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Old 01-06-2013, 11:52 AM   #61
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Re: So whats the big deal with making sure babies gender conform?

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I gave my daughter a "boy" name - I guess she will struggle with statements the rest of her life. Lol.
I gave my daughter a boy name too, then it turned out to be the most popular girl name a few years later. In high school, her band group has 125 kids, 42 of them were named Jordan, Jordyn, or Jordin.

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Old 01-06-2013, 12:08 PM   #62
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I don't care if my boys play with "girl" toys or like pink, but I wouldn't go out and buy them pink clothes with flowers and butterflies. (Unless they specifically asked for it , which they wouldn't). My oldest is a Barony and collects my little pony figures and stuff. My two youngest love princesses (even asked for Cinderella for xmas). So I am pretty open minded for the most part (and def wasn't raised that way!). But I still can't bring myself to buy girly diapers lol.
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Old 01-06-2013, 12:21 PM   #63
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I love your daughter's name - it was on my short list. Is it for Jane Austen, or did you just love it?
Primarily for my brother who is currently overseas, but also because Jane isn't so shabby and I just love it. My brother was one of my huge supporters during my six year journey to have my daughter and deployed before she was born.

If my kid is anything like me she won't give a bleep if someone comments on her boy name. She will be too busy living life to be bothered by what those around her may think of the girl with the boy name.
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Old 01-06-2013, 12:24 PM   #64
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I guess I'm "closed-minded" then cause I love genders to stay different. I don't understand this current philosophy that boys need to be feminine and girls need to be manly. What's so bad about gender roles? BUT obviously we each have our own opinion.
For me it's not about making my son be girly. It's about not MAKING my son be ANYTHING.

If he likes playing with dolls, cool, he doesn't need a vagina to play with them. If his favorite color is pink, great, I don't know why colors are assigned genders.

I'm not willing to teach him that liking certain objects, colors, or themes makes him any less of who he is.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:15 PM   #65
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Re: So whats the big deal with making sure babies gender conform?

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All studies I have read point to the fact that while sex may be inherent, gender is taught. Gender roles (which include things like trucks=boy and pink=girl) are 100% socialization.

This stuff doesn't just happen on its own. We teach it. Which makes me wonder why we do?
I'm not sure how I could have taught my firstborn as an infant to be fascinated with anything with wheels or anything you can put together. That boy has been obsessed with cars, trucks, trains, and building things since he was born. At 7 months we went to the Old Baker Farm. He was mildly interested in the pumpkins and cotton. The animals he could care less about. When the tractor parade started, I thought he was going to fall out of his carrier the way he craned his neck and stretched to follow those machines with his eyes. As a toddler, he'd focus on the cars and toss aside the Little People.

DD on the other hand, pretty much started out with all boy toys since I was too cheap to run out and buy a bunch of girly stuff. Cars and trains were ok to her, but she preferred playing with the people and the stuffed animals.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:41 PM   #66
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Re: So whats the big deal with making sure babies gender conform?

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I guess I'm "closed-minded" then cause I love genders to stay different. I don't understand this current philosophy that boys need to be feminine and girls need to be manly. What's so bad about gender roles? BUT obviously we each have our own opinion.
it isn't about "making" my children anything, whether it be manly, girly or gay. I cannot believe people still believe you can make a child gay. /facepalm.
In our home and family we see gender differently than most.
Gender isn't as simple as "boy" & "girl" to me. Boy or girl is your sex. how you identify is your gender. I see it as being fluid, much like sexuality.
Colors & do not have a sex or a gender. They do not belong to any specific group & can be used freely by anybody.


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I gave my daughter a "boy" name - I guess she will struggle with statements the rest of her life. Lol.
i <3 your daughter's name. My little sister is Darien so I am partial to unisex names.

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All studies I have read point to the fact that while sex may be inherent, gender is taught. Gender roles (which include things like trucks=boy and pink=girl) are 100% socialization.

This stuff doesn't just happen on its own. We teach it. Which makes me wonder why we do?

I think its mostly a holdover from different times, but then I wonder why things like kids clothing choices have become even more gender rigid from when I was a kid. I mean hell, 100 years ago baby boys wore dresses until they were like three.

It seems like one of the underlying subtexts is homophobia (turning sons gay). I know being gay is pretty mainstream where I live and teach so perhaps this is why I do not understand the panic.
This. times 100!
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:56 PM   #67
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I guess I just don't see anything wrong with my dds dressed as girly as all get out and my ds dressed all boyish. My son still bakes and sews and cleans and my older girls still play football and change their own oil. They just do it on heels . I have never disallowed certain toys but I sure bought my girls dolls and my son trains because that's what they liked. My two littlest ones only wear pink and purple and frills. Now that my two year old can choose she may start choosing other colors if she wants but im not going to dress my babies in gn colors for fear of making them choose a gender. They are girls and I like them dressed girly.
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Old 01-06-2013, 05:01 PM   #68
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Re: So whats the big deal with making sure babies gender conform?

On the Nature vs Nurture thing. I don't buy the whole "Gender is taught" thing at all. Maybe to a point, but if you let your kids be who they really are, they will more often behave generally the way they behave. Boys tend to be more rowdy, need more space, like things that go and make noise. Girls tend to like small toys, play quietly (shriek often) and play more nurturing games.

Parents who set out for a gender neutral child, often are choosing the gender. (gender neutral) If a boy loves his Train set and legos, but, has no interest in dolls or play animals, it needs to be respected. If a girl loves her dress up clothes and ballet, it should be respected. There are no extra parenting points for raising a gender neutral child. There's no high fives for sending your son to first grade in pink snow boots when he realllllly wanted the spider man boots.
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Old 01-06-2013, 05:12 PM   #69
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I think a lot of people are missing the point of gender neutral. It doesn't, on the grander post-infant-age, mean only yellow and green and non-stereotypical toys. It means never saying No to something simply because it's marketed or made for the opposite sex.
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Old 01-06-2013, 05:25 PM   #70
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Re: So whats the big deal with making sure babies gender conform?

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I think a lot of people are missing the point of gender neutral. It doesn't, on the grander post-infant-age, mean only yellow and green and non-stereotypical toys. It means never saying No to something simply because it's marketed or made for the opposite sex.
That is what I would consider gender neutral too. But, many people think it means "anything other than what you are".

I've met people who actively raise their girl to be, act and look like a boy. (I've heard of parents of boys doing the same)

My niece absolutely REFUSES to buy a single solitary girl toy, or girl clothing for her daughter. She can ONLY play sports, or join motocross. But, when she asked if she could take a dance class with her best friend, she was told no, girl stuff is icky.

Her son made a valentines picture using pink and red. (the only colors I supplied that day) and she tore it up, yelled at him and said "You don't use pink!".

Not because she thinks "pink is for girls", but because all things girly is bad. Therefore being a girl is a bad thing. We must all strive to be a man.

So, I always get my undies in a bundle when I see parents trying to force one gender type onto their kids, because to me it is saying "Being a boy is not acceptable" or "Being a girl is not good enough".
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