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Old 01-09-2013, 08:16 PM   #11
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I totally agree that pulling him out of class is a possible recipe for embarrassment later.

I am ok with pushing the comfort button a little for the better good, I don't want him to shut me out. I do like the idea of a 'hey heads up...this is next week...this is the overview....any questions? approach. Quick and to the point. He'd want it that way. At least it will get the ball rolling.

Any book recs?

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Old 01-09-2013, 08:21 PM   #12
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Re: 'The talk' for uninterested older kids?

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I thought about that but it seems so hands off and technical ya know?
It may be hands off and technical but this is what some kids need. I did.

If my mother had attempted to talk to me face to face I would have tuned her out in my discomfort and embarrassment.
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Old 01-09-2013, 08:23 PM   #13
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Re: 'The talk' for uninterested older kids?

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Whatever you do, don't JUST hand him a book and then never mention it again. That's what my mom did. Lame. Talk about it while you take a drive somewhere...that way neither of you expect eye contact.
Depends on the child. My mother did this with me. I am forever grateful. I would have hated her even referring to the book again.

My children are much more open than I was. Despite my own discomfort I have made sure to discuss things with them since they were small.
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Old 01-09-2013, 09:12 PM   #14
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Depends on the child. My mother did this with me. I am forever grateful. I would have hated her even referring to the book again.

My children are much more open than I was. Despite my own discomfort I have made sure to discuss things with them since they were small.
I am not uncomfortable talking to him. I always waited for him to ask a question and its never happened. I figured it would and before I knew it he was 10.
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Old 01-09-2013, 11:14 PM   #15
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Re: 'The talk' for uninterested older kids?

No kid wants to have this conversation but would it maybe be better if DH did it?

I'm also in the camp that is thankful my mom gave me a book and then never ever discussed the issue!

I really learned everything from our the classes at school. Our high school ones got pretty detailed about what things were and diseases and such and I was much happier to hear it from my phys ed teacher than my mother!
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Old 01-10-2013, 11:40 AM   #16
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Re: 'The talk' for uninterested older kids?

I would have Dad have a little chat w/ him, too, before the class. My oldest is a girl, and we did the 'body talk' before going into 4th grade, but that was b/c I knew there were some girls (not my DD) that would probably start their periods in 4th grade, and I wanted my DD to hear about it from me and not in the school bathroom. We used the American Girl Care and Keeping of You. Not sure of a boys' equivilant? I would not have him skip the class, I think it sends the wrong message and he'll just hear about it at school anyway.
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Old 01-11-2013, 07:49 AM   #17
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Re: 'The talk' for uninterested older kids?

I use the Just Say It approach. My 12 yr old haaattteeesssssss talking about sex. But I usually bring it up at random times when she is trapped (like in the car), say a few things, then drop it. A month or 2 or 6 later, I might say something else. I usually remind her if she has questions to lmk. She always responds "Mooommmmmmm!!!!!!".
I do this with all the touchy subjects, which for us are s3x, drugs, and her bio dad. They need to hear you say it, even if it makes them uncomfortable. He may be curious but to shy to say anything. Through the years, just keep it slow and steady. He may never open up, and may act really uninterested or embarrassed. But keep doing it.
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Old 01-13-2013, 02:55 PM   #18
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Re: 'The talk' for uninterested older kids?

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Our oldest ds is nearly 10. Next school year he will be in the 5th grade, this is the year the kids are separated and go through a educational series about puberty and s3x. I've been thinking about whether I will allow I'm to attend, and I'm still on the fence. I want to talk with him first. Problem is, he's a very introverted child and doesn't like to be uncomfortable. Body things are uncomfortable for him (even though we've assured him body things are normal). He's not talkative and never has been, he's just quiet and is happy to be that way. How would you approach a child who might not WANT to know but is getting to an age where needing to know the facts/what's normal is necessary. I always thought we'd do the 'age appropriate answers' for this but he's never asked.

Fwiw, our other boys haven't ever asked either.
My mom tried to have the talk with me and I would not have it.
She got me a book and I read it.

I really wish that I would have been more interested in some aspects and had real conversations with her, but the truth is, at 34 yrs old, I'm still not interested in talking about those things with most people.

that being said, I think several different types of books would be good. The anatomy type one was good, then a book that talked about other aspects of the talk would have been good on top of that.

if my mom had forced me to sit there and listen, I would have been very upset and I wouldn't have been listening.

ETA: I would let him go to the class. I generally think they're pointless and not done well at all, but otherwise it's going to be all hearsay from the other kids and that's worse. If those classes did anything other than confuse half the kids, forums like babybump, etc wouldn't have any threads in them at all (we had sex 4 hours ago and now I'm nauseated, does that mean I'm pregnant? I'm pregnant and we just had unprotected sex, can I be double pregnant now?). So, I would ask after the class if they needed to talk about anything or had any questions.
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Old 01-13-2013, 04:10 PM   #19
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Re: 'The talk' for uninterested older kids?

I would suggest getting him a book, talking about the major points with him, and then letting him explore the book on his own.

Another idea that is very helpful is to give him a journal to write questions in. If he has a question and is embarrassed to ask you, he can write it in the journal. He can either give the journal to you, or you can tell him that you will check it once a week, or whatever works for you. If he writes in a question, you can write back an answer and leave it somewhere for him. It works great if you have a curious child who will never be comfortable asking you a question directly. This way he gets his question answered, and he need never actually talk to you about it. Even husbands who may be reluctant to participate in "the talk" may be willing to participate in the journal. If your son is more comfortable asking the questions of dad, he can do that instead. Some kids will be too embarrassed for even this, but it is an option.

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Old 01-13-2013, 04:14 PM   #20
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Re: 'The talk' for uninterested older kids?

I like the journal idea
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