The spanking debate.

[leyash]

I can see why this would be a hot topic, lol. It's almost like the ones of us that spank are known as being horrible people that abuse our children, lol.

Oh well.

[Kiliki]

I was spanked sometimes when I got really out of control. I have no issues with it, I love my parents dearly, I have never, ever been in a physical altercation - ever - even in my school years.

I spank my kids the same way I was spanked - when they get out of control.

I don't feel bad about it and don't care what other people think about it, or what others do with their own kids. It is legal in my state and I feel well within my parental rights.

Some people who spank DO abuse their children, sadly. But not every parent who uses spanking is abusive. Spanking got a bad name because of the idiot parents who literally BEAT their kids and then called it a "spanking".

Spanking for us is an open hand on a bottom or a thigh.

Growing up, I watched my Aunt mercilessly "spank" my cousins with a HUGE paddle that had holes drilled into it. They had it hanging on the wall in the hallway, and when they were about to get it, they had to go get it off the wall and take it to her. Then she made them strip naked before she beat them, too - to add to their humiliation. They were black and blue for days afterward. It was AWFUL. THAT is abusive.

Someone who thinks a swat on the bum for a kid who is out of control is abuse, is someone who has never seen or experienced TRUE abuse, IMO.

I don't care what you (general) think about spanking, but please, don't call it abuse. Maybe something you don't agree with, maybe something you hate, maybe something you don't find effective, or don't use, or find violent, whatever - but when you call it "abuse" you detract from REAL abuse that actually happens - parents locking kids in closets, starving them, shoving them in a shower of hot, scalding water, stripping them naked and beating them.... etc.

[sojomisa]

We don't spank. I find it unnecessary, there are other ways to get my point across.

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by leyash I can see why this would be a hot topic, lol. It's almost like the ones of us that spank are known as being horrible people that abuse our children, lol. Oh well.

exactly. LOL.

"You're abusive!" .....

"Wait, no! I'm a good mom!"

"ABUSER!!!!"

"...noooooooo... I LOVE my kids!"

"You HATE your kids with the wrath of a million scorned women."

"No.... I.... "

[s@hmommy]

I think it is effective for some children and not so much for others.
as of right now our kids only get spanked if they do something that puts them into immediate danger. Dd and ds have been spanked for running from me in a parking lot, that is the first and last time they did it.

ETA- I was spanked as a child and am unaffected by it.

[leyash]

Originally Posted by Kiliki exactly. LOL. "You're abusive!" ..... "Wait, no! I'm a good mom!" "ABUSER!!!!" "...noooooooo... I LOVE my kids!" "You HATE your kids with the wrath of a million scorned women." "No.... I.... "

Yeah. It's okay. I'll go ahead and stop spanking my children.

When they are 15, and breaking into your car, you're going to WISH I would have beat their @$$es. Just saying.

ETA: I had to use "beat their ____" because it just seems appropriate. Being an abuser and all.

[leyash]

In all seriousness, I was spanked as a kid. When I was spanked, it was appropriate. My parents told me beforehand why I was getting a spanking. I understood, I dealt with my punishment, and I am a much better person for it.

I've NEVER been into a fight. I've never been arrested. I've gotten one speeding ticket my entire life. I abide by all laws, and I am a contributing member to society.

It didn't hurt me, because it was done appropriately.

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by leyash In all seriousness, I was spanked as a kid. When I was spanked, it was appropriate. My parents told me beforehand why I was getting a spanking. I understood, I dealt with my punishment, and I am a much better person for it. I've NEVER been into a fight. I've never been arrested. I've gotten one speeding ticket my entire life. I abide by all laws, and I am a contributing member to society. It didn't hurt me, because it was done appropriately.

I agree. This was my experience as well.

My mom gave me plenty of warnings. Her final warning would be "If you do that again, I am going to spank you." And I knew she meant it.

I was a stubborn little thing, so I almost always did it again, just to see if I could push her buttons. 99% of the time, I got the spanking I deserved. The other 1%, I didn't get caught. LOL.

I got spanked when I was just blatantly outright defiant, or seriously throwing a major out-of-control fit, thrashing around, and not listening to their attempts to get me to chill out. A quick smack to my butt/thigh snapped me right up.

The rest of the time when I was bad, I was talked to, reasoned with, put in time out, lost privileges, etc.

I do the same with my kids and they seem to be coming along fine. We really don't spank often, but we DO spank. And I personally believe it is effective when used appropriately, and for the right situations. Typically, we use natural consequences, though, as we find those to work best, except for extreme situations where there is nothing else working.

[lil'mommakaye]

I do have to say that yeah, sometimes my dad got out of control with his serious Irish temper, 9 kids destroying his house and compleatly out of hand. We were CRAZY. My dad worked ft for my mom could stay home. I'm sure he'd had enough. It didn't help though, I ended up running away and having a baby at 15/16. I love my folks eventhough I don't agree with a lot of what they did. I forgive them.

[lil'mommakaye]

Originally Posted by Kiliki I agree. This was my experience as well. My mom gave me plenty of warnings. Her final warning would be "If you do that again, I am going to spank you." And I knew she meant it. I was a stubborn little thing, so I almost always did it again, just to see if I could push her buttons. 99% of the time, I get the spanking I deserved. The other 1%, I didn't get caught. LOL. I got spanked when I was just blatantly outright defiant, or seriously throwing a major out-of-control fit, thrashing around, and not listening to their attempts to get me to chill out. A quick smack to my butt/thigh snapped me right up. The rest of the time when I was bad, I was talked to, reasoned with, put in time out, lost privileges, etc. I do the same with my kids and they seem to be coming along fine. We really don't spank often, but we DO spank. And I personally believe it is effective when used appropriately, and for the right situations. Typically, we use natural consequences, though, as we find those to work best, except for extreme situations where there is nothing else working.

There is that fine line some people don't see or understand about spanking. my parents crossed that line imo. My ds will only comply in an out right tantrum if I remove him from the situation and place him alone, if that don't work a spanking will. Luckily I've only had to less then a hand full of times in his life, he knows it breaks my heart to, ( that's why dh usually does it)