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Old 12-27-2012, 02:18 PM   #41
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Originally Posted by madebymommy

I think that right there is the trade off for many with being a SAHM vs a WOHM. We don't have any savings and haven't for years, so we don't have that extra security that I assume you are talking about. Its really nerve-wracking and I've definitely had moments where I was crunching numbers, trying to figure out if it would be worth it for me to get a job and put our youngest 2 in daycare!
This exactly.

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Old 12-27-2012, 02:22 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by NotLad

I couldn't agree more, but I know several people that don't live like that. One of my friends is sacrificing health insurance to SAH. Her H's company doesn't offer it and it is small enough to be exempt from obamacare. So they just go without. This is not a sacrifice I'd make. One accident or one health crisis and they are ruined.
Werd.

Case in point: DH is havin a tooth extracted today bc of a dental emergency. We don't have dental insurance, so the total today is going to be around $1000. We happen to have $1000 that he made extra last month that was supposed to cover our shortfall in January. *poof*

With just one income we are CONSTANTLY taking two steps forward and three steps back. It sucks.

I'm so stressed that my mental health is struggling. DH is literally falling apart physically from the stress and strain of his job.

I would have been the FIRST person to come on here and blather about woh being the most horrible parenting choice evar. Well as chance would have it I'm getting a dose of reality. :-/. And I'm definitely eating my words.
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:25 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by joeslittlewoman

A lot of our choices were stupid. Not because I was staying home, but because we kept spending as if hubby's pay hadn't taken a dip. We got real on the tail end of things and started making cuts everywhere we could.
This is us right now. My DH lost a full time job a year ago. I have just assumed he'd get another one at the same level right away. Nope.
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Old 12-27-2012, 02:33 PM   #44
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Both DH and I WOH. I have no urge to become a SAHM, but would love it if DH wanted to be a SAHD. He doesn't want to though.

At this stage, I'm not really willing to sacrifice much to have him stay at home if he wanted to. We just bought a house in a slightly expensive area, and I don't want to move again. If we'd planned on him staying home though I would've been willing to buy a cheaper place further out of town.

We could definitely cut back on some luxuries, but we definitely don't live an extravagent lifestyle. Sadly, even the basics are incredibly expensive in our area.
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Old 12-27-2012, 07:22 PM   #45
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Its hard to say what I am sacrificing financially to be a sahm because we always lived on a single salary in the even that one of us would lose our job or need to quit. So when I did quit we just had less money going into savings.

What would I sacrifice? I dont think I'd sell a car (ours are paid off) but if one died I'd consider not buying a replacement if it would require payments and a loan (depending on where we lived- we are a military fam). We also bought retirement property when we got married. I'd sell that in a heart beat to stay home. I'd also be willing to tighten our belts a bit more. We are pretty good, but if needed there's room for more tightening.

I agree, though, that I wouldnt put ourselves in debt or go without things like insurance or savings.

Also, I worked until DS was 4-6 months old. I was in the military with a demanding job and didnt feel good about how much DS was in daycare (about 60 hours a week). He was the first kid dropped off and the last picked up, five days a week. DH worked every other weekend and I would have to start traveling again when DS turned a year old. So if I had the option of being a wohm with quality time to give my sacrifice limit would be different.

But thats the career I wanted so I guess I dont feel like I am sacrificing financially as much as personally.
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Old 12-27-2012, 08:21 PM   #46
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

We started our family in the beginning of the worst economic crisis our country has seen since the Great Depression. Our oldest was born in 2009. We found out we were pregnant shortly after DH lost his job. We started out very small. We are used to living within and under our means. Right now we have childcare help from family, so we are able to save money every month. If we didn't have help, I couldn't afford to work. Which would devastate me. I LOVE my job. Sometimes I wish I could work fewer hours, but if I have to choose between my 32hrs vs not working at all, I'd choose my 32hrs. Working or not, we don't have a lot of things. There really is nothing to sacrifice even if I wanted to stay home. Maybe become a one car household? As far as I'm concerned, that isn't even an option because I would need a car to get out to playdates, library, grocery shopping, etc to keep me sane and keep my children engaged and stimulated. I have between Christmas and New Years completely off. I've been home all week, and have been loving it! Planned special crafts with my boys, made clay ornaments, painted them, made thank you cards for their gifts, enjoyed being home and watching my 8 month old reach new milestones (he's WALKING!), but I'm just not sure I'd want to stay home allllll the time. Like I said, if there were a way I could work maybe only 20 hrs a week, I'd do it in a heartbeat! I love my job, I enjoy my coworkers who I'd gladly all call my friends, but working is hard too and sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed and miss my children and think mean thoughts about all the SAHMs on my facebook friends list who seem to be on facebook all day long instead of being a parent. :s
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Old 12-27-2012, 08:22 PM   #47
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

I think about this topic regularly. It's rather moot for us because DH refuses to give up anything and doesn't see any point to my staying home (yes, I know, weird.. )

We have a similar issue. We can't afford the mortgage on one income but even with two, we don't have any extras in the way of fancy cars (one 10 yr old ford) or vacations or toys. In our case, the option is to sell the house and move to the burbs. DH would go from a 15 minute bus commute to a 60 minute drive. I think we would have to trim the budget a bit to pay for the extra gas etc.. but it wouldn't be overly hard and although I'd be home for the kids we wouldn't do anything that cost money!
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Old 12-27-2012, 08:45 PM   #48
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

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Originally Posted by badmisterkitty View Post
Thanks for sharing.

Again, I'm not really venting or looking for advice. Just seeing to what extremes people have gone. Our house is the reason I keep working. It's a modest home, perhaps even on the small side. A decent apartment in this city costs the same amount as our mortgage, taxes, etc. I don't really know what I'm trying to get at here, maybe just simply - would you sell your modest home and move into a cruddy apartment just to stay home? Or would you stay in your modest home and to provide a better environment for your kids to grow up?

We are in a weird income range. Middle class, for sure. DH and I make about the same salary and one salary covers daycare costs & the mortgage and the other one covers everything else with a little bit extra every month. Some of it is saved, some spent. So getting rid of one income just doesn't work.

And I just wanted to comment on the part where parents only see their kids for a couple of hours at night and weekends.....those 3-4 hours I spend with my kids at night (plus the 2 every morning) are pure quality. The mornings are a little hectic, but those 5-6 hours I spend with my kids every day I try to be totally focussed on them. So I don't feel a lot of guilt about not being their everything all day. And my DH picks the kids up about 2 hours before I get home, so I feel like they are getting plenty of mom and dad time.

I would sell the house and relocate. This is what we did. We had a choice. Work opposite shifts, see kids pretty much only on days off or have my husband quit and move to a lower cost of living area. We moved. I did go back to work once the kids were in school all day but quit again when my youngest was born. Honestly though since I earn little more than minimum wage it really doesn't pay to go to work. In order to get money left after childcare we would have to sacrifice the quality of care. That was simply not an option.
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Old 12-28-2012, 06:53 AM   #49
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

OP, I know what you mean about having a middle class income but feeling like you're still struggling! I have to keep going over the math to figure out why we aren't better off. But child support for DH's oldest son is a big chunk out of our budget each month.

I always thought I would be a SAHM and was very arrogant about it. But it was just never an option with DH, budgetwise or otherwise. So I guess the length I didn't go to to be a SAHM was to pass on DH and marry someone else!

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Originally Posted by isabelsmummy View Post
I think about this topic regularly. It's rather moot for us because DH refuses to give up anything and doesn't see any point to my staying home (yes, I know, weird.. )
Same here. For the most part it's all worked out pretty well. But school days off are such a pain to deal with and every time the kids are out of school, I fantasize about being a SAHM. (Or working for the district somehow, so I could have the same days off?) The kids are off this week, next, and the following Monday. (Why the last Monday, why?) And it's the usual mishmash of me taking a couple days off, begging Mom to watch them a couple days, hiring a babysitter a couple days, and bringing them into the office with me a couple days. It would be so nice to not have to figure all of that out! But then I'd just be stressed about other stuff.
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Old 12-28-2012, 09:16 AM   #50
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Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home?

for us it was an easy choice because if I subtracted what we would be paying daycare then I was only about $30 less then working full time. I stayed home and took in one child everyday which was then also a playmate for my daughter and I made up the difference in income.
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