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Old 01-05-2013, 12:26 PM   #11
daydreamr22
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Re: How to minimalize with your s/o's mess

It is so frustrating! I used to have everything fairly well organized and knew where most of my things were. That all changed when we got together. Things get shuffled around. Important papers, baby's things, my things. When I try to throw things out (my own belongingings even) he takes them out of the trash!!! One time I threw out a dress that was in a bag of clothes someone gave us. I found it hanging on the back of a chair a few hours later. Needless to say, it took 4 attemps to toss it before it stayed in the trash!!!!

We have gotten into some (discussions) over the clutter. And some times I get so annoyed because he will leave empty soda cans, food containers on the counter or empty mlk jug instead of throwing it out. Or leave the empty coffee container in the cupborard behind the new coffee can! Sometimes I get so discouaged. I liked the one suggestion about throwing out a few items here and there (on trash day and hide it well in themiddle of the bag of trash). This idea will really help me! This is the year I am going to try very hard to get it all under control.

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Old 01-05-2013, 01:52 PM   #12
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Re: How to minimalize with your s/o's mess

I'm not married to a hoarder, but I'm also not married to a minimalist! My husband has a lot of little "knick knacks" and paper clutter. Honestly, the only 2 solutions I've found are 1). Be an example and an inspiration - he's gotten so much better in the past 8 years having been married to me - if I keep surfaces clean and free of clutter, he's much more likely to pick up the "thing" he leaves on the coffee table....does that make sense? and 2). to give him his own space...he has an office and his own bathroom off of the garage which attaches to the house...nothing fancy, but it's "his space" where he can keep his knick knacks and clutter out of our main living space, and out of sight...it's a small room, and so the deal is his "stuff" can't accumulate outside of it. It's kind of funny, actually...lately he's been trying to organize his clutter, and I'll go in there biting my tongue just WANTING to say "you can't organize clutter, you can only get rid of it!" but I've learned to bite my tongue, and just try to appreciate the fact that he's trying! I think I read on FlyLady once a story about a woman who was such a perfectionist that she yelled at her husband for not folding the towels the "right way"...I don't want to be that person! I want to be grateful I have a husband who is willing to fold towels at all, you know?
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Old 01-05-2013, 02:50 PM   #13
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Re: How to minimalize with your s/o's mess

My husband is similar- I started a "box" if he leaves it on the counter for more than a week it goes in the "box" every couple of months I try and remind him to go through it and clear it out. He hates clutter and "piles" in the house, yet there has been a pile outside his office door next to my bookshelf that has been there since he re-did his office last Christmas. I made him boxes with lids to organize all of his paperwork, and we have re-done things to organize his computer parts several times... yet it still gets crazy. His bathroom counter drives me NUTS!

Currently it contains:
* Sonic Care toothbrush (ok this makes sense)
* Ziplock bag containing a solar blanket he used at Tough Mudder in October
* receipts
* sticky notes and papers with phone numbers
* a few items from his Christmas stocking
* empty hair product containers that he "saves" to hold things (I think there is a bag of another 8-10 under the sink)
* plastic things that go into shirt collars
* batteries- not sure if good?
* gum
* a shirt
* a few misc. computer parts

Now I am not perfect in my "lack of clutter piles" my kitchen counter contains a couple at the moment BUT I don't leave them there for weeks/months/years!

Usually end up cleaning and again stashing the items so I can find them if by chance he really did need it.

Every so often he will get in a cleaning mode and take care of things, but that only happens 3-5 times a year, and not every space gets taken care of.

The thing that bugs me the most is he really does hate piles and clutter- yet he can't seem to stop creating them- his dad was a boarderline hoarder so he grew up with stuff everywhere, and hates it. He loves "empty space". Someday his love of it will connect with his actions!

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Old 01-05-2013, 06:07 PM   #14
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Re: How to minimalize with your s/o's mess

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Originally Posted by daydreamr22 View Post
It is so frustrating! I used to have everything fairly well organized and knew where most of my things were. That all changed when we got together. Things get shuffled around. Important papers, baby's things, my things. When I try to throw things out (my own belongingings even) he takes them out of the trash!!! One time I threw out a dress that was in a bag of clothes someone gave us. I found it hanging on the back of a chair a few hours later. Needless to say, it took 4 attemps to toss it before it stayed in the trash!!!!

We have gotten into some (discussions) over the clutter. And some times I get so annoyed because he will leave empty soda cans, food containers on the counter or empty mlk jug instead of throwing it out. Or leave the empty coffee container in the cupborard behind the new coffee can! Sometimes I get so discouaged. I liked the one suggestion about throwing out a few items here and there (on trash day and hide it well in themiddle of the bag of trash). This idea will really help me! This is the year I am going to try very hard to get it all under control.
Are we married to the same man? It irritates me to no end that I can't even put out a bag of trash (not actual garbage, but accumulated junk we don't need) without him going through it all over again and pull out 4-5 things.
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Old 01-06-2013, 10:45 AM   #15
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Re: How to minimalize with your s/o's mess

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Originally Posted by kbstanley3 View Post
Are we married to the same man? It irritates me to no end that I can't even put out a bag of trash (not actual garbage, but accumulated junk we don't need) without him going through it all over again and pull out 4-5 things.
Same problem here. I feel for you!
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Old 01-06-2013, 04:26 PM   #16
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Re: How to minimalize with your s/o's mess

The best thing is to keep the rest of the house clean and decluttered. As a PP said, if the coffee table is clear then he's much more likely to take his glass to the dishwasher. If there are piles, he's just going to add to them.
My DH has a basket on the counter near the door to the garage and a nightstand. The garage is also 'his'. He does go through things in the basket.
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Old 01-08-2013, 12:45 AM   #17
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Re: How to minimalize with your s/o's mess

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Dh has a closet thats his to store stuff. If i find stuff laying around continually, i gather it all up and dump it on his pillow. Childish, yes, but it works!
That is Brilliant! I love it!
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Old 01-08-2013, 05:04 AM   #18
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Re: How to minimalize with your s/o's mess

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Dh has a closet thats his to store stuff. If i find stuff laying around continually, i gather it all up and dump it on his pillow. Childish, yes, but it works!
LOL I do this too! And it does not bother DH at all... he understands that I "see" the clutter and he just... does not
I also have the advantage of having several days a week where I am home without him. I use that time to purge whatever mess I find - most of the time it's little piles of crud that he brings home in his pockets, and never, evern notices that it's gone.
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Old 01-08-2013, 07:03 PM   #19
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Re: How to minimalize with your s/o's mess

I throw his crap out while he is at work and never tell him about it. If he asked where it went I say I don't know and he should do better about putting his stuff where it belongs/cleaning up after himself. It's the only way I can get rid of anything. It's probably not the best thing, but it works at my house. I actually do this to my mom too, but she catches me more often.
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Old 01-10-2013, 11:35 PM   #20
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Re: How to minimalize with your s/o's mess

I move the item that is not used to the garage. If he doesn't ask for it in a few months, I then put it in the thrift store pile for a month or so. It is usually gone in 6 months and he never says a word. He knows!
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