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Old 01-30-2013, 08:46 AM   #121
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

So confusing in our neck of the woods...We are STILL waiting to hear what our appeal period will be. I guess county council is waiting to hear from the judge on the matter. So, we wait...

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Old 01-30-2013, 09:27 AM   #122
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

FindingMercy, I will be thinking of you this afternoon. Can you record the phone call somehow to make sure there is no funny business? (I think to be legal you also have to tell him you are recording it.) I was thinking about his claim that he was told the baby died. Well, to make sense that would have had to be at some point after he was served papers to sign the first time.... Anyway, we've been praying for your family.

Dalynn, I am wondering if maybe Hope's aunt feels it's her duty to take her because she's family more than that she really wants her? Perhaps if she knew that you and dh would adopt her she would feel alright about that? It does sound like the special needs might be more than she is ready to deal with. Did you get any response yet to your email? I have been thinking of you and your son. Wow, it sounds exhausting. I have two with special needs/therapy etc and I thought that was a crazy ride but it doesn't sound close to what you are working on with your son. I was glad to read that your lawyer will push to slow the adoption for the baby to keep the case open for the sake of the next one... If Hope ends up staying with you forever and you get another bio sibling for your boys that would be a lot of little ones for you! It's quite the ride isn't it.
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Old 01-30-2013, 04:26 PM   #123
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

We got on the conference call at 5 til 4. At 4:15 we called biodad from a different number because he hadn't called in yet. He said, "oh yeah, can you call at 5 instead?". Sure, whatever. Called back at 5 - no answer. Called at 5:15 - no answer.

I think we are seeing some more glimpses of his true colors.
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Old 01-31-2013, 10:30 AM   #124
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Well that's good news for your case at least. :/

Confusing here too. At her last visit SW was certain the case was going to move from RU to concurrent at court in feb. Got an email a few weeks ago that the twins would be.coming into care do we want them. Aster much soul searching knowing what might be coming down the road we said yes now yesterday just in conversation the SW says that if the twins are born in 2 or 3 months (mom would have to be an elephant to gestate that long btw) the could be going home. That is completely opposite. We are getting bids from contractors for the attic. We were told SW has the order to take twins into care. Wth?!
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Old 01-31-2013, 03:20 PM   #125
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

FindingMercy - Sounds like he does not want a baby and does not want to deal with all this, but family/friend pressure has made him do what he has done. I pray this just fizzles for you.

I - What??? Your case is so odd to me. Doesn't sound like the circumstances of why she doesn't have J have changed. So she can take home and successfully parent twins??? Crazy. CWs seem to go back and forth all the time so I wouldn't count on getting them or not getting them until the day they're released from the hospital. Crappy, but unfortunately I've known a lot of foster parents where their current foster children's bios have another baby while they're still in care and bios get to take that baby home. Doesn't make much sense to me.

Dalynn - So sorry about baby Hope. I agree it sounds like this aunt doesn't really want her.

Nothing new here. Living the foster parent life where things seem to change daily. Waiting to see if TPR is filed in this coming month or they do a 6 month extension.
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Old 01-31-2013, 06:43 PM   #126
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

talk about changing daily. today the grandma that the SW has said several times is NOT a suitable option is now pursuing getting licensed to take the kids. i'm physically ill. why now when mom is about to pop with the twins? why has she just this past month been coming to visits? where was she for the past 8 months?! she didn't care about them until she found out about the twins maybe? permanency planning court date is in two weeks im sure that has something to do with it. i can't believe how things can change so drastically so quickly.

eta i can't talk to my family they keep telling me essentially "i told you so" that it would be hard on us emotionally. because thats so helpful. i'm literally nauseous at the thought of J leaving. not to mention we JUST bought cribs monday. we were supposed to be picking up car seats tomorrow. Im so upset.
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Old 01-31-2013, 07:54 PM   #127
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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talk about changing daily. today the grandma that the SW has said several times is NOT a suitable option is now pursuing getting licensed to take the kids. i'm physically ill. why now when mom is about to pop with the twins? why has she just this past month been coming to visits? where was she for the past 8 months?! she didn't care about them until she found out about the twins maybe? permanency planning court date is in two weeks im sure that has something to do with it. i can't believe how things can change so drastically so quickly.

eta i can't talk to my family they keep telling me essentially "i told you so" that it would be hard on us emotionally. because thats so helpful. i'm literally nauseous at the thought of J leaving. not to mention we JUST bought cribs monday. we were supposed to be picking up car seats tomorrow. Im so upset.
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:07 PM   #128
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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talk about changing daily. today the grandma that the SW has said several times is NOT a suitable option is now pursuing getting licensed to take the kids. i'm physically ill. why now when mom is about to pop with the twins? why has she just this past month been coming to visits? where was she for the past 8 months?! she didn't care about them until she found out about the twins maybe? permanency planning court date is in two weeks im sure that has something to do with it. i can't believe how things can change so drastically so quickly.

eta i can't talk to my family they keep telling me essentially "i told you so" that it would be hard on us emotionally. because thats so helpful. i'm literally nauseous at the thought of J leaving. not to mention we JUST bought cribs monday. we were supposed to be picking up car seats tomorrow. Im so upset.
Ingrid - Sorry everything is up in the air BUT nothing has really changed until it is official. SW tend to either be ones that underinform and don't share info or ones that tell you everything. I think you have a SW that is trying to keep you informed BUT is maybe sharing info before anything really happens. Did the SW tell you how they found out Gma is trying to get licensed? It could be anything from Gma officially beginning the license process to Gma casually saying to SW that I am going to get licensed. Here they would have ran a background check early on to see if Gma was appropriate unless Gma has never came forward. I think that in trying to keep you informed the SW may be sharing info inappropriately and adding to the emotional rollercoaster that foster care is. That is just my opinion. But try not to get to upset until there is an actual change. SW should have said to you that they were checking to see if Gma could be an appropriate home and they would let you know when they knew more.

Here DCS cannot preplan to take a baby that is unborn. The baby is not considered party to the case of their sibling in care. The parent is given a chance to parent (kinda). They wait to see if staff at the hospital file a report like if baby is born with exposure issues or parent appears unable to care for baby. Then they can add baby to existing case. If baby gets to go home with parent then DCS can investigate their home and situation to see if anything is changed. Usually if older child can't RU then they will remove and add baby to case. So here even if a baby is due and foster parent is willing to take the new sibling it is always a wait and see if the baby comes into care. so SW may ask the foster parent is they are willing just never official placement until after baby is born and removed.

Dont know if this helps or not. Just trying to encourage you if I can. Know one who doesn't foster can really understand what you are going through. Most don't understand why you would willing sign up for such an emotional rollercoaster.

P.S. Thanks for the update on your daughter and what her life is like living with CP. It helps give me a better idea of what our future may be like if Hope stays. It is a little overwhelming facing her getting a CP diagnosis and C getting an autism diagnosis ... just a lot going on at one time.
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:31 PM   #129
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

Today was kind of a bittersweet today. There was court for Hope and it was her Permanency Hearing. I had spoke to both her GAL and CW prior so they knew where we stand. Yes, we still want to adopt her if she needs a forever home BUT we will continue to support ICPC and the possibility of her moving to family. I never had a response from the email that I sent her aunt. But the GAL and CW have a copy and had the email added to her case file for the judge to read. I actually had them submit all email correspondence.

Well, the judge decided to change her plan to adoption and procede with TPR. Here they won't change plan to adoption unless the child is already in their pre-adoptive home. So they are proceeding with the case like she isn't leaving and yet legally they still have to pursue the ICPC. So it is weird. The judge asked how long she had been with us and was told since birth so she isn't really thrilled with the idea of disrupting the placement. She also wasn't happy to find out that the family had never made the effort to meet her. Legally the family has to be given the opportunity to get her.

The CW spent a couple hours at my home today after court. If the family passes the homestudy process and it is recommended to pursue moving her, I will get to be part of the planning process. Basically, the GAL, CW and I will sit down and come up with a transition plan then the judge will place a court order for certain things to take place like visitation prior. So we will see what happens. At this point, no one on the case wants her removed from our home. CW says the judge was ticked off enough today that she almost thought she was going to throw out the ICPC. Basically, the family has about 90 days to change everyones minds.

On a good note, Caleb is responding very well to the GF/CF diet. He is going to be evaluated by a psychologist to see if he is on the autism spectrum in the next few months. Just grateful right now because his days are starting to have a closer resemblence to a typical 2 1/2 year olds days.

And whoever said that if we get to keep Hope and get another sibling in the spring that we are on a crazy wild ride is absolutely right. If all that happens we will have gotten 4 kiddos in less than 3 years that became forevers .... now that would be nuts.

P.S. Sunnymommy - The aunt does know that we were planning on adopting Hope and she also knows that Hopes mom asked me to keep her forever and made it very clear that she did not want her to go to family out of state and she wanted her to stay with us. Unfortuately Hopes mom has mental health issues so her wishes can not legally be enforced.

It is a sad situation. The family has lost Hopes mom and feel like Hope is a piece of her. They don't want to lose Hope too. I understand that and I guess it is why I am trying to support this. I just need them to show interest in Hope and her needs.
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Old 01-31-2013, 09:29 PM   #130
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

thanks for the support ladies. no one gets it. my husband talked me down a little, i'm feeling much better. trying to stay zen about it. i have no choice in the matter, everything happens for a reason, we are doing a good thing for the family and for J now even if he leaves our job will have been done. its not about ME!

the SW is very careful to NEVER use an absolute statement. its always maybe, possibly, could be etc. which of course is as it is in foster care. i told her i want to be in the loop but i think it is hard to not know. it would be harsh to just get a call that he was going to get picked up out of the blue too though. she said that grandma is just pursuing the license not that she has been approved but actually that she may not be approved. she also said "as of today as i write this email we have no plans to move the children" but that kind of means like well tomorrow we could give you a call and pick him up and thats that. it happened with our last placement she was gone in an hour.

she has previously said that grandmas home is not an option and now she is allowing her to pursue a license. so something must have changed. i know they are super lenient with family. i don't know what to think. i fought so hard to develop a bond with this kiddo. i've made plans in my head for what our family will look like this summer and next year...dangerous business.

dalynn i really can't imagine how you must feel being supportive of this aunt! you are a better person than me thats for sure. i am selfish, i want to keep J even if i know that he would be better with his family, if its safe with grandma which is a big if. i would feel much better about them going back to his mom. dad is a violent criminal and i worry about what happens when he gets out of jail, i'm assuming he's going to go back to his moms house.

i'm so glad caleb is doing well with GF/CF diet! when i was doing autism therapy one of my parents did GF/CF with her kiddo and everyone thought she was loony toons and now we are hearing so much about the benefits! she was just ahead of her time i guess! that is a really tough age anyway, to have to deal with additional issues must be very challenging. you have my utmost respect!
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