WYD- In Laws and House Down Payment

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

dhs dad paid for our down payment and paid off dhs car loan (like 17k total for the 2) we send them money when we can but theyve never made it out like it was a loan. we're just grateful for their help. dh says they have helped out his stepmother kids and dh has never gotten any help so he felt fine accepting,

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

Originally Posted by yankeesundbound There are federal requirements regarding using gift money for down payments, depending on the type of mortgage. We are dealing with that right now. Inlaws just gave us 20k, and for a conventional loan it has to sit in our account for 2 months so it can be counted as personal funds, because gift money is not allowed. For FHA you can use gifts, but must present a gift letter and donor bank account info. My inlaws were not happy with that last part, so we are having to wait the two months to use it. So frustrating.

we didnt. i just had to fax over a form for fil to sign stating it was a gift. we closed our house in 30 days no problem

[essential1892]

I really wish my in-laws were the type to just give as a nice thing to do, but unfortunately they like to feel like people need them and use money to control.

We are not going to take the money, but man- would it make our lives easier. If we were in a horrible living situation right now and the money would greatly improve my kids' lives, then I would take the money in a heartbeat. We are living in a nice town with excellent schools and renting a townhouse- it is a little small for a family of five but it is clean and safe. Out living situation is not what I imagined for us but it is still good and I am grateful that we can still pay all of our bills.

What truely makes me happy is that my DH is onboard with not accepting their help. Before this whole falling out happened he saw nothing wrong with his parent trying to control us with money and now he sees that the giving always had strings attached.

We are going to buy a home someday and it will feel great when we do. Until then we will rent and keep trying to dig ourselves out of the hole that past events have gotten us into. And the totally snarky, spiteful person that I can be when someone does me and my kids wrong will love the thought that my in-laws will finally realize that yes, my DH and I can do it on our own and on our terms.

Maybe someday my relationship with my in-laws will be repaired but only if my FIL starts to take his medication again and realizes that his behavior has pushed his entire family away (no one talks to him anymore).

[essential1892]

Originally Posted by mom1mg How much did you pay off on their mortgage over the 4 year period? and what was the total value of the upgrades you made to their home? Perhaps they are paying you back roughly what they "owe" you. BECAUSE you paid their bills I think I see this differently then most people. If you aren't comfortable taking the "whole" amount. Caculate what you paid to them over the years - minus the amount you would have paid in rent + what you spent to update their house and never got re-paid on = accept the balance as them paying you back. If they try to guilt you ever about it you have solid proof that they just payed you back what they took from you. Then you are still 100% standing on your own two feet - you are just taking back what is rightfully yours.

In paying the mortgage alone it was at least $45,000. It would be too depressing to add up everything else.

I am trying to look at is as if we were just renting from them though as to not get upset at what we spent. They are paying for the brand new fridge we put in 2 months before we moved though- I put my foot down about that.