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Old 01-02-2013, 07:11 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by RainandRedemption
Idk if you'd find it helpful but I'm reading "raising your spirited child" by Mary sheedy kurcinka. Maybe see if the library has it and see if there's anything that could help you?

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Thanks! I'll look into it!

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Old 01-02-2013, 07:14 PM   #12
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Re: AP parents come help me...

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That is another issue. Everyone is telling me I "must" leave him so that he learns that it's ok... But this is why I haven't started preschool although the break for everyone (us from him & him from us) could be greatly beneficial I do not want to cause him great stress & separation anxiety.
But do you KNOW it will cause him stress and anxiety or you just think it might? If you're not sure, it is worth a try! When he sees a room full of children his own age playing and having fun, it might change things.

I also recommend Raising Your Spirited Child. Awesome book!
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Old 01-02-2013, 07:20 PM   #13
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But do you KNOW it will cause him stress and anxiety or you just think it might? If you're not sure, it is worth a try! When he sees a room full of children his own age playing and having fun, it might change things.

I also recommend Raising Your Spirited Child. Awesome book!
I have left him. For VBS: once I left him & he was ok. The next day he cried for 1/2 an hour... & I know it's the learning process, but I hate causing him stress. It breaks my heart. Once I left him with his own grand parents to get my hair done & he cried for an hour & was horse when I came back. He knows them & loves them. It shouldn't be like that, I don't think. They where very loving kind & patient with him.
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Old 01-02-2013, 07:43 PM   #14
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Re: AP parents come help me...

SS I don't have any advice, Im in the same boat. I was just about to post about my 3y old DS1. He doesn't listen to me, demads things (when I ask him "how do we ask for things" he say please very rudely), will jump all over me till Im hurt(he gets so overwhelmed with laughing and playing) and has separation problems. With a 18m bfing, overly attached DS who is a total tornado its hard.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:27 PM   #15
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SS I don't have any advice, Im in the same boat. I was just about to post about my 3y old DS1. He doesn't listen to me, demads things (when I ask him "how do we ask for things" he say please very rudely), will jump all over me till Im hurt(he gets so overwhelmed with laughing and playing) and has separation problems. With a 18m bfing, overly attached DS who is a total tornado its hard.
Omygosh... Sounds like you completely understand!! How unfortunate! Lol I pray things get easier for the both of us. I felt absolutely awful today- ds1 has the flu & we had to walk a block to the ped so I had to carry the 18 month old when ds1 is just feeling rotten & wanted me to carry him. Makes me sad & I can certianly see that type of thing putting a damper on our relationship. :/
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:42 PM   #16
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I have a spirited 3 year old. (She has asd)


When I ask her to do something and she refuses and then throws a tantrum, I walk away. Ignore it, don't talk to him, let him have his fit and move on. Over time he will see that you don't care an act accordingly, it will get worse before it gets better though..

Make sure he is in a safe room that he can't hurt himself then taken your other ds somewhere else to have fun. If it is something that needs to be done prior to leaving the home (say putting on shoes). Then you just have to zip your mouth, force him onto your lap, put the shoes on, and let him kick, scream etc, but don't talk to him. There are some kids you just can't reason with, so as long as they are safe ignore it, get it done and don't talk to him until he is being nice.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:47 PM   #17
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I have a spirited 3 year old. (She has asd)

When I ask her to do something and she refuses and then throws a tantrum, I walk away. Ignore it, don't talk to him, let him have his fit and move on. Over time he will see that you don't care an act accordingly, it will get worse before it gets better though..

Make sure he is in a safe room that he can't hurt himself then taken your other ds somewhere else to have fun. If it is something that needs to be done prior to leaving the home (say putting on shoes). Then you just have to zip your mouth, force him onto your lap, put the shoes on, and let him kick, scream etc, but don't talk to him. There are some kids you just can't reason with, so as long as they are safe ignore it, get it done and don't talk to him until he is being nice.
Even with the tantrums I feel like I should hold him until he gives it up and then give him a hug to know that even though his behavior was unacceptable I still love him. This of course is not doable with the toddler around- nor is it with all behaviors. Sometimes he tantrums for 45 minutes & with 5 of me going in & not saying a word but holding him he calms down. & I do not know if I'm wrong doing that- because I do not want him to see it as "I did wrong but got away with it" kwim??
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:54 PM   #18
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Even with the tantrums I feel like I should hold him until he gives it up and then give him a hug to know that even though his behavior was unacceptable I still love him. This of course is not doable with the toddler around- nor is it with all behaviors. Sometimes he tantrums for 45 minutes & with 5 of me going in & not saying a word but holding him he calms down. & I do not know if I'm wrong doing that- because I do not want him to see it as "I did wrong but got away with it" kwim??
That's why he is doing it...sorry. Don't coddle him while he is having a tantrum. I KNOW it is hard, I have 2 girls that have had severe spd, asd, add, OCD and it was really hard to let go.

But once I did and gave it a week, my life changed. Yes we still have tantrums, but they are much shorter and less violent. (She was pulling her hair out and bashing her head).

She has an issue with feeling wet after the toilet, it was causing awful issues because we were constantly going in to help her wipe, so now we give her a wipe, and walk away. She still takes 10-20 min, but it is quiet and she handles it on her own. It's a tough pill to swallow for me as an ap mom, but my life was constant supervision of her (dressing issues, wiping issues, shoe issues, toy issues etc). Now life is much calmer and I can devote more time to my other kids.

Try it for a week, I am almost certain you will see results. Also as an AP mom, this is much gentler than behavioral therapy/aba. We tried aba and it was a disaster that had me in tears and a child that shut down completely and regressed. It was not for us.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:55 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by mrseum

Even with the tantrums I feel like I should hold him until he gives it up and then give him a hug to know that even though his behavior was unacceptable I still love him. This of course is not doable with the toddler around- nor is it with all behaviors. Sometimes he tantrums for 45 minutes & with 5 of me going in & not saying a word but holding him he calms down. & I do not know if I'm wrong doing that- because I do not want him to see it as "I did wrong but got away with it" kwim??
Hug him more when he is being good! He wants your love, he is having a hard time saying that to you and he gets it when he tantrums so he continues to do so. Tell him once that you will sit with him and love on him when he can behave appropriately.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:58 PM   #20
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Just wanted to throw this out there.
My Ds1 had horrible behavior. Long story short he had a combination of food allergies and obstructive sleep apnea. Poor kids was exhausted all the time. He is like a different kid now.
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