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Old 01-18-2013, 03:57 PM   #1
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Fostering babies and tots

I was hoping some of you more experienced mamas and dads could tell me about your experience(s) fostering babies and toddlers.

Ie:
How long were they with you?
What are some of the challenges you faced when bringing the into your home?
Any conflict with children already present in the home?
Ever turn down a baby or toddler?

Thanks in advance!

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Old 01-19-2013, 01:46 PM   #2
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Re: Fostering babies and tots

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Originally Posted by BabyNMe_101 View Post
I was hoping some of you more experienced mamas and dads could tell me about your experience(s) fostering babies and toddlers.

Ie:
How long were they with you?
What are some of the challenges you faced when bringing the into your home?
Any conflict with children already present in the home?
Ever turn down a baby or toddler?

Thanks in advance!
1. 3.5 months, 6 days, 6 weeks, 1 month and 4.5 months+ (still here)
2. Well, that would be a book, but really no conflicts with other family members. They were all under a year old though. My youngest was mildly jealous with our first placement. He was 2.5 at the time. Our biggest issues have been with the "system" as a whole, lack of communication and then dealing with withdrawal issues from different substances.
3. Nope, but again all ours have been under a year old and my boys love babies especially now when they're all not babies themselves anymore.
4. Yes. I've turned down a few. Even more so I've had placements I agreed to take never materialize.
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Old 01-21-2013, 11:10 AM   #3
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Re: Fostering babies and tots

Our first placement~Baby Boy was 8 months the day we picked him up from the shelter. They told us that he would avoid eye contact and didn't like to be held, and that he COULD NOT SIT UP! They were adamant about him not sitting up, judging from the big bump on his head I guess someone there thought he could and tried. We were able to establish eye contact and he really gravitated toward my oldest son. He was super easy going, slept through the night the first night on and ever since. We did a few sessions of therapy, but by the time most of appointments rolled around he was hitting his goals. He is now perfectly normal and on age with everything. He is an absolute doll. His parents had another baby a couple months back, we picked her up directly from the hospital at 2 days old. I was worried because they couldn't tell us how her drug screen had come out, but mom did have some drugs show. We knew she had taken some pain meds off and on during pg, but she must have not had too much?? Baby girl was also very easy going, and developed normally~so far. My kids LOVE these babies. That brings us to the hardest thing. We know these two angels will go to adoption, but unfortunately we do not have any indian in us that we can prove and these babies are both part of the Cherokee Nation in OK and as such they will not be permitted to be adopted in a non indian home. I understand why they do this, I just wish they would try to help the parents out and stop these cases from ever happening, or why do they let regular DHS take care of these babies until time to adopt and then all of a sudden our home would not be good enough. And yet we are so bonded, it is going to hurt like HECK! ***But we do have some good news, and that is that we have a couple in our church who are Cherokee and have already adopted two children (6 years ago) from Cherokee/DHS set up like this and they would love to adopt again. Then at least we can still be a part of their lives and know that they are going to be in a wonderful, loving home and we can be Auntie/Uncle and cousins to them. I know it is going to hurt, but I would do it all over again in a heart beat. I know that it will all work out, and it is probably better that they are indian and we can't adopt... hubby and I are not doing well, and I know that our marriage is headed to divorce and I wouldn't want to subject these babies to that.. They will be in a wonderful home with two parents who have always wanted to do the baby stage and now they will get to.. all will be blessed.
Oh and by the way, my bio kids are 14, 12, 7, & soon to be 6. Baby boy is 16 months and baby girl is almost 3 months. We are hoping to start the transitioning soon to their adoptive home. That will be hard, lots of tears I am sure...
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Old 01-21-2013, 03:24 PM   #4
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Re: Fostering babies and tots

Thank you for your responses! We are looking to go the foster-to-adopt route and I'm gathering stories and advice.
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Old 01-21-2013, 04:45 PM   #5
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Re: Fostering babies and tots

Do you know if your area has a specific foster to adopt program? Many do not and have switched to concurrent planning which means you support reunification along with being the adoptive resource if child cannot be reunified and family cannot take them. The only places I know that have true foster to adopt programs (which are when the child is already on the adoption path but parents' rights are not officially terminated) are CA and maybe TX? There could be some in other places, but CA is one place I know has this. Wish we had it here! After having five placements and very much wanting to adopt, it's tough.
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Old 01-21-2013, 07:06 PM   #6
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Re: Fostering babies and tots

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Originally Posted by ihvnangel View Post
Our first placement~Baby Boy was 8 months the day we picked him up from the shelter. They told us that he would avoid eye contact and didn't like to be held, and that he COULD NOT SIT UP! They were adamant about him not sitting up, judging from the big bump on his head I guess someone there thought he could and tried. We were able to establish eye contact and he really gravitated toward my oldest son. He was super easy going, slept through the night the first night on and ever since. We did a few sessions of therapy, but by the time most of appointments rolled around he was hitting his goals. He is now perfectly normal and on age with everything. He is an absolute doll. His parents had another baby a couple months back, we picked her up directly from the hospital at 2 days old. I was worried because they couldn't tell us how her drug screen had come out, but mom did have some drugs show. We knew she had taken some pain meds off and on during pg, but she must have not had too much?? Baby girl was also very easy going, and developed normally~so far. My kids LOVE these babies. That brings us to the hardest thing. We know these two angels will go to adoption, but unfortunately we do not have any indian in us that we can prove and these babies are both part of the Cherokee Nation in OK and as such they will not be permitted to be adopted in a non indian home. I understand why they do this, I just wish they would try to help the parents out and stop these cases from ever happening, or why do they let regular DHS take care of these babies until time to adopt and then all of a sudden our home would not be good enough. And yet we are so bonded, it is going to hurt like HECK! ***But we do have some good news, and that is that we have a couple in our church who are Cherokee and have already adopted two children (6 years ago) from Cherokee/DHS set up like this and they would love to adopt again. Then at least we can still be a part of their lives and know that they are going to be in a wonderful, loving home and we can be Auntie/Uncle and cousins to them. I know it is going to hurt, but I would do it all over again in a heart beat. I know that it will all work out, and it is probably better that they are indian and we can't adopt... hubby and I are not doing well, and I know that our marriage is headed to divorce and I wouldn't want to subject these babies to that.. They will be in a wonderful home with two parents who have always wanted to do the baby stage and now they will get to.. all will be blessed.
Oh and by the way, my bio kids are 14, 12, 7, & soon to be 6. Baby boy is 16 months and baby girl is almost 3 months. We are hoping to start the transitioning soon to their adoptive home. That will be hard, lots of tears I am sure...
I couldn't read this and not

I have a Cherokee CDIB card, live in OK and have considered fostering/adopting, although i freely admit i have never gone beyond "thinking about it." I didn't realize there was so much tribal involvement..... I wish you and those little ones peace through your process
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Old 01-21-2013, 07:43 PM   #7
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Re: Fostering babies and tots

I am also doing foster to adopt with my hubby. He is a social worker for the state, so we understand the process pretty well. I would love to connect with some other soon to be foster mamas.
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Old 01-21-2013, 07:45 PM   #8
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Re: Fostering babies and tots

Oh, and we live in MA and they have a fairly good true foster to adopt program. All adoptions in MA have to go through an agency, even if it's a state/foster adoption, so we have an agency social worker and a state social worker. Any child that gets placed with us is already on the adoption track, which means that the concurrent planning is over. However, it does not mean that parental rights have been terminated, etc. It definitely gets a little tricky....
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Old 01-21-2013, 08:29 PM   #9
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Re: Fostering babies and tots

Yeah, it's the concurrent thing by us, but I really want to aim to adopt.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:42 AM   #10
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Yes, we are absolutely aiming to adopt. What state are you in? Do you have any other kids?

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