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Old 01-14-2013, 06:24 PM   #1
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I feel so disconnected

I don't know if it's my depression, the amount of stress, or a mixture of both, but I can't seem to feel like I am connected to this baby.

When I was pregnant with DD, it was completely different than this. I didn't have to struggle to feel like I was connected to her by more than an umbilical cord. She was immediately my baby, then immediately my daughter when I found out she was a girl. I guess you could say I was more excited then. She wasn't "the baby" after I found out she was a girl. I always used her name.

I'm 20 weeks with a baby who is still a complete surprise to me. I feel like the only connection to this one is the umbilical cord. I really want to feel the same way I did with my DD, but I can't. I keep calling her "the baby" or "your sister" or "your baby" instead of by her name.

Please tell me I will eventually feel different. I want to enjoy this baby, but it feels so difficult.

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Old 01-14-2013, 06:50 PM   #2
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Re: I feel so disconnected

You will, but it will take time and effort. Some I have been super excited about and connected with....others not so much and still others not at all. I do take it as a warning sign of PPD....the times I have felt a lack of connection and NOT worked on it I had severe PPD. I purposefully take time to think about baby, talk to him, buy special things now and then, sometimes the action helps the emotion follow.
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:54 PM   #3
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Re: I feel so disconnected

you will. i've heard this is a problem with a lot of moms and their second pregnancy. i personally didn't really feel connected until a few weeks ago. i mean i knew what being pregnant was, i knew a baby was coming, but it really didnt hit me that i was gonna be a mom to a whole new little person. i hit me in the car when i was driving and i started to bawl.
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Old 01-14-2013, 07:00 PM   #4
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Re: I feel so disconnected

i had this with my 2nd son (4th child) it was VERY hard pregnancy and alot of stress in my marriage which led to me being so depressed and unhappy. it did not change for me till he was about 7 months. because on top of all that, he had colic and refused to nurse for 4 months so I had to pump and feed. so exhausting. once i got sleep and me time, i was better.
looking back now, I wish I had taken some meds or made myself work out to keep the good juice in my brain working. it was just too long of a sad feeling. try to be seen and see what they think
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Old 01-14-2013, 07:31 PM   #5
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Re: I feel so disconnected

This happened with my second pregnancy as well, it was also a surprise. I spent all of my time focusing on my son, I would actually forget I was pregnant some days I thought about the new baby so little.

Then at our ultrasound I found out it was another boy (I was sure it was a girl) and I felt disconnected again.

When he was born it was instant love though, even though he had severe reflux and screamed all of the time, I loved that little guy. I actually in ways feel the most connected to him now out of my 3 kids.
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:31 PM   #6
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Re: I feel so disconnected

I will be honest, out of 4 pregnancies, I only felt super excitement over one of them. Even then, I have never read or talked to my belly, and I have always referred to the new baby as "the new baby" and never by name, even if we had picked out a name. I enjoy my pregnancies, I like feeling the baby move, I usually have a fairly easy time and don't get uncomfortable until the very very end. I forget I am pregnant all.the.time. People ask when I am due and I stare at them blankly for a minute.... lol. A few times I have even asked "what? What do you mean?". lol.

I am certainly not trying to undermine your feelings. Just know that not all moms are all gooshy smooshy lovey dovey over their growing bellies. If you aren't that way, or were for one pregnancy but aren't for another, it honestly is ok to be that way. It doesn't mean you are a bad mom or that you won't love your baby.

i hope you feel better. Having a baby always takes some adjusting, whether it's your first baby, or your tenth, whether it was planned or not. There's always an adjustment period. And it can take a while. Be kind to yourself.
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:11 AM   #7
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Re: I feel so disconnected

I feel the same way. I never really talk to this baby, where at this point with my daughter I was reading to my stomach and stuff like that. I just have so much going on and I'm still disappointed that I didn't get to have a normal pregnancy. I know this will be my last though and it kills me that I feel like I'm wasting it, if that makes sense.
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:36 AM   #8
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Re: I feel so disconnected

I felt like that last time and so far this time, too. I am hopeful that finding out the sex and naming this little sweetheart will help. (6 days!) But at this moment I am still not "feeling it" and most of the time forget I am pg even though I am 17 weeks and wearing maternity clothes.
This is #4 and I totally felt connected to #1 and #2.
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:18 AM   #9
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My second child was planned and certainly wanted, but I definitely didn't feel the same level of connection or excitement during my pregnancy with her. I was actually kind of "blah" about it. Every little thing wasn't *new* and *thrilling* like it was with my first, and most of my time and attention went to caring for the child I already had, you know? But the instant I held her in my arms for the first time, I loved her just as fiercely as I loved my son.

Give yourself a break, mama, and don't stress out over your feelings at this point in time. You have a lot going on, but I think that this is one of those things that will usually work themselves out in the end.
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:59 PM   #10
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I feel better after hearing you all tell me you went through it. I know I will love my new little girl when she is here. I just feel so overwhelmed with worry about her arrival at times.

I'm going to talk to my counselor on Friday. I do feel like my disconnection and worry is me wasting this time when I could be in enjoyment.
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