If you vacation without kids...

[harmoni247]

and you don't have family willing to have the kids over, how do manage? I had three sets of grandparents growing up, one had a young child of her own, one set was still working, and one set was retired amd old....I spent my entire summers going to each of their homes for many weeks at a time. I have great memories from a very young age, and I was really expecting more help because of my experiences, but I'm realizing now that thats not the way life works. It seems like family support networks are dwindling in modern times. I know they are my kids and my responsibility, so I dont need a lecture on that, I just wish for a different culture, I guess. In any case, DH and I would still like to have time away to focus on us. I know we could do a day instead of a week, but if theres a way to make a longer time work, I'd love to hear ideas.

[ohgirlohboyohno]

We live within 5 miles of the inlaws, greandparents, aunt-in-laws etc...basically all of Dh family lives within 30 minutes of us.....my parents live about 4 hrs away.

With that we don't normally have the in-laws care for the kids much. MIL gets overwhelmed with all our kids and FIL is working a lot. I wish MIL was a little more open to spending more time with the kids. but she also has a not so nurturing personality so I dunno.

MY parents LOVE taking the kids. During the summer at least one or 2 of my kids are at their house all summer. We also have breaks during the school year (year round school) where a kid will go stay with them too. They also kept all the kids when we went to vegas cause MIL said she couldn't take off a day of work (and we needed the extra day for travel time)..

As a kid we also spent a lot of time with grandparents, weeks during the summer etc. it WAS a lot of fun! I still have fond memories of those times.

I think some of it is society views and also some of it is that people are working more and longer and not "retiring" as early as other generations.

[Mom2Connor]

Well, I think a bug part of it is that as said, people aren't retiring as early. Also both work as opposed to grandma usually being home.

Also consider that the people you want to rely on are the ones who left you for THEIR vacations...so clearly their priorities are different than their parents, who watched you when you were little.

I guess in your shoes I would look into a daycare that can take them during the day and a really good friend or sibling that would do nights?

[harmoni247]

Originally Posted by Mom2Connor Well, I think a bug part of it is that as said, people aren't retiring as early. Also both work as opposed to grandma usually being home. Also consider that the people you want to rely on are the ones who left you for THEIR vacations...so clearly their priorities are different than their parents, who watched you when you were little. I guess in your shoes I would look into a daycare that can take them during the day and a really good friend or sibling that would do nights?

That sounds like a good idea if I can find a place to watch older kids too. I think maybe our YMCA. Thanks for the suggestion.

I guess I don't see it as a work or retirement issue in our family because I had a set of grandparents that both worked, even while I was visiting. The family was very communal with aunts and uncles stepping in or even friends from their church, though I suspect my grandmother did take some of her time off, since we were mainly with her and not other family. My grandfather didn't retire until my twenties.

I also don't think its selfish to take a vacation without kids. so I wouldn't say that's the reason. Ive been thinking about it, and I think it bothers me most that I enjoyed those times so much, and my kids wont get that. But my mom wouldn't understand the value of being at the grandparents because my grandfather was adopted and then neglected, and my grandmother was raised by an alcoholic mom who didn't want to be around. so I am starting to think she just doesn't see how important grandparents can be, because she didn't have them growing up. she did get plenty of help so that she didn't have to find a babysitter for me in the summer, and she did go on vacations, so at the very least, she should be able to remember how nice it was to have that help and support, but I don't get to decide the relationship they have with their grandparents, so I'll just have to readjust my expectations.

[Mom2Connor]

I did not at all say it was selfish to take a vacation without kids, where did you see that?

What I said was their priorities appear to be different.

[Mom2Connor]

Some people just aren't great grandparents. My mom is an awesome grandma, totally involved, will watch him for a weekend so we can get away, is out babysitter for evenings out (we use a home daycare on our st that we trust for daytime stuff as my mom works).

My dad is a good grandpa, but for some reason will watch my brothers DS and has since he was a baby for an entire day every other week, and occasionally days in between. But says my DS is just too much energy to keep up with so he always says he doesn't have time if we ask him to watch him for something. So I just don't ask anymore, ever. I gave up awhile ago after the last time he came over to watch him for a couple hrs and he arrived pissed off about it. :/ He wasn't the daddy type to my brother or I, so it's not unexpected that he's not interested in watching DS either. That's all I was saying.

[carriek38]

My parents left my brother & I w/ either set of grandparents a couple of times when we were kids, generally for a weekend getaway or something like that. Honestly? I have no problem w/ the idea of vacationing w/o the kids; I think it would be nice. But the idea of spending whole summers away is a foreign concept for me. My parents couldn't afford to both be off work to go on vacations as a family most of the time, let alone just the two of them, so mostly it didn't happen. And it only happened once we were pretty much old enough to look after ourselves (I'd say maybe 6 & 8?) b/c everyone we knew was busy. DP & I would love to vacation w/o DD at some point, but the only one who doesn't get overwhelmed w/ DD is my mom...she does take DD overnight once in a while, but she's already stretched pretty thin, trying to work FT, take care of her own home, & care for her own mother since my grandfather died. Not that we have a lot of family, but they all think DD is naughty & they get frustrated w/ her pretty quickly...not asking them to keep her, KWIM? So since we don't have those resources, that's just not our life...not that either of us gets away much, but mostly I "cover" while DP has her time away & vice-versa. DP is more likely to take a weekend away or travel for work; I'm more likely to take an afternoon by myself or revel in the couple times a year when DP takes DD to visit family out of state

[NotLad]

Any good friends? My BFF's family is out of state. About once every three months I take her kids for the weekend so she and her husband can have grown up time. As they get older, I wouldn't hesitate to take them for a week so they could have a real vacation together.

[harmoni247]

Originally Posted by Mom2Connor I did not at all say it was selfish to take a vacation without kids, where did you see that? What I said was their priorities appear to be different.

I'm sorry I misunderstood. I thought you were saying that their priority is themselves. I didn't want you to think I was implying that they are/were selfish, and the word priority came across that way to me. I agree that some parents made better parents than they make grandparents.

[Mom2Connor]

No, not at all. We went camping (tent) a couple times last summer and took two of our dogs, left DS with my mom! LOL

I would like to eventually go on a cruise or something with DH for a week or so, but that's years in the future since we have another on the way.