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Old 12-28-2012, 05:25 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crunch!910
I'm not saying it bothers me at all.. This thread is NOT ABOUT THAT!!! My husband chooses not to look. He's respectful. That isn't childish. And I certainly doing go staring at her breast, no matter if she whips the entire thing out.

The issue here is that my friend will not nurse in public because she I guess hasn't figured out to nurse discreetly. I was wondering if I should offer to HELP her. Geesh people. This isn't about bashign her. This isn't about bashing me. While I may not agree with it, if she felt comfortable enough to just whip it out in public and feed, those rights are protected and I would j ust keep my thoughts to myself. But since my friend won't nurse in public, I just thought that if maybe I showed her how to be more discreet it woudln't be such an issue anymore. Sorry, I'm frustrated that this thread is turning into the "don't like it don't look!!!" mentality when that's not what its about.
I'd just ask her. Hey, I've noticed you don't like to nurse in public. I know some tips on how to nurse discreetly and I wondered if that would make you feel comfortable doing so, or if there was another reason you were avoiding it. Emphasize that you are genuinely curious, proud of her for nursing for 8 months, and were nervous to bring it up bc you didn't want to make her feel awkward.

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Old 12-28-2012, 05:47 PM   #22
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

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Originally Posted by ktmelody View Post
Who cares? Is there a rule that someone has to nurse a certain way? No, and why does your husband have to leave the room? Surely he is a grown man who can handle seeing a boob. I don't know just seems childish to me, there should be no shame in nursing however a mother chooses.

I would keep my mouth shut.
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Old 12-28-2012, 05:59 PM   #23
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

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Originally Posted by kaia.aline View Post
This was the other part I felt was judgmental
We're good enough friends that I don't have to walk around on egg shells with her. If she were to wean early, she'd already know that I don't agree with that. This thread isn't about that. And please do not demonize me for having my own personal opinion when it comes to those who choose not to breastfeed when they are otherwise capable. I can have my opinions on that and still be respectful, and still be a friend to someone that may choose not to breastfeed.

However, back on topic
- bringing it up was for the purposes of explaining WHY I am reluctant to say anything, because she's already on the edge and I don't want to say anything that would influence her to wean early. That's it. It wasn't to bash her or ridicule her publicly on a forum - it was an explanation. End. Of. Story. Thanks.


BeccaSue, thankyou so much! That was the kind of helpful advice I was looking for. Maybe next time we see eachother and are talking, I could just casually bring up the topic of nursing in public, see what she has to say, and then determine from there if I should offer tips, all the while being extremely careful not to make her feel self conscious or imply she's showing too much.
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Old 12-28-2012, 06:18 PM   #24
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You didn't say it made her uncomfortable to nurse in front of others or in public...you just said she doesn't because her husband didn't like it. Which IMO is childish.

Breasts are sexual, breasts are for feeding babies, but breasts being used while feeding a baby is not sexual therefore there should be no issue at all. (A lot or a little or none showing doesn't matter).
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Old 12-28-2012, 06:47 PM   #25
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I'd leave it alone. I'm thinking if she has been nursing 8 months then she has a clue what's going on and how to nurse discreetly. My DD did not allow me to nurse discreetly (messing with my shirt, always looking around, wanted maximum boob exposure, etc.). It's not that I "never learned," it's that babies are individuals and my DD wasnt having it at that age. Maybe her baby just likes to nurse the way she is doing it. If a friend offered at that point to show me how to properly hold my 8 month old baby to nurse in public I would have laughed and said no thanks, and probably would have been a little pissed at my friend for scrutinizing me.

Last edited by Teexie; 12-28-2012 at 06:49 PM.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:01 PM   #26
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

How good a friend is she? I never minded, and in fact appreciated it, when my friends offered any kind of suggestion. I might just ask her if she has tried a regular cradle hold because it's something you found very comfortable.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:07 PM   #27
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

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Originally Posted by ktmelody View Post
You didn't say it made her uncomfortable to nurse in front of others or in public...you just said she doesn't because her husband didn't like it. Which IMO is childish.

Breasts are sexual, breasts are for feeding babies, but breasts being used while feeding a baby is not sexual therefore there should be no issue at all. (A lot or a little or none showing doesn't matter).
I apologize. I thought when I said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunch!910 View Post
She won't nurse in public, her husband doesn't like when she nurses in front of others, and my husband always has to go to the other room when she's over, so she's not just choosing to whip it out because she thinks there is nothing sexual about boobs ...
it would be understood that she was not comfortable nursing in public or in front of others. Not sure if you've read all the replies, but this thread is clearly about how she is uncomfortable nursing in front of others and either cannot be or has not learned to be discreet. This thread has nothing to do with how *I* feel she should nurse, but rather about how she feels about nursing, and if there was any way I could help her to feel more comfortable by giving her tips on being discreet. Not because I'm imposing my own thoughts of modesty on her, but because she already feels insecure about nursing in front of others (hence the "won't nurse in public" and "my husband always has to leave the room").

And there is nothing childish about how she chooses to feed her child in public, even if that means she pumps before she leaves homes and offers a bottle. *scratches head* I prefer to be discreet when I nurse in public because I don't care for anyone, especially other males, to see my breasts, and that doesn't make me childish if I chose to not nurse in public at all because I had a child or breasts that made discreet nursing impossible. Nor would it be childish if my husband was not comfortable with my breasts hanging out, flashing the whole world. It would mean, however, that we are modest people that share the same values.. but childish? I think that's a silly way to describe someone that prefers to be modest??? And in this case, prefers that his wife share the same values and practices modesty. That doesn't make us childish, bad, or anything else. We simply are more modest and there is nothing wrong with that. I understand others see breasts differently, I accept that, and would never say anything to someone who I may personally feel is showing too much while breastfeeding. Likewise, I would expect those with differ viewpoint to respect those that would choose to nurse discreetly and not call them silly things like "childish".
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:46 PM   #28
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

While I don't agree with everything ktmelody has said, I can certainly understand why she feels the way she does because your OP was really confusing. I *think* I understand now that you've clarified some things so let me take a stab at things.

I have a huge boobs and NIP even though I can't be all that discreet. I hardly can do the cradle hold even though I'd love to. I'm finally beginning to get the hang of it but its only at home and when I have to walk and nurse. Baby pops off anyways. Plus I'm still using the shield so its a fun time! lol

It sounds like she's confided in you about her discomfort with NIP. If that's the case I'd simply bring the subject up, I like the way the PP suggested, and ask if she needs some help. Or pretend like you're having trouble with a particular hold or shirt and ask her if she has any ideas on how to be more discreet and see if that opens the door.

Again, if she personally expresses being uneasy about baring the entire boob, mention something. Otherwise just praise her like crazy for making it 8 months!
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Old 12-28-2012, 09:11 PM   #29
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

not a lot of help, but i nursed for nearly 3 years almost exclusively with the football hold... sometimes only one hold works, so it might not be that she only wants to use the cross cradle, it might be that thats all that works for them...

and ditto the PP that talked about big boobs pointing down, lol...its a pain!
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Old 12-28-2012, 09:20 PM   #30
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Does she already think she is? I have a friend that thought she was discreet and was shocked when we revealed at a mom's night that she shows off more than she had realized. It was one of those you had to be there moments but she honestly didn't realize she was less than discreet.
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