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Old 01-20-2013, 08:43 AM   #21
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Re: WYD- In Laws and House Down Payment

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Perhaps they see they treated you poorly and would like to make amends? You are using harsh words to characterize a situation you aren't in. They offered it to your husband. Perhaps it's his inheritance. After everything you went through, as long as they don't demand a key at closing, why not let him take the help.
$50,000 is an awful big "I'm sorry". Obviously we are only hearing one side of the story so that is all we can comment on. But I completely understand the money dangling and guilt tripping as some in my family are the same way. I would run as far away from that money as you can. I can already picture them playing nice until you are completely moved in and settled. Then the uninvited visits will begin....extra keys will be asked for or made....constant reminders of what they did for you, the list goes on and on.

If it was an inheritance then both her and her DH can sit down with the IL's and discuss things. I doubt that's the case though. And if they truly want to make amends, they don't need $50k, or even a penny, to do so.

Nothing in life is truly free. Mama, you just have to decide if $50k and getting into a house faster is worth the (potentially insane) price.

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Old 01-20-2013, 09:14 AM   #22
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Re: WYD- In Laws and House Down Payment

How much did you pay off on their mortgage over the 4 year period? and what was the total value of the upgrades you made to their home?

Perhaps they are paying you back roughly what they "owe" you. BECAUSE you paid their bills I think I see this differently then most people. If you aren't comfortable taking the "whole" amount. Caculate what you paid to them over the years - minus the amount you would have paid in rent + what you spent to update their house and never got re-paid on = accept the balance as them paying you back. If they try to guilt you ever about it you have solid proof that they just payed you back what they took from you. Then you are still 100% standing on your own two feet - you are just taking back what is rightfully yours.

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Old 01-20-2013, 10:13 AM   #23
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I would not take the money. Unless it is something very important - a matter of health or real emergency - I don't take money. It's not worth it.
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Old 01-20-2013, 10:19 AM   #24
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Re: WYD- In Laws and House Down Payment

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How much did you pay off on their mortgage over the 4 year period? and what was the total value of the upgrades you made to their home?

Perhaps they are paying you back roughly what they "owe" you. BECAUSE you paid their bills I think I see this differently then most people. If you aren't comfortable taking the "whole" amount. Caculate what you paid to them over the years - minus the amount you would have paid in rent + what you spent to update their house and never got re-paid on = accept the balance as them paying you back. If they try to guilt you ever about it you have solid proof that they just payed you back what they took from you. Then you are still 100% standing on your own two feet - you are just taking back what is rightfully yours.
I think that's a great idea!
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Old 01-20-2013, 10:23 AM   #25
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Re: WYD- In Laws and House Down Payment

Quote:
Originally Posted by danner View Post
Perhaps they see they treated you poorly and would like to make amends? You are using harsh words to characterize a situation you aren't in. They offered it to your husband. Perhaps it's his inheritance. After everything you went through, as long as they don't demand a key at closing, why not let him take the help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom1mg View Post
How much did you pay off on their mortgage over the 4 year period? and what was the total value of the upgrades you made to their home?

Perhaps they are paying you back roughly what they "owe" you. BECAUSE you paid their bills I think I see this differently then most people. If you aren't comfortable taking the "whole" amount. Caculate what you paid to them over the years - minus the amount you would have paid in rent + what you spent to update their house and never got re-paid on = accept the balance as them paying you back. If they try to guilt you ever about it you have solid proof that they just payed you back what they took from you. Then you are still 100% standing on your own two feet - you are just taking back what is rightfully yours.
I agree with both of these points.
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Old 01-20-2013, 10:50 AM   #26
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Re: WYD- In Laws and House Down Payment

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Originally Posted by mom1mg View Post
How much did you pay off on their mortgage over the 4 year period? and what was the total value of the upgrades you made to their home?

Perhaps they are paying you back roughly what they "owe" you. BECAUSE you paid their bills I think I see this differently then most people. If you aren't comfortable taking the "whole" amount. Caculate what you paid to them over the years - minus the amount you would have paid in rent + what you spent to update their house and never got re-paid on = accept the balance as them paying you back. If they try to guilt you ever about it you have solid proof that they just payed you back what they took from you. Then you are still 100% standing on your own two feet - you are just taking back what is rightfully yours.
Very good point! That is probably the only condition under which I'd accept money from them.
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Old 01-20-2013, 11:56 AM   #27
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Re: WYD- In Laws and House Down Payment

This is going to sound bad... but.. how old are they? Any chance they will die sooner rather than later?

I'm just thinking 50k is a lot of money and if you only have to put up with them another few years it might be worth it!! On the other hand, I suppose your husband would inherit it then anyway.

If this were me, and this would make a significant difference to my kids' lives, I would swallow my pride and take it and just put up with them. Once you have it they actually can't do anything you don't let them do. They can say silly things but you're an adult and you can ignore them. But I'd get it in writing that it is a gift and not a loan. My bank needed that when we got our mortgage anyway (we had a small inheritance and had to prove grandma wasn't going to want it back).
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Old 01-20-2013, 12:03 PM   #28
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This money doesn't sound like a gift to me. From what you are saying about them it sounds like there are strings attached and if you do accept this money you may seriously regret it. I probably wouldn't even want to calculate what you spent on their home, I'd just want to cut all financial/housing ties with them and be done with it.

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Old 01-20-2013, 12:06 PM   #29
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Re: WYD- In Laws and House Down Payment

I want to know more about the situation in which the money was offered. How on earth did it come up in the first place? Did your DH give all the deets?
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Old 01-20-2013, 12:54 PM   #30
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This money doesn't sound like a gift to me. From what you are saying about them it sounds like there are strings attached and if you do accept this money you may seriously regret it. I probably wouldn't even want to calculate what you spent on their home, I'd just want to cut all financial/housing ties with them and be done with it.

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I agree with this.

Personally, I don't like the to mix money and family very much. It always feels awkward to me.
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