time, I just bought new (maternity) clothes. We do anything in our power to save money. I like to barter for things (fresh eggs, family photos haha).

Originally Posted by danner
It isn't a luxury though. Not trying to start an argument, but sometimes the thought of someone else putting up with my 17 month old seems like it would be a luxury. Being 24/7 is not easy and when people say something about "the luxury of staying home" I bristle. I wish it felt glamorous.
daycare would totally be a luxury on some days. Like today.
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Old 12-27-2012, 10:26 AM   #37
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

My husband and I discussed our goals and what we saw in our futures before we were married and it had been important to him that I stay home, and it was important to me. With that knowledge, we made a date to throw away the condoms because we were financially past where we wanted to be to be able to do that comfortably.

I could easily have started having children several years earlier, but we really wanted to be in a situation where the money I made wasn't missed. I was making a good amount of money but when we bought our home in 2008 it was purposely purchased with only being paid off my husband's salary, including all food and bills. What I made was for fun stuff, trips, extras, going out to dinner, shopping, etc. Do I miss this? Yes, I do. I do miss being able to going on an exotic and extravagant vacation with barely any notice because we can. But, I don't see us really doing those things with a toddler anyways, so perhaps it wouldn't be applicable to our lives as they are now. I did spend those two-three years really wanting to have a baby, though.

We are very careful with our money. I remember my dad trying to explain to me when I was young why my parents were just fine financially but my uncle's family was losing their home and having to move in with us, yet had every single latest toy on the market. Something to the effect of "We have our money because we did not spend it on silly things." That's stuck with me so I try to think about every purchase I make, even and maybe especially if it's something small. Those things add up rather quickly.

I may just be in a contemplative mood this morning, but this thread has me thinking a lot about maybe consulting or doing something part time. I still have a pretty large earning potential and although these past 15 months have been a really amazing experience and I just love being with DS all day, I do miss some of the hustle and bustle of executing a project to perfection and watching it unfold in front of me. My job was incredibly stressful, though, so I often wonder if it wasn't a blessing to have decided long ago that I would retire when I had my baby. Many late nights and wee hours of the morning putting out fires so those fires wouldn't be blazing destructive messes when I got into work in the morning.

I am rambling. Interesting to think about this, though.
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Old 12-27-2012, 01:58 PM   #38
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

I wanted to be home with DD so bad, but I really didn't anticipate that going in to it. Our mortgage is definitely our biggest expense, but we wouldn't save very much if we rented or went somewhere smaller.

So to make it work we had to really cut back. I had to get super strict about our budget. It was hard at first, but now I don't think much of it. We don't do a lot of extras, but there's enough in there that it doesn't feel like we're going without. And once we made this lifestyle switch, the places to cut our spending seemed obvious. I don't drive anywhere more than 10 minutes unless I'm combining lots of errands. We got frugal about our food and stopped eating out. Our activities are free things like playdates and library story time. Once a week DD and I enjoy a meal out at the local pub with a $1.50 hamburger special (that thing is huge and organic!). We got a $25 annual membership to the aquarium. If you look, there's lots of free activities and things to do.

I got really involved in the thrifty forum, and that helped me see that i could easily go without TV & a landline. We also cut our car insurance from $110 to $57 a month, and found other places to cut monthly bills. I seriously love that forum. I also have been following the minimalism forum to help me see just how much clutter and extra stuff I have. I've become very non-materialistic, and that definitely helps.

Money is tight, and the way that it falls sometimes we're a little short each month and sometimes there's a surplus. We have a big comfy savings we can borrow from if we absolutely need it. We don't have any debt besides mortgage and student loan. Twice a year he gets a 3rd paycheck in a month, he gets a Christmas bonus, and we also get a tax return. These extras really help us pay off debt and replenish the savings and get a little something fun (he opted for running shoes with "toes" last year??).
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:11 PM   #39
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

Originally Posted by danner View Post
We bought a house my husband could afford on his salary alone should babies happen (oh yeah, they happened) and now live a lifestyle in budget. I don't feel like we're sacrificing because me being a sahm is really the only path to happiness for us. We were just able to plan for it.

It isn't a luxury though. Not trying to start an argument, but sometimes the thought of someone else putting up with my 17 month old seems like it would be a luxury. Being 24/7 is not easy and when people say something about "the luxury of staying home" I bristle. I wish it felt glamorous.
I 100% agree with this. I have just recently started staying home. While I truly do love it (I can't complain that I don't need to get out of my pjs until after the baby's first nap!), it is NOT glamorous. My husband makes very good money, but we live in an extremely expensive area. We don't struggle to make ends meet, but we have a VERY modest house and will have to stay here for at least 10-15 years to make money on it because of the economy. Most of my day is spent trying to figure out ways to save money so we can meet our budget every month. There are many things that we do without, but I think you could definitely do it if you set a budget and stuck to it.
Loving wife to my gaming, sports loving hubbie. Sahm to J 2/12 and L 10/13
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:31 PM   #40
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We've gone to ridiculous lengths to keep me home. To such an extreme that we finally realized that it is not possible for us to sustain it.

My husband works part time for a church, runs an audio/event production business, does graphic design. He's gone most days and nights and on busy event seasons we don't see him for days/weeks at a time. We don't have a mortgage (house is paid off, belongs to IL's).

Our biggest problem is we have about $60,000 in debt and we're committed to not incurring any more debt, and to paying off the debt we have. Our debt payments take up almost 1/3 of our monthly income, which isn't big to start with. We haven't incurred any debt for over 12 months (a business loan), and before that its been three years since we used a CC.

Between laying off debt and paying insurance for me and DH, that's over half of our income. And it's just not POSSIBLE for me to stay home any longer. I'm starting a doula practice and trying to figure out how to go back to school to become a nurse. I may go the CNA route first. Still sorting that out.

But we have sacrificed lots of things to try and make it work, and its not working.
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