Diaper Swappers

Miss squish · 01-01-2013, 04:48 AM

At the moment we are not sacrificing much financially. SO owns a business that is doing very well and my income is not needed, wouldn't have done much more than cover day care and health insurance anyway.

I feel like we are sacrificing a little security though. SO's job requires physical labor and if he were ever to be injured or extremely sick we would be in trouble without me having a job to fall back on. We have about 2 months worth of expenses in savings and money I had saved while working that is meant only for ds's needs or if something crazy happened and ds and I were on our own that would be to help us get started.

What I really am sacrificing is my career. I want to stay at home until a youngest child is 2-3 years old. At least. 4-5 years from now. Thats a long time to go without WOH and I am very worried about the missed time, the lost connections, and the questions about my commitment. When ds is a teensy bit older I plan to reconnect with a local nonprofit agency through some volunteer work but I don't know if it will be enough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by danner

We bought a house my husband could afford on his salary alone should babies happen (oh yeah, they happened) and now live a lifestyle in budget. I don't feel like we're sacrificing because me being a sahm is really the only path to happiness for us. We were just able to plan for it.

It isn't a luxury though. Not trying to start an argument, but sometimes the thought of someone else putting up with my 17 month old seems like it would be a luxury. Being 24/7 is not easy and when people say something about "the luxury of staying home" I bristle. I wish it felt glamorous.

AMEN. It is amazing and wonderful to be with ds full time but its not the vacation so many people think it is. It's my job (granted I can go to work in sweatpants if I want) but I get less freedom than if I had a WOH position. At least in a WOh job I can take a bathroom break on my own terms.

badmisterkitty · 01-02-2013, 12:21 PM

Really loving this discussion! I wasn't sure where it would go when I posted it, but I'm glad I did. I won't personally be quitting my job or anything, but it's so interesting to see how everyone got into SAH (or not).

Sometimes I get anxious about being a WOHM. Usually when I have a sick kiddo. I feel bad that I work when one of them gets sick. It's just stressful to rearrange my schedule, find someone to cover my rear, figure out when DH can get home so I can go to work, etc. I feel like a really bad mom to be stressed out over a sick kid. Then it's never a one day affair, so we do it all over again the next day, then the next kid gets it a week later. Rinse, repeat. It's been a rough year for illness, but I think it will get better in time.

bluedaisyma · 01-02-2013, 04:54 PM

Well...I have always stayed home (a few times I worked a few hrs babysitting or at a gym for the membership) and I don't feel like I have sacrificed anything even though we are currently in a bad financial place. Even if my woh would help (in our situation it wouldn't) I don't think I would. Being poor is a pita but the benefits my children receive from me being home outweigh that.

escapethevillage · 01-02-2013, 05:00 PM

I have my own childcare. It's a lot of hard work, a lot of wear and tear on the house and the family. It means when my husband is home sick or has the day off, he has to spend a whole day listening to the noise.

But, it's a job. I'm proud of my work. I am happy to be doing it, and I was able to stay home and raise my daughter. (although, I had this business 8 years before she was ever born)

I won't lie though... I DO dream of retiring early. I was on vacation last week, and it was nice. I occasionally wish I didn't have to work. But, I do have to, and it's reality..so, I make the best of it.

JennTheMomma · 01-02-2013, 05:08 PM

I always intended to be a SAHM, eventhough I went to college. After having ds1 I became deeply passionate about all things pregnancy, birth and infant related. But I still wanted to SAHM. So I got multiple certificates/licenses in pregnancy/birth related things and built that into a home based career. It took awhile of course, and money, but having a home office and getting to work plus be a SAHM is totally worth it to me.

TypeAMom · 01-02-2013, 07:17 PM

We've sacrificed my career advancement (even though it was nil when I decided to stay home), my and employer's 401K contribution (husband still has his), cable, ability to get a 4wd car which would be awesome considering where we live, nice gifts, having newer cars, nice vacations (driving a few hours to stay at family members' homes is all we can afford), nice clothes, regular hair cuts, most kid activities (like soccer), attractions (like museums) unless we get tickets as gifts, going out, organic food, etc. I feel like me being home is one of the best things for our family. Also, I do work 50% time, but it's for my parents so I have flexibility. That being said, I've had to send my daughter to daycare 2 days a week, but it's great socialization for her and it keeps my resume active. Lastly, we bought our house a few years before I got pregnant and I always thought I'd continue to work full time, so we've had to cut a lot of corners in order to still pay our bills, but it's all been worth it. OK, 1 more 'lastly,' I agree that it's a thankless and difficult job, but I do think it's a luxury. Having the choice (even if you have to make sacrifices) to work or stay home is a luxury. We're lower middle class, but if I was a single mom, for example, I would not have the ability to stay home.

diana51 · 01-04-2013, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deely

We don't "need" my income, but my income does provide us extra security and peace of mind that we wouldn't have if I stayed home. I would give up any material item to be home with my kid, but I will not sacrifice peace and security for the whole family.

My husband is 10 years older than me and didn't have a dime saved for retirement when we met. So we have to save a lot for retirement each month, it adds up to more than our mortgage. We'd also really like to pay off our mortgage early since I really would like the security of owning our own home. So if I quit working I feel like we would be sacrificing our future security and I wouldn't have any peace of mind since I would be worried about it all the time. We live pretty simply so we can save for our goals. My situation is different from a lot of WOH moms though, I have a lot of flexibility on when and how long I work and I'm able to work from home sometimes.

NotLad · 01-04-2013, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JAG's baby mama

Most people who can figure this out do it because the wife/woman isn't making anywhere near what her DH/SO makes. At least that is what I read here most often.

We did this on purpose. We invested heavily into dh's education so he would have the income to support our family. When we knew the time to have kids was near, we adjusted our lifestyle to live on his salary alone.

I walked away from a successful career to be a sahm. My earning potential was as good as DH's, but it was in the best interest of our family for me to be home with the kids.

cobbermama · 01-04-2013, 08:59 PM

I never thought I'd want to stay home FT...but now I wish I could.

There simply is no way that we could ever afford it. DH doesn't make enough, and his student loan bills are ginormous. We're incredibly thrifty and budget-conscious, are not extravagant, are not concerned with having "bigger and better," etc. It just isn't in the cards financially.

I am very thankful, though, that as a teacher I get school breaks and summers with my LO. I get to do both SAHM and WOHM for different parts of the year.

01-02-2013, 12:21 PM	#72
badmisterkitty Registered Users Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 3,618 Ratings: 68 Feedback: 100%	Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home? Really loving this discussion! I wasn't sure where it would go when I posted it, but I'm glad I did. I won't personally be quitting my job or anything, but it's so interesting to see how everyone got into SAH (or not). Sometimes I get anxious about being a WOHM. Usually when I have a sick kiddo. I feel bad that I work when one of them gets sick. It's just stressful to rearrange my schedule, find someone to cover my rear, figure out when DH can get home so I can go to work, etc. I feel like a really bad mom to be stressed out over a sick kid. Then it's never a one day affair, so we do it all over again the next day, then the next kid gets it a week later. Rinse, repeat. It's been a rough year for illness, but I think it will get better in time. __________________ Amy ~ Everything in moderation, WOH, glass half full, not committed to any labels, try, try again mama to 3! H 11/07 and M 8/10 and B 8/12

01-02-2013, 04:54 PM	#73
bluedaisyma Registered Users Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 6,777 Ratings: 27 Feedback: 100%	Well...I have always stayed home (a few times I worked a few hrs babysitting or at a gym for the membership) and I don't feel like I have sacrificed anything even though we are currently in a bad financial place. Even if my woh would help (in our situation it wouldn't) I don't think I would. Being poor is a pita but the benefits my children receive from me being home outweigh that. __________________ Jul, Mama to 1/2 dozen boys; and been doing those "off-beat" parenting things way before they were cool and learning more each day!

01-02-2013, 05:00 PM	#74
escapethevillage Registered Users Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Arizona Posts: 7,107 Ratings: 3 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home? I have my own childcare. It's a lot of hard work, a lot of wear and tear on the house and the family. It means when my husband is home sick or has the day off, he has to spend a whole day listening to the noise. But, it's a job. I'm proud of my work. I am happy to be doing it, and I was able to stay home and raise my daughter. (although, I had this business 8 years before she was ever born) I won't lie though... I DO dream of retiring early. I was on vacation last week, and it was nice. I occasionally wish I didn't have to work. But, I do have to, and it's reality..so, I make the best of it. __________________

01-02-2013, 05:08 PM	#75
JennTheMomma Registered Users Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 6,248 Ratings: 3 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home? I always intended to be a SAHM, eventhough I went to college. After having ds1 I became deeply passionate about all things pregnancy, birth and infant related. But I still wanted to SAHM. So I got multiple certificates/licenses in pregnancy/birth related things and built that into a home based career. It took awhile of course, and money, but having a home office and getting to work plus be a SAHM is totally worth it to me. __________________ Happily Married Momma to my two Bambinos & Bambina Birth Professional, Certified Breastfeeding Counselor, Babywearing Educator

01-02-2013, 07:17 PM	#76
TypeAMom Registered Users Formerly: Diae Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: New England Posts: 1,116 Ratings: 4 Feedback: 100% My Mood:**	Re: What Lengths Have You/Would You Go To To Stay Home? We've sacrificed my career advancement (even though it was nil when I decided to stay home), my and employer's 401K contribution (husband still has his), cable, ability to get a 4wd car which would be awesome considering where we live, nice gifts, having newer cars, nice vacations (driving a few hours to stay at family members' homes is all we can afford), nice clothes, regular hair cuts, most kid activities (like soccer), attractions (like museums) unless we get tickets as gifts, going out, organic food, etc. I feel like me being home is one of the best things for our family. Also, I do work 50% time, but it's for my parents so I have flexibility. That being said, I've had to send my daughter to daycare 2 days a week, but it's great socialization for her and it keeps my resume active. Lastly, we bought our house a few years before I got pregnant and I always thought I'd continue to work full time, so we've had to cut a lot of corners in order to still pay our bills, but it's all been worth it. OK, 1 more 'lastly,' I agree that it's a thankless and difficult job, but I do think it's a luxury. Having the choice (even if you have to make sacrifices) to work or stay home is a luxury. We're lower middle class, but if I was a single mom, for example, I would not have the ability to stay home. __________________ I'm a wife to my sweetheart ('07), a bio-mom to my little girl ('10)(who I've waited years to meet!), stepmom to my teenage boy and a slave to my 2 kitties. Last edited by TypeAMom; 01-02-2013 at 07:20 PM.