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Old 01-02-2013, 06:13 PM   #1
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AP parents come help me...

I need help, especially with DS1. I do my "own version of AP... I still wear ds2 (on my back right now @ 31 lb even though he hurts me) I still nurse him, co sleep with both boys. I take ds1 wherever he wants to go at church on Sundays because he seems to have big separation anxiety issues and never ever will leave me to go to PreK.
Ds1 is VERY... Wild. he needs attention constantly which is very hard with the toddler who doesn't stay out of trouble. I hate to say it but I have yelled, spanked, tried time outs, reading time outs, ect ect. Ds1 REFUSES to listen to me! I have zero patience & know I need to work on this Ina huge way... But his behavior unfortunately effects the entire family negatively!!
He COMMANDS me to do something & if I refuse until he says please he 1. Absolutely will not say it & 2 will pith fits for half an hr at a time. I am at my wits end. I hate the tantrums because I do not want him upset- however him treating me in that way is unacceptable. He refuses to listen to me more than half the time, unless he's in the right "mood". And if his dad so much as scolds him or tells him to "come here so i can talk to you he comes straight to me and goes straight into meltdown mode! O_0 what can I do for this boy?? Some gentle way of parenting that can actually get through?
Sorry for the novel...

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Old 01-02-2013, 06:20 PM   #2
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I have also tried logical consequence (you jump on the couch & fall you get hurt) he still does it.
(You smack your brother because he took a toy you didn't even want- he's going to smack you back) I tell him that he is setting the example- if he hits the baby will hit & show him how to use his words but he doesn't want to!)
I also try redirection. This is a fail evey.single.time! I get "no, I don't want to" or nothing at all.
He harrasses me... Climbs all over me repeatedly until I loose my cool... I KNOW it's his plea for attention but this is constantly draining & makes AP that much harder. If I plan something special (a craft or something for just him & I) Hal the time he refuses... So basically my attempts to provide some "alone time" (I'm a SAHM- so always with both boys & toddler nurses for naps) are shot down.
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:29 PM   #3
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Re: AP parents come help me...

When he does that can you tell him it makes you sad and/or that you need a break from him?
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:39 PM   #4
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When he does that can you tell him it makes you sad and/or that you need a break from him?
Sometimes he will say sorry, sometimes he will just say "I don't want you to be sad & cry" & there are other times when he's climbing on me or vigorously repeating a behavior where he cannot stop laughing & then nothing gets through.
Once in awhile I can grab him in for a hug & that MIGHT settle him... The break thing doesn't work because he WANTS to "bother" me, to get my attention. Once in awhile I can get him to "read" a book or two.
If when he's doing this I try to redirect to play with me... It doesn't work. Idk if he's just "having too much fun" that he literally cannot stop?...
Honestly- he has a psych eval comming- & I never wanted it, but I need to know how his mind is working. I think he could benefit from behavioral therapy... But in the mean time *i* need it too! I need to be a better parent in general . His behavior just breaks me. :/
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:48 PM   #5
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Re: AP parents come help me...

He might benefit from a behavioal therapist, or even getting into a group play like a playgroup or some other communal activity type setting. Even Martial Arts could benefit a child like that. My ds1 is 5.5 years old and he needs to have a release. He is wild (he has ADHD which is where a lot of his energy comes from, and then being 5 on top of that). There is a Martial Arts group near me that works with young kids with ADHD and other behavioral issues like that and they are really good. He gets his release and learns to respect and so on.
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:53 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by JennTheMomma
He might benefit from a behavioal therapist, or even getting into a group play like a playgroup or some other communal activity type setting. Even Martial Arts could benefit a child like that. My ds1 is 5.5 years old and he needs to have a release. He is wild (he has ADHD which is where a lot of his energy comes from, and then being 5 on top of that). There is a Martial Arts group near me that works with young kids with ADHD and other behavioral issues like that and they are really good. He gets his release and learns to respect and so on.
Thanks I've been thinking about Taekwondo- but even if I where to do that or a play group/class I will not be able to leave him because he'd have a meltdown & chances would be great that he'd just wander over to be by me. He has a few friends/neighbors we play with, sometimes he does well & other times he just irritates them the whole time. I don't recall the behavior last time I watched them, but he was repeatedly doing something 4 1/2 old girl did not like. She asked nicely to stop always, & I explained how & why we need to use listening ears/be nice to our friends but he wound up in time out... Which he will not stay in..,
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:55 PM   #7
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That is another issue. Everyone is telling me I "must" leave him so that he learns that it's ok... But this is why I haven't started preschool although the break for everyone (us from him & him from us) could be greatly beneficial I do not want to cause him great stress & separation anxiety.
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:57 PM   #8
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Re: AP parents come help me...

Hmm. Could it be a jealousy thing he has of the younger sibling? I mean, it could be a behavioral thing too, could be jealousy, could be just his personality, could be something else, could be a mixture of all that.
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Old 01-02-2013, 07:02 PM   #9
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Hmm. Could it be a jealousy thing he has of the younger sibling? I mean, it could be a behavioral thing too, could be jealousy, could be just his personality, could be something else, could be a mixture of all that.
I'm sure it's a mixture & sometimes he even says he's jealous. I just don't know what to do for him... Even if I spend the early morning doing whatever he wants before ds2 Swales up, after ds2 wakes up he's back to his silly self. Or sometimes he just wakes up ready to climb the couch & bang the radiator & play his guitar @ 7 am before I've had coffee & no one else is awake. Lol it's a recipe for disaster... He knows its loud & would wake daddy & the baby & maybe even our friends downstairs but he INSISTs & if I take it then daddy & baby wake to hear a tantrum instead & that's even worse.
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Old 01-02-2013, 07:03 PM   #10
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Idk if you'd find it helpful but I'm reading "raising your spirited child" by Mary sheedy kurcinka. Maybe see if the library has it and see if there's anything that could help you?

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