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Old 01-07-2013, 02:43 PM   #1
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Sister - brother conflict

I could use some advice please. My 18 month old son is currently bedsharing with my husband and me but that arrangement needs to start winding down. Just yesterday we sidecarred the daybed (crib) to within a foot of our queen. Here's a picture I took while I was sitting on my bed.

Not a great pic but you get the idea. Anyway, my problem is that this was briefly my daughter's daybed, from 18 months to about 3 years. It was her crib too, but she never slept in it. I think she has nostalgia for the bed and now that it's close to our bed she just likes hanging out there. But she has her own bed/space and I want my son to as well. Sometimes they tug at the little blankets I keep in the bed, as in they want whatever the other has. And that causes my son to shriek like crazy which gives me a headache. I know that's typical, but I wonder if I'm depriving my son of a safe place by allowing my daughter to hang out in there or am I being insensitive to my daughter who is holding on to a bit of her past if I tell her she can't hang in there anymore?

So, would you/ have you made a toddler bed off limits to an older kid?


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Old 01-07-2013, 02:49 PM   #2
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Re: Sister - brother conflict

My kids hang out in each others room/bed, they are very close and love being together and I couldn't imagine telling them they couldn't do so. They do the fighting over things too. If it is something constant, I try to find a good compromise, like in your situation I would but a special blanket there for each of them so it would hopefully curb that issue.
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Old 01-07-2013, 02:51 PM   #3
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Re: Sister - brother conflict

Our toddler will be 25mo tomorrow and has been on her own bed in our room for a few months. We have a rule that other kids are only allowed on her bed if she invites them. We live in smaller house and the kids share rooms so their beds are their own space that they do not need to share unless they want to. We share everything else for the most part but beds are sacred I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to expect DD to respect his area. She has her own big girl bed and has been done with the toddler bed for over a year.
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Old 01-07-2013, 03:06 PM   #4
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Re: Sister - brother conflict

Our kids share a room and they don't mind being on each other's beds until one is tired an cranky. THEN we separate them, but other than that it's all good.

We simply have said, if you get to keep X to yourself than your sibling gets to keep X from you.

Both have decided that this is untenable when they want the other's X so THEY have agreed to share everything so that everything is fair game.

I thought it was pretty funny that they both agreed to those terms, but we stick to em.
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Old 01-07-2013, 03:39 PM   #5
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Re: Sister - brother conflict

Personally, I think beds are personal space. I wouldn't let my children hang out on each other's bed unless the other child was okay with it. The blankets on each of my children's bed are theirs as well, even if they don't have a specific one for their bed. Whatever blanket is on their bed at the time is under their control. I would feel my space was being invaded if someone was on my bed and fighting with me over my blankets.

Everything else is shared in our house, but beds are personal space. I would tell your older daughter it isn't hers and if she can't play nicely, she has to get off.

Of course, obviously, different people have different opinions. So, you are going to have to decide for yourself.

Oh and hand me down beds are what all my younger kids have. One has a really cool car bed that was my oldest's and then my next son's. It's now one of my 2.5 year olds. It no longer belongs to either of the older boys and they cannot try to stake claim to it. Same with my daughter's toddler bed which now belongs to the other 2.5 year old and the 2 cribs that have been passed from oldest (only one crib at the time ) through 2 sets of twins and now onto the youngest. Once they move up, it's no longer their bed. Again, just us.

Good luck!

ETA - I wouldn't ban her from ever being on the bed. But, I would let her know it is his bed and if they are fighting, she is the one to get off.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:53 PM   #6
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Re: Sister - brother conflict

I agree with the above. Beds are personal space....even if it's a "used" bed by another sibling. I would not allow the sharing unless the younger one was ok with it, and it doesn't sound like he is.

Heck, my DH and I sometimes when we are grumpy, grumble at eachother about blanket stealing (rolling over and taking it with you, pulling it off the other person, etc) or one person rolling over too far to the other side and pillow sharing (ok, this one is mostly me, LOL) when they are sound asleep...therefore making the other one sleep on the edge of the bed. I can't imagine having had my brother swoop in on my bed when we were growing up.
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Old 01-07-2013, 10:26 PM   #7
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I think it depends on the kids. My kids are 4.5 and 22mo and they share their blankets and beds fine unless they are being cranky. I'd take your 18mos cues. If he is trying to push her out or yells when she's in there and he's not, then I'd say he doesn't like it and she needs to stay out, but fighting over blankets, pillows, etc that's very typical and I wouldn't worry about it. Though the screeching is highly annoying, my 22mo does that too. My ears are permanently ringing, sorry you are going through that!
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