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Old 01-14-2013, 06:07 PM   #51
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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Quick random update on us. We were terminating birthdads rights this month when birthmom drops the bomb that he's not the birthdad! Gah! She claims 1 night stand now. So much for finalizing this month or next.
WHATTTTTT!!!! Oh my gosh... I am so sorry!! PM me if you need to vent...we're used to the unknown birth father bit.

hang in there!!! Sending love and prayers.

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Old 01-14-2013, 09:03 PM   #52
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WHATTTTTT!!!! Oh my gosh... I am so sorry!! PM me if you need to vent...we're used to the unknown birth father bit.

hang in there!!! Sending love and prayers.
Thank you.

The worst part is that I think she's making it up. Biodad is bothering her and she wants him out if her life and to have no part in this adoption, so she's claiming Abe's not his thinking that will make him disappear. Problem is ah already signed paperwork saying he is, so we still have to terminate on him and now this mystery man who I don't even think exists.

My DH is talking to her tonight. Maybe he can make sense of it all.
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:41 PM   #53
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

oh goodness...I wish you didn't have to deal with the drama! The tactics some people use. I just wish some of them knew how it affects the actual legal part of the adoption. :0(

I am sorry you are going through this. No DNA test was done? I know it's different in private adoption, but just curious.

Big hugs!!!
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Old 01-14-2013, 10:11 PM   #54
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And new mommy...YAY!! I don't want to skip over the excitement of that with our current drama.
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Old 01-15-2013, 09:50 AM   #55
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I hope your dh can figure something out!

I'm freaking out. Now I have a migraine today and I barely made it to the van before barfing after dropping A at school. I almost threw up on her classmates father. Thank god this isn't happening every day anymore but I dont know how I will function like this with the babies. Thankfully I'm only like this for a day at a time usually now.
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Old 01-15-2013, 10:49 AM   #56
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

So we've gotten to the bottom of all this. I'll probably delete the details out of this in a few days.

Biodad was told 6 months ago about Abraham's birth and was served papers. He didn't sign and chose to leave the state instead. We waited 6 months so that Abraham would be considered legally abandoned. We then served him again to give him a chance to sign and save us the hassle of terminating his rights. He's pissed. He's been blowing up biomoms phone be calling and texting saying awful, awful, hateful things. Telling her she's a horrible person, that God hates her for giving away her baby, that this will haunt him forever, all filled with quite colorful language (she's forwarded the communication to me). Her kneejerk reaction was to say, "he's not the father!" She just wants him out of the story and to leave her alone. Someone is serving papers to biodads house today to try to get him to sign and get this whole thing done and over with. But now, biodad's mom has learned of Abraham and is really not happy about the adoption. She's saying she wants him. She doesn't really have a legal leg to stand on, but it could really draw this whole thing out and make things messy.

We are all just praying that he signs today. But, biodad's mom doesn't work, so she will likely be there today and who knows what kind of influence she will have over his decision making.

All the while, Abraham's scope results came back with strong signs of allergy. So we are doing a 3-5 day trial on hypo-allergenic formula to see what that does for him. You can imagine how thrilled he is to give up breastmilk for awful tasting formula (not that formula is awful, this stuff just smells horrible, I can only imagine how it tastes).
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:17 AM   #57
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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All the while, Abraham's scope results came back with strong signs of allergy. So we are doing a 3-5 day trial on hypo-allergenic formula to see what that does for him. You can imagine how thrilled he is to give up breastmilk for awful tasting formula (not that formula is awful, this stuff just smells horrible, I can only imagine how it tastes).
It does taste horrible ... and smells even worse. My DD will only drink her Elecare from a bottle. If she tries to drink it from a cup, she gags/vomits.

Good luck on the other stuff. I hope he just signs and then you can be done.
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Old 01-15-2013, 02:01 PM   #58
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

FindingMercy - How stressful! I hope you can get through this. I feel so sorry for birth mom too. She's trying to do the right thing and getting total crap from everyone for it.

I - So sorry on the migraine. I hope they continue to stay less frequent and ideally disappear! Sooo glad J is doing so much better! I'm excited for you about the twins too. Does she know the sexes? I picture girl/boy twins for some reason. GL with finding a bigger house too.
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Old 01-15-2013, 02:25 PM   #59
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. I have found all these people on FB and nothing is private. It's so bad I can't look at their pages anymore. Bio mom is mentally ill no doubt. Very sad.
It's amazing the things you can find out with Facebook. We just found biodad on there last night. It was...enlightening. The only plus side of it really was that we were able to save a couple pics of him off of there for Abraham to have when he's older if he wants them.
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Old 01-15-2013, 04:54 PM   #60
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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Hang in there. Just be absolutely clear on the boundaries (we don't grab, push, etc.) and consistent Every Single Time Forever (or at least what feels like forever when you are saying the same thing every single second over and over). You likely have to keep him in your sight ALL the time for awhile until he settles down. Just have him help you with whatever you are doing. And don't plan on getting much of anything done for a few days. You can do this
Yes thankfully I am good at the consistency but it feels like he is in time out or sitting on his bed half the day. we do Time Out (4 min on the bench) first and if he is still completely out of control he takes some time to sit on his bed and chill out. Keeping him in my sight is important but with the two little it can be harder than it sounds. Especially because my LO is potty training and we spend a lot of time doing the potty thing.

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i know you probably don't want to at all, but he might be really craving tons of one on one attention. when my dd is at her most out of control, making me crazy and doing things she knows is wrong at every turn i know its when she needs some mommy time. obviously i don't reward her with attention at the time she is misbehaving but those days i know cleaning or laundry or whatever it is can wait while i give her attention she is craving, otherwise she will continue to get into trouble to get that attention. any attention is good when a kiddo is feeling starved of it.

hugs! i think it won't last forever. also about the sleeping together stuff...i realized tonight that my dfs might be WANTING dd to be in the room. i just gave up waiting for him to fall asleep before putting dd in the room and he stopped his singing and shrieking and went right to sleep after she was in there! they are really bonding well i think. well, about half the time they want to steal toys and beat each other up and the other half they are playing catch and rolling a car back and forth and following each other around...so...normalish? lol
I am trying to be postivie with him and give him lots of attention. It can be hard at time because we are busy a lot of the time. I am not a fan of three day a week visits. I know it is important for them but it sure makes a mess of my week. (I know some of you mamas have it much harder but it is an adjustment for us homebodies over here!)

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They are 7 months. They ended up going to a home that could take their 14 yr old brother,too. The agency said we would have a placement over the weekend, but we still don't. I gotta say - I was freaking out because we were supposed to only be taking boys, so I would need girl clothes, another baby bed, another stroller,etc,etc. LOL


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i am freaking out pretty much. we officially got asked to take the twins when they are born. we need 2 new cribs and a car seat, i really want to get 2 new ones because the one we have doesn't fit well in our van and the passenger seat will have to be pushed way up. well whatever if thats the worst of our worries i will be happy! i am praying like crazy these babies are born healthy. i've been rearranging our schedule a little to condense things so my dh will be available to help drop off dd at her activities and school and things and the SW seems like she will be very accommodating for visits so if they are born healthy and strong we have a chance of making it through without me losing my mind. what a blessing my dfs has turned out to be. he continues to make progress with his weird behaviors, he is talking like CRAZY so learning that he doesnt need to scream all the time. him and my dd are such great pals. we just went out of town to visit with his family for our christmas celebration and they went crazy for J, welcomed him with open arms and omg the presents...we need to downsize the toys considerably lol! i am feeling frazzled but having so much fun with him and really praying for the health of these babies because i don't want to take on more than we can handle. that would be the worse.

eta forgot to mention the housing situation. we were putting our feelers out about potentially renting out our house and renting or buying a bigger house or finishing some rooms and a bathroom into our attic. my dh needs someplace to sleep, its too noisy with 2 kids, a dog, a cat and a clutzy wife lol! but now with the twins due so soon we are looking at moving up the timetable of this decision. met with a realtor last friday and we are still trying to decide what makes the most sense for us balancing out our long and short term needs. yikes!

You are a brave woman! I feel like I am nuts with these three


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Quick random update on us. We were terminating birthdads rights this month when birthmom drops the bomb that he's not the birthdad! Gah! She claims 1 night stand now. So much for finalizing this month or next.
I am so sorry mama!!!


AFM: Things are still pretty hard with X-Man. Every night time and nap time is a battle. I always lay both boys down together but the rule is if X-man screams or gets out of bed I take Little-man out. (It makes Little-man freak out when X-man does these things) Well almost ever night/nap time we go through the routine and than X-man cries for Little man. If he still can't be quiet I shut the door. (He has a night light and his screaming disrupts little man and my DS.) Usually this works out to be 10-20 minutes of X-man having a fit after I remove Little man and shut the door. I hate doing it because he cries that he wants the door open and his brother with him but its the only way he will sleep. He sleeps for at least an hour at nap time so I am sure he needs it.

Bio Mom is giving the boys Chetos Pop Bug Juice and donuts during visits. I heard her say today when the boys asked for the things out of the bag as I was leaving "No that if for closer to the time you leave. You cant have it yet." She is intentionally sugering them up and they act horrible when they come back. I am super annoyed! Otherwise she has seemed okay so far but I don't understand why she would want to make their day miserable. They suffer for it!!!

Little man and my DS fight over me holding them constantly. Its always "my mommy, my mommy". I feel bad sometimes because there is not enough of me to go around and everyone here needs my one on one attention! There is only so much mama to go around:/

Little man and I are really bonding. He really loves to be held. X-man and I are bonding but more slowly. He wanted to give me a kiss today which was a first. He is much more attached to his bio mom though than little man.

Today when I picked them up from meeting with Bio Mom Little man cried for me to hold him when Bio mom was holding him. It hurts my heart to know he can attach to me so quickly. It says a lot for what his life has been like

Lastly we are going to try to get X-man into pre-school. I think he will really benefit from some play time with kids his age. He needs to learn to be social with other children in a productive way and he really needs to work on some important kindergarten readiness stuff.
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