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Old 01-08-2013, 05:57 PM   #1
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Tricky situation with gift

DH has a milestone birthday coming up. I am having a party for him, with his core group of friends, some newer couple friends, and some work friends. All total, probably about 40+ people. DH's main group of friends is very special. They all grew up here, married here, brought their families home to here, and stayed friends. The few that went away, come home for events and stay close. It is a really neat group of guys and they are all hilarious when together.

At the very heart of it all is DH and this one guy, E. E is a very special friend to our family. He is not married, is childless and has recently lost both parents. We have always included him in family dinners and holidays when he needed or wanted to be included. And, since losing his parents, we try even harder to make sure he feels he can come here whenever he needs. E is also extremely generous with his cash. He thinks nothing of bringing my kids Easter treats at Easter with $20 tucked into Easter eggs.

Dh has said no gifts at the party. His group of friends generally do not do birthday gifts, so I didn't make a big deal out of in the invitation. Well, I just today got a string of emails from E about getting the guys together to buy DH a gift. I wrote back that he said no gifts, thank you for the generous thoughts, though. He replied that they are thinking of an iPad!!!

So, not really sure how to reply. DH will be mortified. But, it is an extremely generous gift and I don't want to be rude. Would if be wrong to say, "That is a very generous and kind idea, but I worry that since DH said 'no gifts' that it might make him feel uncomfortable." ?

WWYD?

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Old 01-08-2013, 06:00 PM   #2
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Why not say that???


Or your presence is present enough.
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Old 01-08-2013, 06:05 PM   #3
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Re: Tricky situation with gift

You can say that and then they can do what they want. I know I have said no gifts several times, but my best friend never listens and she always gets something for just me since she knows I won't buy for just me. I think it is sweet. Maybe they could give it to him separate from the others invited. We often split off from the group for a while when we invite tons of people because neither of us do great with 20+ people around.
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Old 01-08-2013, 06:07 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by meeshkasheeba View Post
You can say that and then they can do what they want.
This. And if they decide to do it maybe they can come earlier and give it so it's not weird in front of the other guests.
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Old 01-08-2013, 06:13 PM   #5
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Re: Tricky situation with gift

I say let them. They love him. Let them make a big deal.
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Old 01-08-2013, 06:16 PM   #6
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Re: Tricky situation with gift

You've already said "no gifts." If they want to get one anyway, let them.

There are 5 love languages, "gifts" is one of them. And it seems to me that E shows his love by giving gifts. It makes him happy. He has no one else to spend money on.... let him do this for your DH.

So your DH will be uncomfortable for a few minutes, then he'll have an awesome gift to play with..

And who knows, maybe it'll spark a new tradition where each time there is a birthday everyone does a group gift for the birthday guy.

Just roll with it.

God bless!
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Old 01-08-2013, 07:16 PM   #7
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Re: Tricky situation with gift

I think I'd be like, hey you know what guys, I'm staying out of this one. Husband always says how awkward he feels about getting gifts, but I'm sure one of you will give him a good reason for why he HAS TO HAVE this ipad.
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Old 01-09-2013, 03:52 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Michelle_M
You've already said "no gifts." If they want to get one anyway, let them.

There are 5 love languages, "gifts" is one of them. And it seems to me that E shows his love by giving gifts. It makes him happy. He has no one else to spend money on.... let him do this for your DH.

So your DH will be uncomfortable for a few minutes, then he'll have an awesome gift to play with..

And who knows, maybe it'll spark a new tradition where each time there is a birthday everyone does a group gift for the birthday guy.

Just roll with it.

God bless!
I agree with this.
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