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Old 01-31-2013, 11:48 AM   #41
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

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Originally Posted by momgoddesswife View Post
I wouldn't be offended but I have 2 children with special needs so that brings a different perspective.

I wonder if the child is just behind because they have no siblings and no children related to them or close by, besides the other children at the DCP, to interact with.

Many only children and oldest out of cousins etc. are a little "delayed" when it comes to social interaction an milestones. They don't have anyone to learn from and are often not challenged to use what language they have because they are mostly in contact with adults.
Do you have any evidence to back up this assertion? Children don't need other children to learn language: they simply need other, talking humans. Adults have far richer vocabularies and make use of more complex and more varied linguistic structures than other children do. All of the hard evidence I've seen on onlies suggests that they are ahead in terms of language skills, math, and intellectual development (and, later in life, tend to score higher on tests of achievement). I don't have access to all of the materials and studies I read when I was in school, but even a quick Google search suggests overwhelmingly that only children are statistically more likely to be ahead than behind.

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Old 01-31-2013, 11:53 AM   #42
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

My son is 27 months and has some developmental concerns. I would absolutely NOT be offended. In fact, I would be thrilled that someone else noticed and was possibly willing to help.
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Old 01-31-2013, 12:02 PM   #43
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

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Sounds like she's saying that by reading through the test, she already knows what he's capable of doing vs a dr who would have to do it from step 1. She said if she was to do te table test, he would need a hand gesture based on her daily interaction with the child.

OP, personally, I would not be offended but I think a lot of parents are in denial of issues that need to be addressed sooner rather than later. My cousin has a child that definitely appears to be autistic to a mid level degree. Not aspergers. My aunt teaches severely special needs kids and has tried to talk to her about help for the child, but her and her DH are in total denial. It's really sad to see the problems and know there is help out there if they would admit there are issues.

So yeah, I would appreciate the person who spends the most time with my child giving this info to me, I would not be upset in the least even if you outright DID the test.
This is me. If I had a provider show me the test, I would be grateful. But I am not most people. Most of my friends would pull their kiddo immediately. People don't like hearing that there is something wrong with their kid.

I think I would start looking for another kid to fill the spot too. If mom isn't going to respond to concerns, she may be a mom that is worth cutting loose if you can find a kiddo that is a better fit.
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Old 01-31-2013, 12:12 PM   #44
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

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Do you have any evidence to back up this assertion? Children don't need other children to learn language: they simply need other, talking humans. Adults have far richer vocabularies and make use of more complex and more varied linguistic structures than other children do. All of the hard evidence I've seen on onlies suggests that they are ahead in terms of language skills, math, and intellectual development (and, later in life, tend to score higher on tests of achievement). I don't have access to all of the materials and studies I read when I was in school, but even a quick Google search suggests overwhelmingly that only children are statistically more likely to be ahead than behind.

Nope I'm just going by the kids I have known.

I do know that when kids are not encouraged to use their words they won't. It takes two to talk and if a child can communicate their wants and needs without having to actually use words, ie. gestures and grunts that is what they will do.
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Old 01-31-2013, 12:13 PM   #45
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

I think it totally depends on HOW the provider approaches it, and the personality of the parent.

Some parents just flat out do NOT what to be told how to parent. Some people will accept a little bit of advice if it is worded kindly. Others will listen to anything you tell them.

I think if there is valid concern (and it sounds like there is), it should be posed in a *VERY* delicate manner... somehow. I am probably one of the worst people ever at being delicate and tactful. So I can't speak on how to do that. But I do think that as an adult in this kid's life, you should speak up and say something if there is really something wrong.

Even if she does pull her kid and move on to another provider, odds are that if it is that bad, the next provider will bring it up, too.

Could she maybe hang around a bit when she picks up her kid and just observe to see what you are talking about that is concerning you? Maybe she doesn't see what you see, esp if he is an only child - the parent may just be missing the signs that something is wrong. Maybe try to keep her there for a while, chit chatting, and as you are doing so, casually ask "Hey [kid] could you bring me your sippy cup?" and when he doesn't respond do whatever you do to get him to respond, and then just say something like, "That really concerns me that he doesn't respond when I say that to him.... I'm not sure what to think about it..."

I dunno. That's the best I got. I told you I'm not good at it.

I do think you have an ethical obligation to the kid to try to get him help, though. ESP if you can clearly see something is wrong...
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Old 01-31-2013, 12:39 PM   #46
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

I would totally appreciate being told anything that might help my kids.
Other than my own kids, I have virtually no frame of reference for what is normal and what is not.

I mentioned this in another thread but a friends first dd has hearing loss and it wasn't until she went to preschool that it was picked up. They thought she was just a bit slow to pick up speech and that her unclear speech would just improve eventually. If they hadn't been told by the preschool teachers that this was definitely something to look into it could have been years before they realized.
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Old 01-31-2013, 12:48 PM   #47
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

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This is really sad. For the posters who said it's not your place to intervene, if the parent has NO IDEA their child is so far behind, someone needs to come to the child's rescue. The longer it takes for him to get help, the farther behind he'll be and the harder it will be to catch up.

It does sound like he needs his hearing checked. I've known a couple kids who's speech improved dramatically after getting their hearing tested and got tubes.
I think it is great that the DCP initially addressed her concerns with a parent! However, once the parent no longer wanted the DCP addressing this particular concern the DCP needed to stop. It appears that the DCP continued pushing the issue although understanding the parent did not want her to. At that point, as the parent paying a DCP to care for MY child according to MY wishes, I would be fed up & have my child outta there.
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Old 01-31-2013, 01:05 PM   #48
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

I think mentioning the concern to the parent is great, its obvious that you really care about this little guys well being, and it sounds like you have some very legitimate concerns about him.

However it sounds like mom has made her wishes known, she wants DCP to drop this issue so IMO thats what needs to be done.

I dont have my kids in daycare, but if i did and my provider brought up some concerns to me, i wouldnt be offended, however if they continued to push an issue with me after ive made it known that i would like it to stop, i would be upset, and i would probably start looking for alternative care

It sounds like a really tough spot to be in for DCP, you clearly want to help this little boy but there isnt anything you can do that must be really rough on you ((hugs))
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Old 01-31-2013, 01:26 PM   #49
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

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Pediatricians are NOTORIOUS for under referring kids. Your DCP sees your child EVERY DAY usually. You're ped for 5 minutes a few times a year, if that. If an experienced DCP raised concerns with me, I would absolutely listen to them. It was my SIL (my daycare at the time) that first raised concerns about DD1, and guess what, she's deaf.

It will depend on the parent. I think as a child care provider I would expect you to raise any concerns. Some parents will listen. Others will think you're nuts. But at least you did what you could. Maybe mention casually there are many free state programs to get testing just to be sure. But if parent isn't interested there's not much you can do.


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I view DCPs as being babysitters who are paid to care for my child according to my wishes. I believe that this parent has shown you that she does not want you self diagnosing, testing, or requesting additional medical testing for her child, yet you have continued to push your ideas upon her. If I was her I would find a new DCP.
Bolded is why I gave up being a DCP. I am NOT a babysitter. I am a educator with a college degree and 25 years of experience.

My opinion. You pay someone to spend 8-10 hours a day caring for and educating your child. They ARE going to be the ones to notice if something is wrong. If you aren't willing to take advantage of that person knowledge and expertise you SHOULD get a 'babysitter'.
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Old 01-31-2013, 01:31 PM   #50
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

I'm going to jump in without reading the replies, but I would drop it. You've brought it to her attention, that's the best you can do. My cousin is autistic, and my aunt absolutely refused to see it. My mom and I could see it just watching him. She eventually came to term with it at her own pace and now she's amazing with him and he's getting everything he needs, but before she was ready, forget it.
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