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Old 01-27-2013, 08:05 PM   #1
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what do you do when....

You aren't feeling the love towards your spouse?
DH is Mr. Perfect. He stays home with the kids, cooks dinner, treats me like a queen. Any women would be happy to catch someone as great as DH.
While I am thankful for how helpful, selfless and giving he is I don't feel a spark. Being completely honest I feel more like friends and roomies then husband and wife. It's bad enough that I am considering separation as a possibility. I am trying really hard to find that something that is missing before things get any worse. I just don't know where to start.

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Old 01-27-2013, 08:11 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by nada87
You aren't feeling the love towards your spouse?
DH is Mr. Perfect. He stays home with the kids, cooks dinner, treats me like a queen. Any women would be happy to catch someone as great as DH.
While I am thankful for how helpful, selfless and giving he is I don't feel a spark. Being completely honest I feel more like friends and roomies then husband and wife. It's bad enough that I am considering separation as a possibility. I am trying really hard to find that something that is missing before things get any worse. I just don't know where to start.
How is your sex life? I know when that part of our relationship is neglected the "spark" can dim. If I treat it like the last thing on my to do list hubby and I don't connect as well.
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Old 01-27-2013, 08:24 PM   #3
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Try and remember why you two got together to begin with.
Have a date night and try and reconnect.
Have you told him how you feel?
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Old 01-27-2013, 08:33 PM   #4
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Re: what do you do when....

Do you ever flirt? I find flirting - and really having fun with it for a few weeks - gets the heat back up. Except, it is WAY better when he flirts back instead of immediately coming on strong (that lowers my libido instead).
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Old 01-27-2013, 08:40 PM   #5
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Do you think it could be a hormone issue?
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Old 01-27-2013, 08:45 PM   #6
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The sex life is a hard question, the quality is great but the quantity not so much.

We have been together since we were sophomores in high school. The reason I was first drawn to him was because he was in awe of me. That doesn't apply so much anymore.

We don't flirt ever. It was never his strong suit and lately things are so tense that even if I try teasing him he takes offense because he miss reads my intention.
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Old 01-27-2013, 08:52 PM   #7
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Do you think it could be a hormone issue?
My hormones or his? LOL. It's been an issue on an off for most of our marriage so I don't think thats the issue.
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Old 01-27-2013, 10:55 PM   #8
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Re: what do you do when....

Are you considering the separation because you don't feel the spark or are there other reasons as well? Have you tried a date night? Sometimes we get so busy with our daily routines that we forget to make time for our significant other. Also, try to remember your vows, the reason you guys fell in love, think of how much fun you guys have had in the past, go out and do something the two of you enjoy. If you don't have a sitter maybe plan something special for after the kids go to bed like maybe a bottle of wine and a special dessert? I think sometimes people feel that the spark has to *always* be there. Maybe some are lucky and it's always there, but I think that for many people it can slip away sometimes and you just have to work a little to reconnect. Also, marriage is most definitely about love, but it's also about supporting each other, working together, being respectful...just my opinion I would definitely bring up your feelings and let him know how you feel and go from there.
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Old 01-28-2013, 06:07 AM   #9
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Re: what do you do when....

Have you tried talking to someone? professionally? You might want to try that step before thinking of separating.
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Old 01-28-2013, 06:12 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by mbusd03
Are you considering the separation because you don't feel the spark or are there other reasons as well? Have you tried a date night? Sometimes we get so busy with our daily routines that we forget to make time for our significant other. Also, try to remember your vows, the reason you guys fell in love, think of how much fun you guys have had in the past, go out and do something the two of you enjoy. If you don't have a sitter maybe plan something special for after the kids go to bed like maybe a bottle of wine and a special dessert? I think sometimes people feel that the spark has to *always* be there. Maybe some are lucky and it's always there, but I think that for many people it can slip away sometimes and you just have to work a little to reconnect. Also, marriage is most definitely about love, but it's also about supporting each other, working together, being respectful...just my opinion I would definitely bring up your feelings and let him know how you feel and go from there.
I agree with this. I've been with my husband since high school as well..this year makes 16 years together. There have been times where the spark was crazy and times where our relationship just flowed, I think that's normal in any relationship.
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