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Old 01-23-2013, 10:36 AM   #1
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Lying manipulative one year old....

I'm actually mostly impressed that she can think like that.

But, I have to change it...she can't keep framing other kids for something they didn't do. She can't even talk yet.

For the past few weeks, she will come to me fake crying. She shows me her hand or her elbow and points to one of the other kids. Then, in her babble, tells me they hit her, or grabbed her. But, I watch them, and they didn't do that. She's making up stories.

Her most popular one, is to start screaming, crying, flop backwards, then point at a toy someone has...she wants me to believe they took it from her and pushed her down.

Today, if someone tries to play next to her, she screams, and then throws herself sideways and acts like they pushed her. But, she's only 14 months old, so she's not a good actor yet. (she's getting better) She can't realize that I can SEE it before she does it, so I already know what really happened.

I know I need a way to shut this down. I don't play into it, but it's escalating. I don't fall for it, I don't go along with it....nothing.

On the other hand, it amuses me and impresses me to no end. I mean she's actually thinking, plotting, manipulating and carrying out her plan. At 14 months. I kind of love that!

How can I shut this down, while still preserving her special skills?

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Old 01-23-2013, 10:39 AM   #2
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Re: Lying manipulative one year old....

I used to just look at my son and shake my head while saying, "No." Not mean, but not paying anymore attention than that. It took about a week for him to stop, but DH and I always had to turn around because we were laughing so hard Toddlers are SO much smarter than we think!
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:32 AM   #3
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Re: Lying manipulative one year old....

Wow, my daughter is the same age and I don't think she could think of doing that. She does get mad and throw her toys when they "hurt" her. And she's already getting the other kids in trouble at meal time by being silly and they copy her. But, that's kids pretty smart, a little too smart. Perhaps she's escalating to try to get it to work. If you keep on ignoring it maybe she'll give up.
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:42 AM   #4
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Re: Lying manipulative one year old....

Maybe get her some puppets and wooden puzzles and things like that in order to keep that sharp little mind going. But try to ignore the obvious manipulation.

She sounds.... Amusing! Perhaps you are taking care of a future Oscar winner!
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:54 AM   #5
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Re: Lying manipulative one year old....

wow I agree that is impressive! I also agree to keep ignoring it a while longer and see if she drops it.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:40 PM   #6
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Re: Lying manipulative one year old....

Quote:
Originally Posted by escapethevillage View Post
Her most popular one, is to start screaming, crying, flop backwards, then point at a toy someone has...she wants me to believe they took it from her and pushed her down.
I'm wondering if maybe you're misreading some of this a little bit. She's obviously very clever and adept at communicating for her age, but for example, with this one (above) I would probably interpret that as just being upset that another child has a toy she wants, not implying that they took it.

It seems everything I read about the psychology of young children says that most of the time parents falsely believe small children are manipulating them, when really they are acting more primally in self-interest. For example, a toddler who repeatedly throws a cup on the floor and then cries to get it back is not "testing" the parent-- she is just fascinated by her own newly-discovered ability to make things happen.

That said, I'm at a bit more of a loss about the faked injury scenario. Maybe she is imitating an older child? Really the point is moot because I agree with others who say just ignore it for awhile, don't react, and see if she just gives it up when it doesn't get attention.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:55 PM   #7
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Re: Lying manipulative one year old....

Quote:
Originally Posted by marenmccoy View Post
I'm wondering if maybe you're misreading some of this a little bit. She's obviously very clever and adept at communicating for her age, but for example, with this one (above) I would probably interpret that as just being upset that another child has a toy she wants, not implying that they took it.

It seems everything I read about the psychology of young children says that most of the time parents falsely believe small children are manipulating them, when really they are acting more primally in self-interest. For example, a toddler who repeatedly throws a cup on the floor and then cries to get it back is not "testing" the parent-- she is just fascinated by her own newly-discovered ability to make things happen.

That said, I'm at a bit more of a loss about the faked injury scenario. Maybe she is imitating an older child? Really the point is moot because I agree with others who say just ignore it for awhile, don't react, and see if she just gives it up when it doesn't get attention.


The fake injury could simply be her remembering a genuine injury and the sympathy received in reponse to her pain.

My son has been cutting all 4 of his eye teeth all at the same time. They hurt him badly enough he would wake up grabbing his mouth. Realizing the pain in his mouth was generating sympathy resulting in a few extra indulgences he now grabs his mouth in pretense of pain thinking to garner our sympathy and receive whatever he is being denied.
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Old 01-23-2013, 01:23 PM   #8
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Re: Lying manipulative one year old....

Quote:
Originally Posted by marenmccoy View Post
I'm wondering if maybe you're misreading some of this a little bit. She's obviously very clever and adept at communicating for her age, but for example, with this one (above) I would probably interpret that as just being upset that another child has a toy she wants, not implying that they took it.

It seems everything I read about the psychology of young children says that most of the time parents falsely believe small children are manipulating them, when really they are acting more primally in self-interest. For example, a toddler who repeatedly throws a cup on the floor and then cries to get it back is not "testing" the parent-- she is just fascinated by her own newly-discovered ability to make things happen.

That said, I'm at a bit more of a loss about the faked injury scenario. Maybe she is imitating an older child? Really the point is moot because I agree with others who say just ignore it for awhile, don't react, and see if she just gives it up when it doesn't get attention.
Normally, i'd agree somewhat. I do think most psychologists underestimate small children. But, roughly, that would be true.

Except this child honestly is trying to frame her friends. (and brother) Her acting is just bad enough that I can tell it's planned. She does want the toy, so she's trying to make me think that she had it, and they took it.

She seriously just wants them to get in trouble, or an "awww... did you get knocked down...poor baby!!" from me. She messes with her Dad too...When He comes to pick them up, she pretends she's never seen him before... runs away, screams and hides, but when he follows her, she eventually laughs and makes sure he can catch her. If he doesn't try to catch her, she keeps trying until he chases her. He can never leave my house without a game of "I'mgonna GETCHYOU!"
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Old 01-23-2013, 01:26 PM   #9
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Does she have brothers and sisters at home? I would make sure all is good there first and maybe ask the parent if she does this at home. I'd guess either someone is doing this to get her in trouble, or she does this at home to get siblings in trouble and it works!

Given that she is so young, I think I might play along... Kind of. I would be really over-dramatic but leave the other kids out of it. Like... "Oh, you poor thing! Your elbow is hurt? Oh, maybe you need to rest. You can sit over here and rest until you feel better." Maybe even give her a cuddle toy or an ice bag or something. Then put her in a spot away from other kids and walk away giving her no more attention about it.

Or the more conventional route... "Nope. (shaking head) That's not true. Joey didn't take your toy. Are you thinking you want to play with that toy? That toy is busy right now, maybe later. Let's pick something else for you to play with now."

When you have time later, I would grab some dolls or something and act out some of the scenarios that she is lying about with you. Like, have the doll push the other doll down and take his toy. Comfort the doll and shame the other one. See if she is into it.

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Old 01-23-2013, 02:28 PM   #10
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How interesting. Sorry I don't have anything to add, just that it's pretty impressive.
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