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Old 02-02-2013, 07:56 PM   #271
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Yes, I breastfeed, co sleep, baby wear, cloth diaper, etc. a lot of my friends think I just spoil my kids. I actually get more grief over cloth than anything lol. But they are still my friends and I'm still theirs. We can agree to disagree and concentrate on more important stuff!
Agree. I am more interested in whether someone is a LOVING mother. How they talk to and interact with their kids on a day to day basis is more telling of their character than what they ate for lunch, how they sleep, or what diapers they use. Jmo.

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Old 02-03-2013, 06:32 AM   #272
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

My SIL was like that, but that is her choice.

I did not breastfeed my older son. I had intentions of doing so. I didn't know what I was doing and I gave up. I still carry that guilt almost 14 years later.

My younger son was bf for 33 months. I was older and had more support.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:15 AM   #273
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I do find it interesting that many ff mamas say they feel guilty after the fact. Why? Especially years later? Do you feel your kids are less healthy? Less attached? Or is it because you couldn't accomplish something that you feel you should have?

I felt guilty with my first dd but have never really had guilt with the others. I guess because I see that at 18, 16,14, (older ones not.counting baby and toddler) they are all very healthy, smart, and socially happy. (minus the boy but he was nursed longer than girls) he is shy and it's hard to make friends. I don't have any guilt about ff them.

Do you feel you should feel guilty? totally honest question. I just feel bad that mamas carry that guilt especially if they tried and couldn't. Guess it's that mommy guilt. Even when we make the best choices we can we have guilt.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:22 AM   #274
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Originally Posted by ulawolf View Post
I do find it interesting that many ff mamas say they feel guilty after the fact. Why? Especially years later? Do you feel your kids are less healthy? Less attached? Or is it because you couldn't accomplish something that you feel you should have?

I felt guilty with my first dd but have never really had guilt with the others. I guess because I see that at 18, 16,14, (older ones not.counting baby and toddler) they are all very healthy, smart, and socially happy. (minus the boy but he was nursed longer than girls) he is shy and it's hard to make friends. I don't have any guilt about ff them.

Do you feel you should feel guilty? totally honest question. I just feel bad that mamas carry that guilt especially if they tried and couldn't. Guess it's that mommy guilt. Even when we make the best choices we can we have guilt.
I feel guilty that I worked and could not pump enough to make enough milk for him. That I never stood up or knew my rights back then. I wish I had tried harder to pump at work to make enough for him to be able to have a daycare and not have me dry up. I tried the SNS system and it worked, but I never recovered my milk supply. I wish I had asked for or knew about Reglan, as with my PCOS I need it to nurse long term. There was so much I had no idea about. At 22, a first time mom, I thought stick a boob in baby's mouth, meant instant milk. I had no idea the work.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:33 AM   #275
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

For those who are saying their is no difference in health between bottle and formula fed infants I think there have been many studies proving this wrong. Obviously some are more affected than others but the studies are out there and not being contradicted by formula companies. Because sufficient evidence is available the formula companies are required to post breast is best.

Within my own family we can see a difference. My older brother was ff. He has more allergies earlier than any of us. One of my younger sisters also received formula. She also has more allergies(not as many as my older brother but still more than the rest of us) and gets sicker than the rest of us. And no you cannot walk into a room and just by looking notice a difference. Get to know us and our health history and you will begin to see a difference.

I assume most parents are doing the best they can with what they have available but it still doesn't mean breastmilk isn't better than formula whenever reasonably possible.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:58 AM   #276
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Originally Posted by qsefthuko View Post
For those who are saying their is no difference in health between bottle and formula fed infants I think there have been many studies proving this wrong. Obviously some are more affected than others but the studies are out there and not being contradicted by formula companies. Because sufficient evidence is available the formula companies are required to post breast is best.

Within my own family we can see a difference. My older brother was ff. He has more allergies earlier than any of us. One of my younger sisters also received formula. She also has more allergies(not as many as my older brother but still more than the rest of us) and gets sicker than the rest of us. And no you cannot walk into a room and just by looking notice a difference. Get to know us and our health history and you will begin to see a difference.

I assume most parents are doing the best they can with what they have available but it still doesn't mean breastmilk isn't better than formula whenever reasonably possible.
Anecdotal stories are just that. I was BFed for 1 year, by far the longest of any of the five of us. I also was allergic to so many things (dairy, eggs, fruits, wheat, dust, pollen, etc etc.) I had to receive allergy shots weekly when I was younger. I also have the most health issues (severe ear infections, asthma, and other illnesses). None of my other siblings have any allergies or chronic illnesses.

No one is arguing that formula is better or even equal. But to claim that breast milk is the be all end all is just unrealistic.
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:50 AM   #277
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I think, all things being equal, everyone agrees breastmilk is better than formula. But all things are rarely equal. KWIM?
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:59 AM   #278
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advance

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Originally Posted by ulawolf View Post
I do find it interesting that many ff mamas say they feel guilty after the fact. Why? Especially years later? Do you feel your kids are less healthy? Less attached? Or is it because you couldn't accomplish something that you feel you should have?

I felt guilty with my first dd but have never really had guilt with the others. I guess because I see that at 18, 16,14, (older ones not.counting baby and toddler) they are all very healthy, smart, and socially happy. (minus the boy but he was nursed longer than girls) he is shy and it's hard to make friends. I don't have any guilt about ff them.

Do you feel you should feel guilty? totally honest question. I just feel bad that mamas carry that guilt especially if they tried and couldn't. Guess it's that mommy guilt. Even when we make the best choices we can we have guilt.
I felt guilty for a while, and eventually made peace with the fact that breastfeeding DD1 was not meant to be. In that space and time, I didn't have the support and resources at hand to make it work, nor was I in the proper mindset after a traumatic birth. It was the right decision given the circumstances at the time. I wish I knew then what I know now. But I didn't, and there's no shame or reason to feel guilty about it. Now I'm 9 months into a healthy nursing relationship with DD2. Part of me wishes that I could have had this with DD1, but on the other hand, DD1 ended up more attached to her dad because he didn't feel intimidated by her, since he could meet all her needs, an issue I'm running into now with DD2.

I do think it's the perfectionist in me. I tried something and failed. Regardless of the ridiculousness of it, I felt like I'd failed, and since I usually excel at the things that I try, I don't take failure well. The worst part of it was that it felt, regardless of the reality of the situation, like it was the latest in a string of failures. I had planned to wait until I was both married and my career had taken off before having kids. After our birth control failure my career stalled, the wedding had to be postponed, I lost my job, I gained a tonne of weight, I didn't get the med free birth I wanted, or even the vaginal birth I wanted, and then nursing crashed and burned. I went into a pretty deep depression after all that, and only in retrospect do I see it. It drove me to feel so guilty for a while that I secretly felt at times that it would be better for DD1 if I gave her up to a better family, a real mommy who could care for her properly. So the guilt did not stem from failure to breastfeed alone. If everything else had gone right it wouldn't have been the blow that it was.
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Old 02-03-2013, 10:04 AM   #279
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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I think, all things being equal, everyone agrees breastmilk is better than formula. But all things are rarely equal. KWIM?
Very succinct and well put. BreastMILK IS better than formula certainly. However breastfeeding or even pumping is not necessarily the ideal solution for all families. If people could buy breastmilk from the dairy section for reasonable prices, all safe and ready to feed, people would do that instead. Since its not available like that, instead people buy the next best thing available - formula.
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Old 02-03-2013, 10:09 AM   #280
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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For those who are saying their is no difference in health between bottle and formula fed infants I think there have been many studies proving this wrong. Obviously some are more affected than others but the studies are out there and not being contradicted by formula companies. Because sufficient evidence is available the formula companies are required to post breast is best.

Within my own family we can see a difference. My older brother was ff. He has more allergies earlier than any of us. One of my younger sisters also received formula. She also has more allergies(not as many as my older brother but still more than the rest of us) and gets sicker than the rest of us. And no you cannot walk into a room and just by looking notice a difference. Get to know us and our health history and you will begin to see a difference.

I assume most parents are doing the best they can with what they have available but it still doesn't mean breastmilk isn't better than formula whenever reasonably possible.
And I can "prove" just the opposite with my family. All four of us kids were BF. My brothers all to around 13 months, me past 18 months. My oldest brother has no allergies. Middle brother and I both have horrible allergies, and youngest also has none. I was bf the longest and also have the worst health problems of any of my siblings. So by that line of reasoning BF for longer causes health problems. See how silly that sounds? Every family and every person is different regardless of how they were fed. My son was FF past 8 weeks and he is healthy except for minor hay fever, but many of his bf cousins have far worse health. I personally believe BF is better as well, but I refuse to believe that ff is not an acceptable alternative. I tried my guts out but couldn't, that doesn't make it any more reasonable for me to choose formula than someone who just didn't want to.
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