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Old 11-11-2013, 07:24 AM   #1
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My partner was adopted, and this is his first child!

He always mentioned how being adopted affected him, so he's really excited to have a child of his own, sometimes I feel almost guilty that it's with me, cause I think I take my own childhood for granted... Any advice on how to support him even though I've never been in his situation?

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Old 11-11-2013, 12:17 PM   #2
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Re: My partner was adopted, and this is his first child!

So he was adopted and you are expecting your first child together? Did he have a bad childhood? Just trying to make sense of your question. I can see how having a biological connection for the first time can be special, but many children who are adopted have had wonderful childhoods. I guess it depends on bad being he was in and out of the foster care system or bad as in his adoptive parents were closed about adoptive issues or just bad parents in general which does happen, unfortunately.

Sorry. Just trying to figure out your question. Not sure there are any adoptees on here. At least none that post regularly. Most of us are adoptive parents, foster parents and/or in the process to be one and/or the other.
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Old 11-12-2013, 12:22 AM   #3
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Re: My partner was adopted, and this is his first child!

My husband was adopted, and he didn't have an unhappy childhood, but he does have a different appreciation of the bio connection to our children than I do. I just try to respect his feelings and understand that he's coming from a different place than I am. We are both equally excited about both our bio and foster children.
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Old 11-12-2013, 02:24 PM   #4
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Re: My partner was adopted, and this is his first child!

He had a decent upbringing. But he always felt disconnected from his adoptive parents. More his own issues than his parents. But I guess I was trying to get clues into how he's feeling (although I do ask him)... but the kinda stuff he wouldn't say.
I re-read my own question and can see that it may not be put in the best context.
I just wanted to know if anyone else has been the supportive wife of an adopted individual who has issues regarding their adoption and are now expecting.
Maybe it's only insight I'm after lol
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Old 11-12-2013, 03:40 PM   #5
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Not exactly the same, but I was adopted as an infant (closed adoption) and now have a bio child. My upbringing was relatively happy as a child, followed by serious drama as a teen and young adult (my brother has issues).
I always assumed that I would want to know more about my bio mom, have questions, think about her once I was pg/had kids... Nada. My mom was apparently thinking about my bio mom the entire time I was in labor though. We arent close btw.
What I do think about: my lack of family medical history, I have no clue if DD resembles my bio parents at all. Everything thats not clearly ME is given to be a DH family trait. And when DD was an infant there were a few months of thinking "this is the age I was when I left bio mom. Oh GOD how could I do that now?" Do you know how old DH was?
Given my particular situation, I think my issues will show up with #2.
I would say just casually bring it up here and there and see if/ how he responds? Sometimes it's weird to me when other ppl want to make a big deal about it. But make it subtly clear that you are willing to listen?
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Old 11-14-2013, 08:17 AM   #6
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thank you Dottie for your story... it was very touching. he was still an infant, and I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him, but he did have major issues with his birth, so I was trying to get him to send the papers away to open the case. Just so we can find out the medical history, he also expressed an interest in finding his bio mom previously. so I thought now would be a good time. it's just a subject I know nothing about and I don't want to accidentally trip anything for him. so I'll take your advice into serious consideration and walk softly.
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Old 11-16-2013, 08:38 AM   #7
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Re: My partner was adopted, and this is his first child!

You are a good wife to be so sensitive to his feeling about this subject. Most men would not express concerns even if they had them.
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