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Old 12-28-2012, 09:47 PM   #31
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

I'm positive she knows, because she talks about either people choosing to leave the room on their own, or asking them to leave. And I mean.. she's holding her entire breast in her hand and she even talked to me about how its gotten worse since our babies are older and more easily distracted when eating, so revealing everrrrything when they unlatch to look around. She knows she's showing alot, hence the not wanting to nurse in public. Even though I know she knows she shows quite a bit, I'm not sure that she knows that she could do things to be more discreet without having to buy fancy, expensive nursing clothing. Even though she sees me nursing discreetly in front of others all the time, she just hasn't picked up on it by observing, nor has she asked. Actually, on many occasions she thought my LO was sleeping, not nursing. Who knows.. maybe she's just fine with the way she does things, and even if I offer some tips, she'll just shrug and ignore my advice. It wouldn't be the first time.

Normally I'm not this wishy washy on if I should say something, its just a matter of all her other comments of weaning early, I didn't want to make her feel even more insecure and inadvertently give her even more reasons to wean early. I'm very surprised she's made it this long and very proud of her.

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Old 12-28-2012, 11:03 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crunch!910
I'm positive she knows, because she talks about either people choosing to leave the room on their own, or asking them to leave. And I mean.. she's holding her entire breast in her hand and she even talked to me about how its gotten worse since our babies are older and more easily distracted when eating, so revealing everrrrything when they unlatch to look around. She knows she's showing alot, hence the not wanting to nurse in public. Even though I know she knows she shows quite a bit, I'm not sure that she knows that she could do things to be more discreet without having to buy fancy, expensive nursing clothing. Even though she sees me nursing discreetly in front of others all the time, she just hasn't picked up on it by observing, nor has she asked. Actually, on many occasions she thought my LO was sleeping, not nursing. Who knows.. maybe she's just fine with the way she does things, and even if I offer some tips, she'll just shrug and ignore my advice. It wouldn't be the first time.

Normally I'm not this wishy washy on if I should say something, its just a matter of all her other comments of weaning early, I didn't want to make her feel even more insecure and inadvertently give her even more reasons to wean early. I'm very surprised she's made it this long and very proud of her.
You could tell her that you've noticed that he use the same hold most of the time, and ask what she likes about it. That could open the door for a conversation about other holds.
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Old 12-29-2012, 12:02 AM   #33
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You could tell her that you've noticed that he use the same hold most of the time, and ask what she likes about it. That could open the door for a conversation about other holds.
This. I would have the conversation. Some things you just need a girlfriends help with. I cant tell you how many times I've asked personal questions to my friends, those things you really can't learn from anyone else. Maybe she doesn't have an outlet like DS or a birth board for help? I have 38 H/I breasts that nature hasn't been so kind to and I nurse very discreetly with the nursing cami/shirt combo no cover. I find it helpful if he seems to be struggling to do normal cradle hold and then kinda gently push back some of the errr boob fat? Away from his face so I'm only touching myself with a few fingers than the whole hand. I can see how that would be awkward and really tiring.
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Old 12-29-2012, 02:35 AM   #34
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I use a nursing cover because I nurse from the top (I wear Low necks & tanks). It's comfortable for me. I hate the nurse from the bottom, and my kids have hated my shirt on their head. It drives us all nuts. I usually use a cover, but when they get wriggly, it often gets batted & pulled at.

If I was her, I'm not sure I'd appreciate after 8 months someone advising me I could do it different when what I am doing is working for me. The benefit doesn't sound like its for momma, but the social instances where other have to leave the room. So, in a sense, the benefit is for others in social situations she's present at. ...yeah, I'd be annoyed, someone felt I could nurse better for social reasons, but that's just my opinion.

If you are interested in this subject, I think you should begin by discussing how nursing is going, open a door to the topic, my learn more about why she nurses that way BEFORE handing out advice on nursing around others.
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Old 12-29-2012, 06:12 AM   #35
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

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Originally Posted by Sydsmom View Post
This. I would have the conversation. Some things you just need a girlfriends help with. I cant tell you how many times I've asked personal questions to my friends, those things you really can't learn from anyone else. Maybe she doesn't have an outlet like DS or a birth board for help? I have 38 H/I breasts that nature hasn't been so kind to and I nurse very discreetly with the nursing cami/shirt combo no cover. I find it helpful if he seems to be struggling to do normal cradle hold and then kinda gently push back some of the errr boob fat? Away from his face so I'm only touching myself with a few fingers than the whole hand. I can see how that would be awkward and really tiring.
I have to do the same thing in the cradle hold. I cradle, and then my other hand reaches inbetween me and baby to slightly press the breast tissue so that it no longer blocks baby's airway. Sometimes if I hold him just right I don't have to do this, but most of the time I do. Maybe she doesn't do cradle because she's never figured out to gently press to open a space to breathe. The way she hunches over can't be comfortable for her back. She's not very ... er... not sure what word fits... but academic? as me. I read a lot. I took classes with my first, I read several breastfeeding books, I was apart of a local WIC breastfeeding support group, and I'm constantly reading online articles, so I know the different holds, their names, and while I don't typically think of the things I know as being some kind of special knowledge, when I talk to her about breastfeeding, I realize her knowledge is extremely limited. So my guess is she's truly not aware there are actual "positions" other than what she was taught in the hospital.

Once again, I will repeat, I started this thread to question if and/or how I could HELP her, not because I'm imposing my own opinions on how she should nurse for societal acceptance, but because she is uncomfortable nursing in public and with others present because of how much she shows and if possible I would like to help her become more comfortable nursing wherever she may choose. My choosing to include the fact that others leave the room or she asks them to leave is simply to explain that she doesn't feel comfortable, and to emphasize just how much she is showing. I repeat, this thread is NOT about how others think of her nursing - it is about how comfortable SHE feels and because she's obviously uncomfortable nursing in public, if there was anything I could do to make that more comfortable for her without also inadvertently causing her to be more insecure.
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Old 12-29-2012, 06:23 AM   #36
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

I would simply use of the topic starters listed by the PPs (asking why she likes that hold for example) to get the convo started and go from there. There's usually always a way to work a particular issue into a general conversation. I'd start the convo by making it appear that you are asking her for advice, to avoid any defensiveness.
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Old 12-29-2012, 06:32 AM   #37
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I'm not saying it bothers me at all.. This thread is NOT ABOUT THAT!!! My husband chooses not to look. He's respectful. That isn't childish. And I certainly doing go staring at her breast, no matter if she whips the entire thing out.

The issue here is that my friend will not nurse in public because she I guess hasn't figured out to nurse discreetly. I was wondering if I should offer to HELP her. Geesh people. This isn't about bashign her. This isn't about bashing me. While I may not agree with it, if she felt comfortable enough to just whip it out in public and feed, those rights are protected and I would j ust keep my thoughts to myself. But since my friend won't nurse in public, I just thought that if maybe I showed her how to be more discreet it woudln't be such an issue anymore. Sorry, I'm frustrated that this thread is turning into the "don't like it don't look!!!" mentality when that's not what its about.
I have a friend with really large breasts who has never nursed past 3 months with her previous children. She was more dedicated this time and wanted me to help her out with nursing in public. She's finally gotten the hang of it and I think that after she does it some she wi get more of the "just don't look attitude". I know I'm a lot more comfortable after nursing the first for three years and now the baby is almost 8 months. My friends baby is too and she's still going strong.

If you are really close maybe just bring it up sometime. It mention how uncomfortable you were nursing in public at first and see if she talks about it. I don't see it as you criticizing her, I see it as you caring about your friends feelings and wanting to help her succeed. I think you mentioned her not having a lot of support at home regarding nursing so having your support may be what she needs.

As far as your hubby, he's not being childish. He's just being respectful of your friends feelings which is really sweet if you ask me
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Old 12-29-2012, 09:02 AM   #38
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

What about making conversation about something you read on DS. There's usually forums about NIP. You could say how you were reading such and such and how this mom was really nervous to nurse in public. Or even bring up some article in a magazine about NIP to get the conversation going. Then you can say how there were all these great tips you got from Moms on here about how to be discreet and it made you more confident and you can list some of them. Watch her to gauge how interested she is or if she is uncomfortable talking about it.
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:00 AM   #39
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

If you feel she doesn't know better than say something and take whatever resp
onse she has in stride. And so what if she's not comfortable nursing in public? I rarely nurse in public. I hate it. Also I have large breasts and have to hold my breast also. Maybe she won't be able to nurse very discreetly. It sounds like she is comfortable nursing in front of you and your dh. Though I except your dh is uncomfortable? So we would be more comfortable if she was more disceet?
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Old 12-30-2012, 09:04 AM   #40
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

I always pull the " I (read this article/saw this webpage/read this book) that talked about nursing that I found really helpful." Go on to mention something in there that you found interesting, helpful, or unexpected. If she's interested, mention all the things you can think of that made nursing in public easier.

In her case, I would probably start with something like, "I recently read this article about how some breastfeeding moms have back problems because they lean over to feed rather than lean back. It mentioned how different holds and using pillows can make it more comfortable to feed." Then you could do the, "I tried this new position (regardless of whether it is truly new to you) called laid back breastfeeding. I found it really comfortable!"

Obviously gauge her interest. If she changes the subject, then she just doesn't care about getting your help to breastfeed. But maybe you'll plant a "seed" and she'll go off and do some research herself.
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