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Old 12-28-2012, 12:12 PM   #11
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Re: Socially awkward?

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Originally Posted by Kiliki View Post
This could be true.

I suppose it also depends on the age difference. How old was the older kid?

I expect a 12-13 yr old kid to be old enough to know and realize and acknowledge that little kids don't know "right and wrong" social queues or personal space, and to respond accordingly. I don't expect a 7-10 year old to necessarily make that connection.

This touched my nerve, sorry. I have a big problem with kids being rude, and the OP's story reminded me of the little girl that my DD tries to talk to everytime we see her. (which is pretty often btw - a couple times a wk at least) So I am coming at it from a different angle.
Don't apologize. I happen to agree with everything you said. (as usual ) It's rude not to respond. I am working on that with my 5 year old right now. It is also a teachable moment for the 2 year old about personal space. But, in that situation, I would expect my 7 year old to know to be polite. I am confident he would have responded nicely, even if the child was "in his space." Then, after the child moved on, he would say, "That boy was funny." with a giggle. Or possibly, "I didn't like how close to me he got." But, my kids are around young kids because my oldest is only 7 and I have 6 total. They are used to how 2 year olds act. Actually, I would expect my 5 year olds to respond the same, but they might need more help since they are younger. On the flip side, when one of my 2 year old gets in someone's space, I gently pull them back and tell them it's not polite to get so close.

ETA - Even though I think it's rude. I still think it's fairly common/normal behavior for an older child. Even older children are still children and need to be reminded of manors sometimes. Even some adults need reminding.

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Old 12-28-2012, 12:13 PM   #12
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Re: Socially awkward?

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This touched my nerve, sorry. I have a big problem with kids being rude, and the OP's story reminded me of the little girl that my DD tries to talk to everytime we see her. (which is pretty often btw - a couple times a wk at least) So I am coming at it from a different angle.
If your kids see this child a couple times a week that is rude. She had time to warm up to your kids and can manage a simple response if she isn't ready to start playing right away. Some kids are not being rude though when they don't respond. They are taken aback and haven't processed things and freeze up and feel put on the spot. It also is rude that the girl giving them dirty looks. I know when my daughter was not able to manage a response right away she would hide away in our legs or look bewildered but she wouldn't stare or give bad looks.
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Old 12-28-2012, 12:27 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by SaraElise
Yep it all sounds normal. And not even just for ages, but personalities. My kids are SHY, not awkward, they interact with others, but if someone approaches them out of the blue they are sort of taken aback since it takes them a minute or two to warm up.

All 3 of mine would be those staring blankly, or completely looking away kids
I do see ds as normal, but for me he is more social than I ever was. I was a shy kid & I still take time to warm up to people. So it's neat for me to see that he isn't afraid to say hi to other people.

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Old 12-28-2012, 12:29 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Kiliki
Ok, I think the younger kid (your LO?) in this scenario is the normal kid and the one not responding is the awkward kid. In our society, the older kid will probably be viewed in the realm of "normal" but honestly, I think it's just a result of bad manners.

There is one little girl that my DD tries desperately to talk to, who just stares right through her everytime.... and it makes me so irritated and angry. And, no this little girl is not special needs, and yes, I DO know that for a fact. She's just rude.

I know all kids have their own personalities, but I really encourage my kids not to be rude. It doesn't' take much at all to just smile and wave back when someone is saying hello. You don't even have to verbally SAY hi. But don't stare at my kid like they are an alien b/c they are friendly and no one taught you any manners. Ugh. HATE that.
I agree. I was wondering if a lot of it is because Of where we live, in cold, hard New England (RI to be exact). People just aren't very friendly here like they are in the South & Midwest where I grew up.

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Old 12-28-2012, 12:32 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiliki

This could be true.

I suppose it also depends on the age difference. How old was the older kid?

I expect a 12-13 yr old kid to be old enough to know and realize and acknowledge that little kids don't know "right and wrong" social queues or personal space, and to respond accordingly. I don't expect a 7-10 year old to necessarily make that connection.

This touched my nerve, sorry. I have a big problem with kids being rude, and the OP's story reminded me of the little girl that my DD tries to talk to everytime we see her. (which is pretty often btw - a couple times a wk at least) So I am coming at it from a different angle.
There were a few older kids that ds said hi to today. And I would guess they were 7-10 years old.

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Old 12-28-2012, 06:22 PM   #16
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Re: Socially awkward?

While it may be normal behavior for their age, I would've thought it strange for older kids to act that way to a toddler. Maybe they were just trying to act cool in front of their peers. FWIW, my 4 kids, ages 6-10, would've totally loved on your little guy.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:12 PM   #17
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If my nine year old was approached like that she wouldn't answer either. But she is not neurotypical so probably doesn't count. Some kids aren't around younger kids much and don't know how to react so I'd say its normal on both sides
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:43 PM   #18
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Re: Socially awkward?

I'm so glad you posted this OP because I used to think it strange when kids did not respond to my LO. At the park and library it was the worst for me. I kept wondering why they would just not say "hi". My older children always engage with younger children and even start playing games with them, so I really found it strange.

You know what is worse? When adults do not respond to her greetings. She's never got into anyone's personal space. Just walking past at the grocery or something. I had to bite my tongue many a time! I often felt like saying: "Come on, just respond to her!"
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Old 12-29-2012, 09:21 AM   #19
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Re: Socially awkward?

For a 7-10 year old, yes I would say that is rude, normal, but rude.

My older 2 are 5 and 4 and while we work on responding when people talk to them, I will in no way force them to talk to strangers, younger or older who approach them, or act as though they have done something wrong if they don't want to respond to strangers.

They get A LOT of extra attention because they have pretty striking red hair, and it's unusual I guess to see 3 kids with red hair, so they are stopped several times in stores and talked to by strangers wherever we go. It's uncomfortable for me (even though I do respond politely every time), I can only imagine how difficult it is for them as very shy kids to be approached and expected to speak to others they don't know so often.

By 7-10 though, I would expect them to at least acknowledge someone though, even if they don't feel like engaging.

Being shy does not equal socially awkward.
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Old 12-29-2012, 10:04 AM   #20
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Re: Socially awkward?

I can see both sides of this because when my kids were younger they were the ones who were friendly and waving at everyone and getting in their personal space if nobody paid attention. I didn't understand the older kids who ignored them. Now my kids are a bit older and I sometimes have to prod them to respond to a younger kid. I think kids are very egocentric in that they assume everyone else will view things the same way they do. They aren't weird or bad for being that way. It's our job to teach them how to behave and to try to understand where others are coming from.
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