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Old 01-16-2013, 12:23 PM   #111
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Re: The spanking debate.

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I think we can all sometimes see our kids as less well behaved than other kids simply because we are the ones always dealing with their bad behaviors.

I think my kids are terribly behaved pretty often when we (very rarely anymore) go out to eat. On several of these occasions someone will comment on how good they were and I am left thinking, did you not just see them?!
My 4 year old came to the doctor with me yesterday. The doctor said, "How old is he?" I told him 4, and he said, "You get the gold star for the day. You're the best behaved kid I've seen all day. So quiet."

He's shy by nature, but it's nice to see that I am doing some good with my kids. They know how to behave, and when it is expected of them. I didn't have to get onto him once yesterday in the doctor's office.

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Old 01-16-2013, 12:24 PM   #112
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Re: The spanking debate.

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I see, I have a hard time reading sarcasm when posting in a serious thread, lol.

I agree that people shouldn't be called names or personally insulted. However, I think it can be easily mistaken as being called a name or insulted when someone is posting their belief. Everyone has a right to their feelings, on both sides.
Absolutely, and yet, 99% of my posts have been me defending myself/my feelings about the subject. It gets tiring. There's a difference between arguing pros/cons of each side, and downright having to defend myself, and my parenting. I'm only doing the latter, so it's getting boring and pointless, really. Not to mention the fact that even though it is the internet, it never feels good to be told that you could do better as a parent, or that you are lazy, don't care about your kids, etc.
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Old 01-16-2013, 12:32 PM   #113
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Re: The spanking debate.

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And while that's all fine and great, not everyone has the ability to do all of this. While I would love to be a perfect parent that is there for my children 24/7, I have a very demanding job. A job that I can't quit, or we will not have basic needs met. I work about 10-18 hours a day, on average. I am here for my kids if they need me, and they know that, but I don't have time to sit and have discussions all day long about behavior, choices, what they prefer, etc. I do NOT always spank, I said that in my very first post. I spank when it is necessary (not when I am being lazy). I also have other methods, like time-out, writing sentences, etc. Different doesn't mean wrong, abuse, or lazy.
I'm an attorney, if that isn't a busy profession then I don't know what is, and I don't spank. If you aren't the parent you want to be, then look in the mirror. I certainly don't think you should choose to spank your kids because you lack time to teach them properly. If you would choose that path with all the time in the world, fine, but if your argument is "I'm a busy professional, so I have to spank!" I disagree.
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Old 01-16-2013, 12:35 PM   #114
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Re: The spanking debate.

Also, it is every parent's choice to spank or not to spank, but I've never seen a CYS case come through where the parents were in trouble for using time outs/gentle discipline/redirection. I've also never heard of a CYS counselor teaching a parent to spank. They always teach time outs/talk to kids/find other ways to express emotions, etc.
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Old 01-16-2013, 12:40 PM   #115
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I was spanked, we don't and won't. I won't hit my kids in anger, and if I'm going to wait to deal with bad behavior until I'm not angry, then I can use that break to find a more effective solution than spanking.
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Old 01-16-2013, 12:47 PM   #116
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Re: The spanking debate.

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Originally Posted by s@hmommy View Post
I think we can all sometimes see our kids as less well behaved than other kids simply because we are the ones always dealing with their bad behaviors.

I think my kids are terribly behaved pretty often when we (very rarely anymore) go out to eat. On several of these occasions someone will comment on how good they were and I am left thinking, did you not just see them?!

Maybe so, but no one ever comments on how behaved my children were lol! I am usually getting the "evil eye" lol. They don't do anything really terrible, they are still small, but they aren't the best listeners. I worry that they don't take me and dh seriously and that it will get progressively worse as they get older-especially teen years!
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Old 01-16-2013, 12:48 PM   #117
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Re: The spanking debate.

I have seen the wording "get onto him" used several times. I'm not sure what is meant by this? Is it physical or just a way to phase something and if so what. Sounds like it is starting out negative and if you (general you) look for the negative in the behavior that is what you will get.
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Old 01-16-2013, 12:53 PM   #118
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Re: The spanking debate.

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Originally Posted by leyash View Post
My 4 year old came to the doctor with me yesterday. The doctor said, "How old is he?" I told him 4, and he said, "You get the gold star for the day. You're the best behaved kid I've seen all day. So quiet."

He's shy by nature, but it's nice to see that I am doing some good with my kids. They know how to behave, and when it is expected of them. I didn't have to get onto him once yesterday in the doctor's office.
My kids get the same when they go to the dentist and dr. every time also.

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Absolutely, and yet, 99% of my posts have been me defending myself/my feelings about the subject. It gets tiring. There's a difference between arguing pros/cons of each side, and downright having to defend myself, and my parenting. I'm only doing the latter, so it's getting boring and pointless, really. Not to mention the fact that even though it is the internet, it never feels good to be told that you could do better as a parent, or that you are lazy, don't care about your kids, etc.
It seems you take how others parent their kids very personally if it isn't along the same lines as your parenting. I might have missed it as I have skimmed through this thread very quickly, but I don't see anyone who is personally attacking you or your parenting. Well, maybe the one poster, but I just skim past her, lol. I tend to skip over those who seem overly agressive in their choice.

For example, I do not think spanking is abuse (some forms of spanking are, but generally speaking), but I could never hit my children and to me, spanking is hitting. I do not look down on others who chose to spank, but it does have me wonder why they do it. I have never had a situation with any of my 4 children ages 3-9 where I thought spanking was needed.

And the lazy, not caring about your kids is just ridiculous. Try not to take it personally. Well, I guess one could say it is coming from well meaning mom's who don't have a way with words.
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Old 01-16-2013, 12:55 PM   #119
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Re: The spanking debate.

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It seems you take how others parent their kids very personally if it isn't along the same lines as your parenting. I might have missed it as I have skimmed through this thread very quickly, but I don't see anyone who is personally attacking you or your parenting. Well, maybe the one poster, but I just skim past her, lol. I tend to skip over those who seem overly agressive in their choice.
Really? Because I really could care less. How other people choose to parent their kids is solely up to them. I am not a perfect parent. I have flaws. MOST importantly, I don't know how other peoples kids are. I only know how mine are. And no, what I am taking personally, is being told that my way is the WRONG way, that my way is abusive, and lazy, and that I don't care about my kids because I choose to discipline them in a different way than some people prefer or choose. THAT'S what I take personally.
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Old 01-16-2013, 12:56 PM   #120
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Re: The spanking debate.

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I was spanked, we don't and won't. I won't hit my kids in anger, and if I'm going to wait to deal with bad behavior until I'm not angry, then I can use that break to find a more effective solution than spanking.
Well, that was simply and perfecly put.

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I have seen the wording "get onto him" used several times. I'm not sure what is meant by this? Is it physical or just a way to phase something and if so what.
I was wondering this as well!
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