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Old 01-24-2013, 10:38 AM   #111
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

Alright, I have a free minute to sit here as baby is sleeping and the other three are at grandpas. So I am finally going to post this.

As far as our little one goes, we have three more months in the six month waiting period before we can have a court hearing to finalize. I found a lawyer with a good recommendation who will do it for $500. She said since it takes a month to get a court date she can file it at five months which will be March 10th. So we have one more visit with the agency social worker at five months, and then she can send the file to the lawyer. We are also being required to attend a two day adoption training which is in a couple weeks here. It is a requirement for all families completing their home study through this agency. Although it seems sort of silly since some of it is obviously irrelevant in our case, being an identified adoption with baby already here and having adopted previously and had on open adoption for four years already. It's just a pain because dh has to take off work and the kids have to go somewhere for two whole days. The baby does not take a bottle so I am anxious to leave her. I will be able to nurse her once over the lunch break. I know lots of babies go to daycare every day at six months old, but we are just not used to it. We'll just have to deal for those two days.

As far as the visits with BM at this point. We really thought hard about things after we learned she was still using. But, truly what it always comes back to is the fact that the reason we do this is because we believe it is the best thing for our children to know her. It's not for her, or her children, or us. And her bad choices do not change that. If it was dangerous, unsafe, emotionally difficult for the kids, etc. that would make a difference. But, since she's using for the last four years it doesn't really make sense to change things now because we know. Other than that we will only do visits now in public places, not go to her house, etc. However, we offered to visit around Thanksgiving and then Christmas but it didn't work out for her so we still haven't seen her since baby left the hospital. I am hoping we will soon though because my four year old has asked about why we never see them anymore.

Anyway, here are some pics. I've been meaning to post for three months since BM finally signed in October.



And here's the pic next to those on my camera just because he's so cute! here's big brother that had to share his milk:


And here's the girls with their dollies in their carriers

and little mister with his monkey in his "pack pack"


and their Christmas pic


Gosh I should look at the pics on my camera more than once every six months This is fun. Now I am gonna have to get down to it and get all my pics transferred to the computer, and printed, and in albums... I have been meaning to make an album for their BM anyway. Maybe next week when they go to grandpa's again.
(I will take the pics back down soon..)

eta: hmm.. I really did rotate those photos in photobucket so not sure why they are sideways. sorry

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Old 01-24-2013, 02:18 PM   #112
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

Well like is crazy here and I barely get a second to actually write. I shaved my legs and plucked my eyebrows for the first time since X-man and little man came to us. Now I wanted to write that i am reading about all that is going on with all of you and thinking of you. I pray that things get better for those struggling so much at the moment. I have to go because X-man is at it again but I hope the coming days and week are better for everyone!!!
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:49 PM   #113
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

Loved catching up on these posts. So sorry to hear about everyone's troubles.

We are still in the process. We'd appreciate prayers from you praying folks for a smooth process. There have been bumps and hiccups along the way but God has been good to us. We might be traveling to Ug@nda in the Spring sometime. I wish I could share more but all of this is so public
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Old 01-25-2013, 06:32 AM   #114
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

Sunnymommy - you have a beautiful family! Glad you are so close to finalizing.

Mmbreb- glad there is a plan with Xman and you are feeling better about things.

Heidi- so ready for you to post a pic of T and say he is finally adopted!!!!

FindingMercy - lifting your situation up in prayer and believing that Abraham is staying with you. Trusting God that He will work out situation with Biodad in a way that is positive. Just like God was with Abraham in the desert. He is with your Abraham.

Wynnebabies - believing with you too that your little girl stays. So sorry the case is crazy. Fostering to adopt is so hard!

AFM - things are the same yet everything seems to have hit at once. We are still trying to figure things out with C. Since removing gluten from his diet we are seeing some positive changes. Nothing earth shattering but I will take what I can get. We go to neurology in Feb but not sure we will get answers. He has such severe SPD that it is hard to figure out what the underlying factor if any there is. Autism has been what keeps coming up but there are things about it that doesn't fit. This could also be effect from alcohol exposure but not sure if that is a good fit either. We are bringing in 1-2 more therapist and going to try and do all aspects of therapy while giving him sensory input. I don't know if any of it makes since basically he has to move or be touching stuff constantly and he is becoming more and more developmentally delayed. Our day consist of hours of sensory therapy to keep him from being in constant meltdown mode but even with hours of compressions, weghted vest, swinging, spinning, bouncing,etc which is exhausting it is still not enough to get him to focus or talk.

With Hope, the thought is she has some underlying Neurological condition. So while she needs ongoing therapy they have all hit a place where they are saying that is neuro we can't really fix it just work with it. Everyone is thinking CP which I have wondered about since she was very little. She is very jerky in movements even when at rest. One side seems to work different than other and she seems to not be able to motor plan and control movements. Her eating is still very bad even with tons if oral motor therapy. She still can't suck and has very random tongue movements and lots of drooling. I spoke with her CW yesterday we both wonder how this will effect her aunts decision. Her aunt keeps on seeing if she really needs therapy and when it will stop NOW that answer seems like never. I am being a mama bear right now and feeling angry that Hope is 10 months now and they want her but have yet to come meet her. She can't handle at all bring on an unfamiliar setting which they have been told and they expect us to fly her down and leave her. Just needed to vent. I am supporting this but not feeling do good about it this week.

With NB, I talked to an attorney who is willing to fight for benefits based on the other siblings and slow the adoption down. We don't want to finalize before he is a year bc we are pretty sure bmom is pregnant. DCS is trying to push adoption through and close case so the sibling cases aren't connected. They have done it with all of them bc it saves money BUT it risks them being seperated. The attorney was confident that all this would work out. So I am feeling good about that.

Sorry for the long post just have a lot on my mind right now.
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Old 01-25-2013, 08:09 AM   #115
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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Originally Posted by dalynn1997 View Post
FindingMercy - lifting your situation up in prayer and believing that Abraham is staying with you. Trusting God that He will work out situation with Biodad in a way that is positive. Just like God was with Abraham in the desert. He is with your Abraham.

AFM - things are the same yet everything seems to have hit at once. We are still trying to figure things out with C. Since removing gluten from his diet we are seeing some positive changes. Nothing earth shattering but I will take what I can get. We go to neurology in Feb but not sure we will get answers. He has such severe SPD that it is hard to figure out what the underlying factor if any there is. Autism has been what keeps coming up but there are things about it that doesn't fit. This could also be effect from alcohol exposure but not sure if that is a good fit either. We are bringing in 1-2 more therapist and going to try and do all aspects of therapy while giving him sensory input. I don't know if any of it makes since basically he has to move or be touching stuff constantly and he is becoming more and more developmentally delayed. Our day consist of hours of sensory therapy to keep him from being in constant meltdown mode but even with hours of compressions, weghted vest, swinging, spinning, bouncing,etc which is exhausting it is still not enough to get him to focus or talk.

With Hope, the thought is she has some underlying Neurological condition. So while she needs ongoing therapy they have all hit a place where they are saying that is neuro we can't really fix it just work with it. Everyone is thinking CP which I have wondered about since she was very little. She is very jerky in movements even when at rest. One side seems to work different than other and she seems to not be able to motor plan and control movements. Her eating is still very bad even with tons if oral motor therapy. She still can't suck and has very random tongue movements and lots of drooling. I spoke with her CW yesterday we both wonder how this will effect her aunts decision. Her aunt keeps on seeing if she really needs therapy and when it will stop NOW that answer seems like never. I am being a mama bear right now and feeling angry that Hope is 10 months now and they want her but have yet to come meet her. She can't handle at all bring on an unfamiliar setting which they have been told and they expect us to fly her down and leave her. Just needed to vent. I am supporting this but not feeling do good about it this week.

With NB, I talked to an attorney who is willing to fight for benefits based on the other siblings and slow the adoption down. We don't want to finalize before he is a year bc we are pretty sure bmom is pregnant. DCS is trying to push adoption through and close case so the sibling cases aren't connected. They have done it with all of them bc it saves money BUT it risks them being seperated. The attorney was confident that all this would work out. So I am feeling good about that.

Sorry for the long post just have a lot on my mind right now.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It's been a long, hard week. I told DH that I want to just relax with him tonight and not talk at all about what's going on. My mind needs a break from it. I'm physically and emotionally worn out.

Your days sound exhausting! I can't imagine. And how frustrating with Hope's family. You would think if they truly wanted her they would be down to see her as often as possible. I wonder if they are getting scared about her special needs. Thinking perhaps they will take her once she's "fixed".
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Old 01-25-2013, 01:43 PM   #116
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Omg. Like...everyone. Stuff is hitting the fan everywhere!
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Old 01-26-2013, 10:58 PM   #117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FindingMercy View Post
The conference call is today. I'm nervous. Biodad is not a healthy or stable individual and he is being encouraged by his mom and sister to fight this and push for money. Not sure why he thinks he's owed anything. Most of you have dealt with bios who are under the influence of a variety of substances, so you understand that we are not dealing with regular reasoning abilities here.

If he decides to legally contest the adoption there's a good chance Abraham would have to go into foster care until it's settled. That makes me want to vomit.

He's doing well on his amino acid formula. For the first time he's willing to take a bigger bottle at a time without arching his back and screaming halfway through.
Im glad his formula seems to be helping! My great just dropped when I read that A could be put in foster care. That makes no sense to me. Why does bdad think he well get money? I'm assuming you didn't purchase that child on consignment. I dont understand why he thinks he would get money? Very sad if he really was lied to though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Msheidiann View Post
A little progress on our front...the judge signed the order to terminate on the 8th and "notice of entry" was done friday the 18th. So, now we wait to see how long our appeal period will be.

We are also having to update our CPR/first aid, and complete our yearly training hours. Double

We were ready to let our license expire! Oh well...
Yay for progress!

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Originally Posted by RN83 View Post
Hi Ladies,

I'm new around here and just wanted to say hello. I have yet to find a good group of mamas to connect with who are going through fostercare/adoption, so I'm happy to find this site!

DH and I have been going trough fertility treatment for 2 years now, including 2 IVF cycles. We have decided to continue to pursue treatment, but also go for a fostercare/adoptive placement. DH is a social worker for child protective services, so we will feel very strongly about giving children a good home.

I found this site because I finally convince DH to use cloth diapers, which is a huge success! We're starting to build our stash, so here I am. We currently have all of our paperwork in to the state, and are now just waiting for our homestudy.

Hello again to everyone, and I look forward to hearing your stories!

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum
Welcome! We are foster/adopt as well! Its a wild ride for sure!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnymommy View Post
Alright, I have a free minute to sit here as baby is sleeping and the other three are at grandpas. So I am finally going to post this.

As far as our little one goes, we have three more months in the six month waiting period before we can have a court hearing to finalize. I found a lawyer with a good recommendation who will do it for $500. She said since it takes a month to get a court date she can file it at five months which will be March 10th. So we have one more visit with the agency social worker at five months, and then she can send the file to the lawyer. We are also being required to attend a two day adoption training which is in a couple weeks here. It is a requirement for all families completing their home study through this agency. Although it seems sort of silly since some of it is obviously irrelevant in our case, being an identified adoption with baby already here and having adopted previously and had on open adoption for four years already. It's just a pain because dh has to take off work and the kids have to go somewhere for two whole days. The baby does not take a bottle so I am anxious to leave her. I will be able to nurse her once over the lunch break. I know lots of babies go to daycare every day at six months old, but we are just not used to it. We'll just have to deal for those two days.

As far as the visits with BM at this point. We really thought hard about things after we learned she was still using. But, truly what it always comes back to is the fact that the reason we do this is because we believe it is the best thing for our children to know her. It's not for her, or her children, or us. And her bad choices do not change that. If it was dangerous, unsafe, emotionally difficult for the kids, etc. that would make a difference. But, since she's using for the last four years it doesn't really make sense to change things now because we know. Other than that we will only do visits now in public places, not go to her house, etc. However, we offered to visit around Thanksgiving and then Christmas but it didn't work out for her so we still haven't seen her since baby left the hospital. I am hoping we will soon though because my four year old has asked about why we never see them anymore.

Anyway, here are some pics. I've been meaning to post for three months since BM finally signed in October.

And here's the pic next to those on my camera just because he's so cute! here's big brother that had to share his milk:

And here's the girls with their dollies in their carriers

and little mister with his monkey in his "pack pack"

and their Christmas pic

Gosh I should look at the pics on my camera more than once every six months This is fun. Now I am gonna have to get down to it and get all my pics transferred to the computer, and printed, and in albums... I have been meaning to make an album for their BM anyway. Maybe next week when they go to grandpa's again.
(I will take the pics back down soon..)

eta: hmm.. I really did rotate those photos in photobucket so not sure why they are sideways. sorry
Adorable kiddos! How old is your oldest? I love how bio and adopted are mixed together. Harder for people to keep track of which is which that way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sparkly_vagabond View Post
Loved catching up on these posts. So sorry to hear about everyone's troubles.

We are still in the process. We'd appreciate prayers from you praying folks for a smooth process. There have been bumps and hiccups along the way but God has been good to us. We might be traveling to Ug@nda in the Spring sometime. I wish I could share more but all of this is so public
Sounds exiting! I was thinking if you the other day. Didn't you guys get an earthquake?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dalynn1997 View Post
Sunnymommy - you have a beautiful family! Glad you are so close to finalizing.

Mmbreb- glad there is a plan with Xman and you are feeling better about things.

Heidi- so ready for you to post a pic of T and say he is finally adopted!!!!

FindingMercy - lifting your situation up in prayer and believing that Abraham is staying with you. Trusting God that He will work out situation with Biodad in a way that is positive. Just like God was with Abraham in the desert. He is with your Abraham.

Wynnebabies - believing with you too that your little girl stays. So sorry the case is crazy. Fostering to adopt is so hard!

AFM - things are the same yet everything seems to have hit at once. We are still trying to figure things out with C. Since removing gluten from his diet we are seeing some positive changes. Nothing earth shattering but I will take what I can get. We go to neurology in Feb but not sure we will get answers. He has such severe SPD that it is hard to figure out what the underlying factor if any there is. Autism has been what keeps coming up but there are things about it that doesn't fit. This could also be effect from alcohol exposure but not sure if that is a good fit either. We are bringing in 1-2 more therapist and going to try and do all aspects of therapy while giving him sensory input. I don't know if any of it makes since basically he has to move or be touching stuff constantly and he is becoming more and more developmentally delayed. Our day consist of hours of sensory therapy to keep him from being in constant meltdown mode but even with hours of compressions, weghted vest, swinging, spinning, bouncing,etc which is exhausting it is still not enough to get him to focus or talk.

With Hope, the thought is she has some underlying Neurological condition. So while she needs ongoing therapy they have all hit a place where they are saying that is neuro we can't really fix it just work with it. Everyone is thinking CP which I have wondered about since she was very little. She is very jerky in movements even when at rest. One side seems to work different than other and she seems to not be able to motor plan and control movements. Her eating is still very bad even with tons if oral motor therapy. She still can't suck and has very random tongue movements and lots of drooling. I spoke with her CW yesterday we both wonder how this will effect her aunts decision. Her aunt keeps on seeing if she really needs therapy and when it will stop NOW that answer seems like never. I am being a mama bear right now and feeling angry that Hope is 10 months now and they want her but have yet to come meet her. She can't handle at all bring on an unfamiliar setting which they have been told and they expect us to fly her down and leave her. Just needed to vent. I am supporting this but not feeling do good about it this week.

With NB, I talked to an attorney who is willing to fight for benefits based on the other siblings and slow the adoption down. We don't want to finalize before he is a year bc we are pretty sure bmom is pregnant. DCS is trying to push adoption through and close case so the sibling cases aren't connected. They have done it with all of them bc it saves money BUT it risks them being seperated. The attorney was confident that all this would work out. So I am feeling good about that.

Sorry for the long post just have a lot on my mind right now.
The situation with hope sounds frustrating and I think from what you are describing she might end up with a cp diagnosis. No one wanted to diagnose dd until after she was a year old. It seems like with asl that going on the aunt might be a little out of touch with reality if she thinks its just going to go away.
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Old 01-28-2013, 05:24 AM   #118
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

Ingrid - thanks for commenting about Hope. I knew your daughter has a CP diagnosis and wondered what you thought. I think with Hope it is somewhat mild but my gut says it is the Ataxic type of CP. As she develops more you can see more and more that something just isn't quite right.

I sent the aunt a very direct and detailed email of Hope's issues. I was very direct in stating that she needed to make the effort to meet her. So we will see what happens. I CCd her caseworker and at this point if they continue to show no effort, I am going to begin advocating that she is not moved from our home, her doctors and therapist.
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Old 01-28-2013, 10:15 PM   #119
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Yeah for crying out loud shes almost a year old and not worth the trip? How long are they going to let this get drawn out?

My dd is still quite ataxic but she started some new meds that have been really helpful in controlling her movement mostly gross motor bit even with speech! Handwriting is such a challenge its really sad because she is so into it. she practices for hours. She will say "i can't write very good". My heart breaks. But...dont try to help her! She can do it just fine by herself! Lol! She is also affected differently on different sides, example get right shoulder and arm are tighter, higher tone and get left arm and hand are looser. She had more ataxia with the right than left as well, unless she is getting some sensory input. So she had figured out that righty is great for stabilizing and lefty is better fire fine motor activities. So she will hold on to the seat of the chair with righty (giving pressure so less shaking) while she eats with lefty because its easier to open and close lefty. We spent so long trying out different chairs and utensils and positions trying to make it easier for her to eat but turns out she is so great at identifying and solving her problems she does better if we just let get do her own thing. She usually only half sits in her chair when eating. Right cheek on the chair, left foot on the floor for stability. Leaves enough room in the chair for her to stabilize with her right hand lol! We would have never figured that would be the easiest way for her to eat! Is hope tube fed? That was or biggest hurdle until recently, shes just now at almost 5 able to eat most of her nutrition and not rely on the pediasure. We just do one carnation with whole milk a day now instead of 3-4/day pediasure. She was and still is a big drooler too. She is on meds for that too but if shes concentrating on something no amount if meds will help she is like a faucet! Its easier now that she is older we can work on behaviors to remind her to swallow too. You might find some controversy among the SLPs about whether or not oral motor simulation has any effect beyond a few minutes after the simulation has ended. I think newer research is showing that the brain is not connecting the stimulation ie nuk brush to actual instances where oral motor skill is needed like swallowing or chewing. Does that make sense? Amelia had seen 7 SPLs so we get everyones opinion. I dont know either way but i certainly dont think it hurts and with ones so young like hope you can't really do much behaviorally in terms of cueing and stuff.

Wow that got long! Anyway pm me if you have any questions.
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Old 01-30-2013, 08:40 AM   #120
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Well, it's almost the end of the month. Lets hope for a calmer February! We have another call with biodad this afternoon. Just us and him. We will see how this goes!
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