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Old 02-02-2013, 07:42 AM   #231
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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I think that breast feeding my kids has been an amazing experience. I love it. I have been nursing for a solid 7 years, no breaks. I'm tandem nursing for my second time. I feel 100% sure that it was the right way for me to go.

However, I have never had any latch issues. I'm a SAHM so I have never had to pump. I've never had to experience some of the challenges that so many women have had to face. I'm grateful to say, I've had the easy road.

That being said, when I hear about women pumping while their baby cries or being in constant pain, or having a hungry baby that won't latch on correctly, I think about how awful it would be and what a toll that would take on mama, baby, husband and other siblings. How frustrating and stressful that would be!!!

I don't think breast feeding has been successful for me due to me being so awesome or having such a superior love for my children. I got lucky and it was easy for me. The ways in which I am challenged by motherhood are the ways in which I truly show how much I love my kids are the things that are hard. Like waking up to feed them and read stories to them when I desperately want to sleep. Or rocking them for hours in the night when they are screaming. Or dragging my butt outside to play with them. And oh my goodness do I have a long list of failures. Long, long list.

I loved the person who posted about pumping while their baby was crying to be held and having the realization of how ridiculous it was. What her baby needed was to be held! That is what made that baby feel safe and loved. What a sweet moment of motherhood that was! Realizing that the baby's emotional well-being was infinitely more important than having perfect milk. What a success that was.

I have a big problem with this idea that breast feeding is like a one time train to excellent motherhood. As if when you don't have a perfect birth, EBF, not circumcise, never let your baby cry for a second you've missed this one time window to bonding. What a load of bull!

Most importantly, I think that life is about being the most loving, generous and accepting person that you can be. It is infinitely more important than breast feeding. Even if they have the perfect diet as a baby, if they have been modeled a rigid, unforgiving attitude towards others by their parents, they will grow up fearful of their inevitable mistakes. They will internalize that the only way to be worthy is to be perfect. What if mommy has the same conditional affection for them that they have for everyone else who doesn't agree with them on every issue?
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Old 02-02-2013, 08:33 AM   #232
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Quote:
Originally Posted by listalees
I think that breast feeding my kids has been an amazing experience. I love it. I have been nursing for a solid 7 years, no breaks. I'm tandem nursing for my second time. I feel 100% sure that it was the right way for me to go.

However, I have never had any latch issues. I'm a SAHM so I have never had to pump. I've never had to experience some of the challenges that so many women have had to face. I'm grateful to say, I've had the easy road.

That being said, when I hear about women pumping while their baby cries or being in constant pain, or having a hungry baby that won't latch on correctly, I think about how awful it would be and what a toll that would take on mama, baby, husband and other siblings. How frustrating and stressful that would be!!!

I don't think breast feeding has been successful for me due to me being so awesome or having such a superior love for my children. I got lucky and it was easy for me. The ways in which I am challenged by motherhood are the ways in which I truly show how much I love my kids are the things that are hard. Like waking up to feed them and read stories to them when I desperately want to sleep. Or rocking them for hours in the night when they are screaming. Or dragging my butt outside to play with them. And oh my goodness do I have a long list of failures. Long, long list.

I loved the person who posted about pumping while their baby was crying to be held and having the realization of how ridiculous it was. What her baby needed was to be held! That is what made that baby feel safe and loved. What a sweet moment of motherhood that was! Realizing that the baby's emotional well-being was infinitely more important than having perfect milk. What a success that was.

I have a big problem with this idea that breast feeding is like a one time train to excellent motherhood. As if when you don't have a perfect birth, EBF, not circumcise, never let your baby cry for a second you've missed this one time window to bonding. What a load of bull!

Most importantly, I think that life is about being the most loving, generous and accepting person that you can be. It is infinitely more important than breast feeding. Even if they have the perfect diet as a baby, if they have been modeled a rigid, unforgiving attitude towards others by their parents, they will grow up fearful of their inevitable mistakes. They will internalize that the only way to be worthy is to be perfect. What if mommy has the same conditional affection for them that they have for everyone else who doesn't agree with them on every issue?
What an amazing post! I agree completely. And as hard as it is for me to fathom not even wanting to give BFing a try, that's not really my job to judge their decision. the same person could be wondering why I'm trying so hard to make it work. Its not about trying to understand someone elses decisions, its about respecting them.
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Old 02-02-2013, 09:46 AM   #233
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I do think it is sad, mainly that I feel their is stigma attached to breastfeeding in a lot of cases - misinformation, feeling that it's uncomfortable or unnatural, or not being supported by friends or loved one. If there was more support I think more women would choose to right off the bat. If you don't choose to it doesn't make you a bad mom in any sense of the word. I just think it's sad that formula has become so common that breastfeeding isn't even considered by some moms.
This. I guess some people would say I am judging but I am not. I just feel bad for the way society is that so many moms and babies miss out on the wonders of breast feeding. I think every case is special and I am not talking about any of the extremes (mental health, physical issues, etc etc) Just that in general we as a society do not put breastfeeding as the normal way to feed and we are doing a great disservice to the population at large.
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Old 02-02-2013, 09:55 AM   #234
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

I will admit that I've silently wondered about people (that I know, not random strangers) who don't even want to attempt breastfeeding. I successfully persuaded both my sister and cousin to breastfeed in the hospital to give their children the colostrum. Both of them nursed for a couple of weeks and then switched. Another friend of mine was able to breastfeed her youngest son longer than the rest with help and advice from me. But for women to just not want to does boggle my mind and hard for me to imagine why. I'm just being honest. I had a super difficult time breastfeeding but I never gave up. I have Graves Disease and my oldest was born c-section. My milk didn't come in for ten days and I had to supplement. I used an SNS and did both formula and breastmilk. She weaned at 19 months. My second dd I nursed exclusively for 8 weeks, she ended up not gaining weight and I used an SNS again with formula and breastmilk. She weaned at 8 months. My youngest I didn't work out of the home but I still had some supply issues. She ended up getting one 4 ounce bottle of formula a day. She is still nursing at 3.5 even though I am basically dried up at this point and it is mostly for comfort. With my experience, my oldest has been the sickest, having had asthma and been in the hospital many times. My youngest gets cyclical fevers but has never been really sick and never in the ER for an actual illness (she did go to the ER for taking her sister's medication). So in my experience, my more formula fed child has been sicker. Coincidence? No idea, but I am proud that I tried so hard. That doesn't mean I'm being judgy and I don't think other moms who are proud of breastfeeding are being judgy either. But it IS hard to overcome breastfeeding issues so why not be proud of yourself? The fact is, formula is so readily available and I think that does lead to women giving up quicker. There isn't as much familial support either. It's hard to have a successful breastfeeding relationship when your DH, MIL, aunt, grandma, sister etc are telling you to just "give baby a bottle". Of course babies can live on formula but I don't think they thrive necessarily. Just like your child can live on poptarts, hamburger helper, and fruit snacks but they aren't going to thrive KWIM? Pretending that formula is just as good as breastmilk is just plain silly. That's like saying that canned pears are just as good as fresh. There are valid reasons to not breastfeed but I do feel like most women should at least try unless there is a valid medical reason. I think that's what the OP meant. She wasn't bashing women who need medication or have had a breast reduction or low thyroid or whatever. She was speaking of women who don't really have a reason. And yes I think that saying that they just don't want to breastfeed is just a teeny bit selfish. Everyone's entitled to their opinion and that's mine.
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:29 AM   #235
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of course babies can live on formula but I don't think they thrive.
Just want to make sure no one missed this in that enormous, judgemental rant.

Eta: children given nothing but poptarts will suffer vitamin deficiencies and will not "thrive" as you say. Babies given formula DO thrive, grow, and develop normally. I know this is hard for you to digest since you truly believe that your milk is magic.
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:42 AM   #236
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Just want to make sure no one missed this in that enormous, judgemental rant.

Eta: children given nothing but poptarts will suffer vitamin deficiencies and will not "thrive" as you say. Babies given formula DO thrive, grow, and develop normally. I know this is hard for you to digest since you truly believe that your milk is magic.
seriously knock it off. I am entitled to my opinion and obviously I used formula. All I'm saying is I understand where OP is coming from.
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:43 AM   #237
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

And yes, I think breast milk IS magic. It's the perfect human infant food.
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:45 AM   #238
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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seriously knock it off. I am entitled to my opinion and obviously I used formula. All I'm saying is I understand where OP is coming from.
Knock what off? I quoted you. If you dont like it, its YOUR opinion. You compared formula to poptarts and stated that babies do not thrive on formula. That is factually incorrect. You are entitled to your opinion but if it is FACTUALLY unfounded, expect someone to call you on it.
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:53 AM   #239
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

Only 6% of women have a legitimate medical reason why they can't breastfeed. We are the only mammals who feed their young with milk from a different species.

If primates or any other mammal had soooo much difficulty feeding their young, their species would have died off by now.

It's a birthright, not a choice.
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:55 AM   #240
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

This thread cracks me up. We've got the I'm better than you because I EBF camp and the I'm better than you because I don't judge camp. Oh how I love diaper swappers.
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