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Old 08-23-2012, 10:18 AM   #1
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A vent of sorts, also need opinions home birth vs unassisted vs hospital

So I'm 19 weeks pregnant with #2. We had an amazing home birth with DD and were hoping for the same thing this time. The problem is the drive to the midwives we used with DD is 2 hours one way, so we decided to interview the three midwives closer to our home (all about 45minutes-1hour drive one way). Two were way out of our price range and the third offered a sliding scale fee that we can manage (we have insurance and they are saying they will reimburse us for the home birth, but we still have to come up with the funds initially). So we went with the one with the sliding fee scale despite some initial bumps with her (she forgot and didn't show up to the first scheduled meeting, couldn't reach her by phone, waited for well over an hour hoping she'd show and then drove the hour back home; she called and apologized, rescheduled that meeting then on the day of the rescheduled meeting called 2 hours before it and canceled, she gave one reason initially then changed the reason later, so I was annoyed; finally met with her, but she was an hour late to that meeting and we had to sit around and wait for her) and figured things happen, we'd get comfortable with her. But I just couldn't get comfortable, she was late to our second appointment, then I found out that even though her paperwork and website says she does in office lab work she doesn't any more because she lost her lab priveleges a year ago. That was pretty much the end for me and I wanted out, DH convinced me to give it one more appointment to see if we clicked and we just don't, I just can't trust her, so I told her how I felt uncomfortable and we would be switching.
Now here is the thing, our only options at this point are the midwives we had with DD who I love, but they are 2 hours away and I will have to make the trip alone with DD since DH can't get off work for the times they do appointments. Then there is our local hospital. We (I) could just suck it up and have the baby there, or we could use them for prenatal care and just fail to go to the hospital when I go into labor (so unassisted). DH is kind of uncomfortable with the unassisted idea but I find it really tempting since our insurance will pay it 100% and it's only a 5 minute drive. I can't seem to decide between unassisted or the midwives we had with DD. if it weren't for the drive I wouldn't hesitate to go with the midwives, but that drive with my car hating DD...I just don't know.
So what would you do if you were in this spot? DH is no help, he just tells me to do whatever I want but I really could use some input.
Thanks ladies, sorry this is so long.

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Old 08-23-2012, 10:22 AM   #2
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Re: A vent of sorts, also need opinions home birth vs unassisted vs hospital

In your spot I'd do my own prenatal care, read all about birth and birth at home unassisted. I have done so 7 times planned.
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Old 08-23-2012, 11:50 AM   #3
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Re: A vent of sorts, also need opinions home birth vs unassisted vs hospital

Is it possible to do prenatal care with the hospital, and in the last month switch care to the MW that you love? Would she be willing to do that? That way you could get the prenatal care that you should be getting, but save time and $ on the 2 hour drives. That's what I would try to do anyway, but if you do be sure you communicate your intentions, especially with the MW so she knows to expect you around your due date. The idea of unassisted scares me, but then again I'm only preparing for my first (home) birth and don't know what to expect.
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:45 PM   #4
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Yes what the pp said. I'm doing all my prenatal care with local midwives ( free standing center) until about 28 weeks. Then switching to my hb midwife who is 2 hours away. That way I get all the testing and ultrasounds I want to have done, and the birth experience I want. She is also charging half her normal fee because of this arrangement and my insurance covers my birth center appts. Win/win!

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Old 08-23-2012, 03:51 PM   #5
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Re: A vent of sorts, also need opinions home birth vs unassisted vs hospital

This is similar to our situation, and I chose to go to a local dr for prenatal care and the UC at home. I would do my own prenatal care but dh isn't so comfortable with that, so it is my compromise...
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Old 08-24-2012, 05:29 AM   #6
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Re: A vent of sorts, also need opinions home birth vs unassisted vs hospital

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In your spot I'd do my own prenatal care, read all about birth and birth at home unassisted. I have done so 7 times planned.
How do you do your own prenatal care? I have ad a lot of books and I took a class to become a doula so I do have knowledge of birth and all, but could you recommend some books? Also I have seen you posting before and just want to say that I find it ally inspiring that you have uc'd so many of your babies! You are one strong mama!

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Is it possible to do prenatal care with the hospital, and in the last month switch care to the MW that you love? Would she be willing to do that? That way you could get the prenatal care that you should be getting, but save time and $ on the 2 hour drives. That's what I would try to do anyway, but if you do be sure you communicate your intentions, especially with the MW so she knows to expect you around your due date. The idea of unassisted scares me, but then again I'm only preparing for my first (home) birth and don't know what to expect.
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Originally Posted by lilbitcrunchy View Post
Yes what the pp said. I'm doing all my prenatal care with local midwives ( free standing center) until about 28 weeks. Then switching to my hb midwife who is 2 hours away. That way I get all the testing and ultrasounds I want to have done, and the birth experience I want. She is also charging half her normal fee because of this arrangement and my insurance covers my birth center appts. Win/win!

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I can ask, but I don't think they will go for it unfortuanately. but it doesn't hurt to ask I suppose!

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This is similar to our situation, and I chose to go to a local dr for prenatal care and the UC at home. I would do my own prenatal care but dh isn't so comfortable with that, so it is my compromise...
Sorry you are in a similar situation. I'm leaning heavily towards the local on for prenatal care and uc at home too. I just need DH to be comfortable with it too.
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Old 08-24-2012, 03:10 PM   #7
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Re: A vent of sorts, also need opinions home birth vs unassisted vs hospital

Is there a birth center closer to you than the midwives you love?

If not.. then I personally would switch to an OB for prenatal care, and just call the local midwife to come assist you when you go into labor. I know you don't trust her for regular care as she has proven several times to be unreliable, but if you're using her JUST to "catch" your baby and JUST to be there IN CASE of an emergency, is that a compromise you could do?

If not, I would labor at home as long as possible and then go to the hospital, making sure that everyone there knows what kind of natural birth you want. I personally would not be comfortable doing an unassisted home birth. Too many things can go wrong, and I'd feel better knowing that IF something were to go wrong, that there was someone there trained to know the signs and do what needed to be done.

So, those are the compromises that I personally would make in your situation.

Good luck!
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Old 08-25-2012, 09:27 AM   #8
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Re: A vent of sorts, also need opinions home birth vs unassisted vs hospital

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How do you do your own prenatal care? I have ad a lot of books and I took a class to become a doula so I do have knowledge of birth and all, but could you recommend some books? Also I have seen you posting before and just want to say that I find it ally inspiring that you have uc'd so many of your babies! You are one strong mama!
I used the pages from Heart and Hands. I start at 12 weeks. Do weight and HB w/ a doppler or wait until later w/ a fetescope. At 20 I start fundal height and start logging baby's position at 32 weeks. I also write down what herbs at vitamins I am taking.
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Old 08-25-2012, 01:33 PM   #9
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Re: A vent of sorts, also need opinions home birth vs unassisted vs hospital

I have the option of a hospital birth locally, UB, or travelling for my prenatals and having MW travel here for birth. This is my third HB with that MW. I love the support I get from her and I love my HB, which are practically UA, but she is there.
In the past three births, I have had times when it was financially difficult to go every 4 wks, then 2, ect. So we did every 5-6 wks, then 3, then 1 at the last two appts. MAybe your MW group would be comfy with this type of arrangement? Are there any mamas/friends whom you could swap child care with once a month so you could go alone? Or take a friend with you to help with DD and make it a fun trip? I've done that on ocassion as well. I have 4 children that I leave with a friend for the day (we homeschool so it is all 4) and we swap and I wathc her kids when she wants a break for a day or has plans, ect.
Just some ideas!
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Old 08-25-2012, 02:15 PM   #10
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Re: A vent of sorts, also need opinions home birth vs unassisted vs hospital

If it were me I'd just use the MW you used with previous baby. I know 2 hours is a long way, but I'd rather get care from the birth provider then to use a OB, which is totally differnet care, and then switch at the very end. You could ask the MW if she's willing to come to your house some, many are.

I would not do your own prenatal care unless you are skilled in it. Assessing the baby is not really something you just learn from books. It takes time and hands on experience with learning the positions the baby is in, and doing that correctly. Also many of my clients can't get the fetoscope in the right place, and if they use a doppler they often pick up the placenta instead.
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