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Old 12-28-2012, 03:55 PM   #1
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Anyone else have a little one who acts like mine?

My son is about to turn 3 and sometimes he can be a great joy. Sometimes, perhaps more often, he is mean and surly and just kind of weird. Here are some examples of things he does:

- He loves to sing but he hates it when people sing and if they try he yells at them to stop. He also seems to dislike clapping. At birthdays I have to bring him into another room and talk him down from an emotional fit when they sing happy birthday. At x-mas a young cousin made a nice speech about holidays and when everyone clapped DS ran from the room yelling.

- On halloween he refused to wear his costume (he requested the specific costume I made, but just wouldn't wear it). We went to a halloween party where all the kids (who he knows) wore costumes and marched in a costume "parade"...he insisted on marching but in his regular clothes.

- When he gets hurt it seems that he just gets mad. He screams and tries to hit me if I try to comfort him.

- He wanted nothing to do with playing in the snow or sledding, even with other kids he knows right there having a great time and laughing. He stood like a statue frowning.

- He is a poop-holder and refuses to go of his own free will no matter what bribes I give him. (this is getting medical attention but I mention it because it points to his stubbornness).

- When he has tantrums they can last 30 minutes or more even if I totally disengage.

- He asks me questions and then gets really mad about my answers. Like, what my favorite color is or what was that sound outside and he'll just start shouting "NO IT ISN'T!"

I guess what I'm wondering is, is he just a "spirited child" as they say, or is he truly very different from other kids. I try not to let it worry me, especially since I was a "different" and problematic child and I ended up being fine, but some days it really wears me down.

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Old 12-28-2012, 03:59 PM   #2
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Par for the course. My kids all did/do the singing thing. It drives me nuts! The tantrum thing is annoying. We see a psychologist for DS and she says to walk away and completely ignore the tantrums. She recommended two books--The Out if Sync Child and Parenting the Defiant Child by Kazdin. Both are good and might help you.
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Old 12-28-2012, 05:13 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by luvsviola
Par for the course. My kids all did/do the singing thing. It drives me nuts! The tantrum thing is annoying. We see a psychologist for DS and she says to walk away and completely ignore the tantrums. She recommended two books--The Out if Sync Child and Parenting the Defiant Child by Kazdin. Both are good and might help you.
Ditto. :-)
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Old 12-28-2012, 05:36 PM   #4
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He sounds a lot like my DS2, who turned 3 in October. I'd like to say it gets better/easier, but for us, it's gotten more difficult as he gets older :/.
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Old 12-28-2012, 05:59 PM   #5
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Re: Anyone else have a little one who acts like mine?

It does sound similar to my 4 and 6 year old with different things that set them off. I suspect they both have sensory issues.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:11 PM   #6
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Re: Anyone else have a little one who acts like mine?

Read Raising Your Spirited Child. It really changed my perspective on my kid. He doesn't do all of the same things, but he takes offense to me singing with him or imitating him (even when he's just so cute I can't help it), and he refused his Halloween costume. He also used to hate grass and sand, but now is okay with it. I think he has mild sensory stuff, which is common to spirited kids. But anyway, the book is excellent. It really let me give a name to the different things he experiences day to day and made me feel like there wasn't anything wrong. Today he scratched my nose up really bad because I was changing his diaper and it was too close to nap. I totally understand a lot of the things you are say. Definitely spirited -- which really has a list of "symptoms" and behaviors that go along with it. Good luck.
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Old 12-28-2012, 08:31 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by hokoonchi
Read Raising Your Spirited Child. It really changed my perspective on my kid. He doesn't do all of the same things, but he takes offense to me singing with him or imitating him (even when he's just so cute I can't help it), and he refused his Halloween costume. He also used to hate grass and sand, but now is okay with it. I think he has mild sensory stuff, which is common to spirited kids. But anyway, the book is excellent. It really let me give a name to the different things he experiences day to day and made me feel like there wasn't anything wrong. Today he scratched my nose up really bad because I was changing his diaper and it was too close to nap. I totally understand a lot of the things you are say. Definitely spirited -- which really has a list of "symptoms" and behaviors that go along with it. Good luck.
Completely agree. It helped to understand him. But it all sounds like normal spirited child to me. But as someone else said, it has gotten worse as he's gotten older not better. He's only 4.5 though.
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Old 01-01-2013, 11:15 PM   #8
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Re: Anyone else have a little one who acts like mine?

My dd is 3 and had a full on hysterical out of control tantrum tonight for 30 minutes. It happens at least twice a week.

It always feels to me like there are soooo many emotions in her body and she just can't get them all out. She hits and screams and throws herself on the floor.

I know we have a parenting issue here that makes it worse. DH gives in the second she starts to fuss. Which means when I don't give in, she immediately starts screaming for him. She does much better with me if DH is not home because she knows there is only me. We still have tantrums but they are better. She does well with a very strict and busy routine.

And yes, it's exhausting. Some days I feel like a prisoner of war the way I flinch inside when know she's going to start having a meltdown.

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Old 01-02-2013, 08:02 PM   #9
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Re: Anyone else have a little one who acts like mine?

Thanks for the input, everyone. I will check out those books, for sure. A little bit discouraging to hear people saying it gets worse, but still nice to know I'm not the only one.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:45 PM   #10
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Re: Anyone else have a little one who acts like mine?

It gets worse in other ways though. Thinking they know everything, doing what they want when they want.

Ignore leave the room if you can when he has a tantrum. I know hard if you are out shopping and a tantrum starts.. I know. I had experience with that.

Mine was kind of the other end but has since started stealing small things like candy to things that aren't hers (yes from stores too), lying (like if she made her bed when she didn't) , will scream at me for just asking her to help out-as I'm alone at nights with 2 kids right now and soon 3, if I have to repeat myself for help or other things she screams at me and says I know or something depending on what it is especially if I was looking for an answer.

This year she is in girl scouts and loving it but some of the issues above make me wonder if we should keep going as obviously not part of girl scouts but anyway she was given a sleeping bag of her very own and just said grumpily "Oh is that all?" frowning....

1. these grandparents are on mainly one income and a little more I think and have 8 other grandkids from just one daughter, 1 from another, my 2 and 2 on the way
2. we don't have a big house to keep a lot
3. my mom gets a lot as my kids are the only ones on my side
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